Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 10 years ago

10 POINTS to best answer!!! How would you handle this situation if you were in my shoes, need advice!!!?

My Girlfriend And I Were talking at the beginning of December, and she told me not to expect anything from her for Christmas this year, because she was gonna be really broke. I told her not to worry. I still got her and her 2 sons a gift, I got them a 42 INCH LCD TV for the living room. She got it in the mail on Thursday, I brought it online a few days before that. Well, the day before she got the TV. She called me on the phone, while running errands with one of her sons. I guess out of Guilt, she starts asking me over and over what I wanted for Christmas. I said to her that she told me she was broke, she says to me " Well, I got other people gifts and I feel bad I didn't get you anything, so what do you want" I told her If she wanted to get me something, after 4 years of dating, she should know what I like. She kept demanding me to tell her what I want, again I told her I was not the person to make any requests, politely. Later, after talking to her Christmas night, I find out she Spent around 2000 dollars on gifts for her Brother and Sister, their families, her parents, her sons. She basically got everyone multiple gifts. She even threw in on a Big gift for her parents and her portion was a few hundred bucks. She didn't even get me a Card. Well, her birthday is coming at the beginning of January. Should I tell her Not to expect anything from me? I really don't want to get her a birthday present. I know for a fact her feelings would be devastated if I told her I was broke but brought my sister and brothers a bunch of gifts. How should I word the birthday present ordeal, I dont want to be mean but I want some revenge.

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  • HMFan
    Lv 7
    10 years ago
    Favourite answer

    Christmas is an odd time of year. It puts many people into awkward positions of obligation and quests for "the ultimate gift" upon which the givers base their relationship with the recipient based on their reaction to the gift. It is not WHAT you give but the spirit in which it is given (as well as received).

    It seems to me she gave you the chance to put in your request for a Christmas present. I understand you were trying to be considerate of her financial position, HOWEVER, when asked you should have given her an answer. Even if it was something as simple as a plate of your favorite cookies. It does seem a little odd that after 4 years she doesn't have a bead on what you like but maybe that should tell you something about how observant she is and where you land on her list of priorities. I'm not trying to sow dissent here but it sounds like you rank second to the rest of her family. Don't get me wrong, family is important--especially one's children--but it seems after four years you should be a bit more deserving of a hurried phone call asking what you'd like for Christmas while she's "out shopping for everyone else."

    It seems your GF is somewhat hung up on the monetary value/quantity of gifts, not their quality. Don't get me wrong, buying her a 42" TV was nice but did she really NEED that? Does she look at it and think of you fondly when she's watching "Dancing with the Stars" or PBS? The gifts that I most cherish are the ones that people made for me. I have so few of them but knowing that the person took the time to fashion them by hand with me in mind makes them so much more valuable than an iPod or flatscreen TV or gift card.

    That being said, I would argue AGAINST the revenge tactic. You could always say,"That TV wasn't cheap so you b'day gift isn't going to be overly spectacular" plus you COULD argue that the TV wasn't for her but mostly for her sons. BUT, That kind of smacks of laying the guilt card on her. Granted, financial reality is what it is: if you want something expensive now, you'll have to sacrifice something in the future to get it. That's a fairly simple equation and it would be very telling how she reacts to this news if this is, in fact, the ploy you use. If she becomes indignant and impatient with the fact that you spent money on the TV for Xmas and don't have anything for HER birthday, that should tell you something (and it's not good.) On the other hand, if she tells you, "that's OK. I'd be happy just with an evening home alone with you" you've got a good soul there; hang on to it.

    Is this the first time this has happened or does this seem to be a recurring theme in your relationship? I understand that children always come first but it seems to me you've put in enough time and effort to be considered "family" rather than second fiddle. Obviously, I do not know the finer points and history of your relationship and if this is status quo and you're happy with it, who am I to tell you to do anything differently? But it sounds to me like you expect a little bit better. Does she? Have there been instances perhaps where she expected something of you but you inadvertently ignored the request? Indifference can be a two-way street. I'm not judging; I'm just asking.

    "Relationship" means having to forgive the other person when you're hurt and apologizing when you've hurt your partner. That's not always easy for humans but some do it better than others. Relationships ARE work. They EVOLVE. They require constant attention and vigilance and communication. You could simply outright tell her that you're feeling a little disappointed with the inequity of the situation. And I'm not talking financial inequity (though if you want to play that game, you're probably in for a long, drawn-out argument) but emotional inequity. The fact that she told you she "had no money for Christmas" is immaterial. It's the fact that after taking care of EVERYONE ELSE in her life, THAT'S when you popped up on her priority list. Yes, children, parents and siblings are important. But don't you figure into that as well? Or are you "just" a boyfriend?

    Perhaps the best way to deal with this is let it pass, as difficult as it may be. When her birthday rolls around, DO something for her form your heart. Don't GET her anything; DO something for her. Take her out for a nice evening. Fly in an old friend whom she hasn't seen for years for a weekend. Again, it's not the COST of the gift, but the MEANINGFULNESS of it. If you're meant to be, she'll get that. And she'll be grateful.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    (Funny that you say this, I also got a large LCD TV for my girlfriend and her family this Christmas.)

    :)

    My sympathies to you. Money and gifts are ALWAYS a difficult thing in relationships. If managed improperly, they are often the downfalls of over half of the relationships/marriages out there. The most important thing to do is to communicate better between you two regarding this, don't leave this unsaid.

    Yes you are right, 4 years of dating and she should know better what you like. But sometimes it's not that simple. Guys typically have everything that they already want already, so what more could they want? Guys have their electronics and their cars, and all their big toys. What could a woman possibly get a man that she truly cares about? For her, it must've been a difficult decision coming up with something to get you.. and hence, she probably took no action because of that. You are at fault as well, because you tried to be TOO polite, and didn't let her know what you would like for Christmas. Your indecisiveness resulted in her indecision.

    It is also likely because you are very mature in your relationship... 4 years is a lot time, and gifting becomes more difficult as time goes on.

    At the end of it, you do have a point. It is the thought that counts, and she should've gotten something... anything... at the very least a card, or apparel... or cologne or jewelry. She could've made something, baked you something, cooked you something... something simple yet special. Gifts do not need to cost hundreds of dollars to be meaningful... and she probably did not realize that.

    My advice is not to get revenge but to play the guilt card. Make her something thoughtful for her birthday. No need to spend hundreds of dollars on a large TV. But like I said upfront... TALK TO HER!

    I hope that helps

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  • Lexi
    Lv 5
    10 years ago

    Don't buy her anything for her birthday ,tell her you are planning to buy really nice gifts for your brother and sister ,and you hope she would understand since you bought her a really nice gift for Christmas.I mean no disrespect but your girl friend seems a bit selfish and inconsiderate of you and your feelings.Not to mention her lying about being broke, yet she could afford gifts for everyone else but you.In my opinion it's rude to except an expensive gift from someone you supposedly care and or love and not buy them anything.Everyone has feelings and it seems she doesn't give much thought to you or your feelings.If you are the one who is always giving and compromising in your relationship maybe the two of you need to examine your true feelings for each other.There are two types of people in life ,givers and takers,and if she is the latter then the two of need to talk and you need not, give her so much.Don't allow yourself to be taken for granted.But if this situation is a one time occurrence with your girlfriend,tell her you feel and let it go.Best Wishes.

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  • 10 years ago

    Don't just make an action, and not buy her anything, it will destroy the relationship. Confront her and talk to her about the christmas gift thing, tell her what you found out and how you feel. Then buy her something for her birthday, it doesnt have to be big though, something small but meaningful. If you dont get her something, even more problems will start

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  • 10 years ago

    She should have gifted you for Christmas...sorry. For her birthday, a card and small gift(<$20) or dinner at a nice place IF you have been giving gifts for the past 4 years on birthdays.

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  • 10 years ago

    If you seek revenge your relationship will be the one that gets hurt. Forget about the past and concentrate on the future. Ask her if she has been wanting anything in particular and get her the gift. If you are really stuck on revenge then you can start shopping for your next girlfriend's present.

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  • 10 years ago

    Well, set up a small dinner date (at home) and put a mistle-toe on top of the desk/table and don't let her look up ( until it's ready to ) and when it's time, kiss her (ofcourse). If she asks, just tell her, " It's okay."

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  • 10 years ago

    well if u want some revenge then u should really just do the same thing she did too you, and instead of getting her anything buy yourself something nice and expensive and show it off, ;) :x

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  • 10 years ago

    You want revenge because she didn't get you a gift? Wow...

    Revenge is childish..so revenge aside I don't think you should get her a gift simply because you bought her an effing TV...

    Side note: her family comes first...it's stupid of you to expect you to come first.

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  • 10 years ago

    If you want Revange you don't love her

    Break up with her since ur not worth her even if ur mean.

    if you want her to feel badand sad , then do what u said. but ur jerk anyway thinking even about this

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