is this a good start? would you read on?
The room that once seemed so bright and so full of life, now seemed like a cage to me thanks to the thick dark clouds that hovered in the sky. The sky blue walls that usually sparkled when hit by the bright rays of sunlight, appeared grey in color. The beige carpet that bared a salient resemblance to the sandy shores of California were just as dull and miserable looking as the walls. It was only the beginning of September and already the weather matched the sour attitudes of teenagers getting prepared for the start of school. No more parties, no more freedom. Lucky for me, that change wouldn't be so drastic.
My eyes shut as I tried to enjoy my final day of relaxation. That task became next to impossible as loud taps on my window broke my beloved silence. A aggravated groan escaped my lips as I stretched my arm behind me to grab a remote for my dusty silver stereo that sat on an old wooden shelf. With my eyes still pressed closed, I pushed the power button letting the quiet music pour from my speakers.
If I was the same girl I used to be, I would have blasted the volume by now. I would have danced my heart out, making up moves as I went along. Seeing as my singing voice could deafen everyone within a ten mile radius, I'd mouth the words, while beads of sweat dripped down my reddened face and neck. The rapid hammering of my heart would ultimately hurt so bad I'd have to stop but then the moment I could breathe again, I'd start the music back up. Unfortunately, that was the past. I was no longer the girl that danced to relieve her everyday stresses. Ironically, those stresses had been intensified to the point of unbearable anxiety and the reprieve I used to turn too wasn't an option for me.
The only option I had was one I didn't necessarily want to comply too, but had to, given that there was no other choice. Just sit there and do absolutely nothing. Doing nothing was the only thing my whole summer consisted of. I just hid away from the judgmental - or worse- pitiful eyes of those who saw me. It was my daily routine. Sometimes I'd read, or write poetry on my laptop. But mostly I just stared out the window and thought about stuff I ended up forgetting a few minutes after. So, yeah, I guess I became a loner. A stranger to the outside world. But that was all right with me. I didn't have to worry about my friends seeing me weak and vulnerable. I had avoided them long enough for them to decide I wasn't worth their time.
After the accident, my phone would ring daily and I'd ignore it. Then, it started to only ring once every week, I continued to let it go. Soon there were no missed calls and my voicemail was always empty. Even my parents no longer bothered trying to talk to me. I was always alone and that was the way I liked it. But the comfort of confinement could only last so long.
Tomorrow morning the sun would rise and I'd be forced to face what I've been constantly avoiding. The world. It was going to be my first day as a Junior so I should have been excited. After all, the first day back marked a new beginning. Needless to say, excitement was the furthest thing from what I felt. Besides, I didn't want a new beginning. My life before was never near perfect. But compared to how life would be now, I would do anything to get it back. I knew and prepared myself for what was coming but I knew from experience, you didn't feel the impact of something until you've experienced it head on.
I couldn't help but smirk at the double meaning of my thoughts. Even though it wasn't funny, it was so true. Using my arms, I rolled onto my side and pulled my legs closer to my chest. A knock on my door startled me. My eyes snapped open to see Austin walking towards me. He took a seat on the end of my bed, carefully avoiding my legs.
I rolled my eyes. Even he was treating me different.
- Anonymous9 years agoBest answer
Oh wow. Keep writing! It'll be great. I would definitely keep reading.
- sO*happyLv 59 years ago
Yes this is very good writing. I read it because I thought you wouldn't get any answers if I didn't, but I'd like to suggest that you join a site that is for authors. Just do a google search? If you want feedback, I expect you would get much more from somewhere that is geared toward your interests. Here, people don't seem to like to read alot. The only thing I don't like is that IMO, there is way too much description but this is the way books are written so I would say it's great.
- 9 years ago
Your writing is excellent. However, although it contained good diction and nicely used vivid language, your syntax was basically the same--independent and dependent clauses. Vary your syntax (sentence structure) to make your piece more effective then what it already is. Readers look for diverse punctuation uses. Add semi-colons, colons, dashes, parallelism, etc. However, that doesn't mean to clutter your piece with them, just use them occasionally and you will see the change of your prose.
- Anonymous9 years ago
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- Anonymous9 years ago
YES!!!!! I love it, I really want to know what happened, the story is very attention holding.
- 9 years ago
I really like it and understand what it's saying. Good Job!