Muslim parents screwed me up and now I feel like a cripple?

I'm a 24-year-old male who has never even kissed a girl. I was raised by very religious parents (muslims) in a home where sex was never mentioned. My parents even made us cut off contact with some our cousins after they got pregnant in high school. When I was ten years old my mother told me that because of... show more I'm a 24-year-old male who has never even kissed a girl. I was raised by very religious parents (muslims) in a home where sex was never mentioned. My parents even made us cut off contact with some our cousins after they got pregnant in high school. When I was ten years old my mother told me that because of "my" religion (i don't believe in god anymore) , I would never be allowed to have a girlfriend. This made me feel like a freak and my pattern of social withdrawal can be traced back to that. Whenever a girl liked me I had to pretend that I wasn't interested, even if I was. She reminded me of this again when I was fifteen, after I had mentioned that a female friend, we'll call her "Ami", had asked me to go to the movies with her. I had very strong feelings for Ami but I could never tell her. I didn't realize it then, but Ami had feelings for me, too. I haven't seen her in four years and she recently said to me on facebook, "I still love you." I still have feelings for her. She is under the impression that I had no interest in her. I really want to be with her but I'm just so afraid of her reaction when she realizes the obvious: that I have absolutely no experience with women. I've even withdrawn from all my friends because of this secret I am hiding. The only person that really knows me is my therapist.

I actually spoke to Ami for about twenty minutes on the phone recently and she suggested we should catch up. It has been about two months since then and I simply cannot bring myself to call her. It feels like I've waited too long since that one phone call. I wouldn't know what to say. I don't know what it is that's expected of me. I feel like such a loser every time I see her name in the contacts on my phone. She probably thinks that I don't care about her. How could she think anything else? She probably thinks I'm some normal dude that goes around getting laid all the time.

People tell me that I'm good-looking (a cute cashier at a store that I frequent has started hitting on me) and everyone says I'm hilarious, including Ami, who laughs at every frickin thing I say. I can honestly say that I am ashamed of my lack of experience with women. It makes me feel like the lowest of the low. I'm always afraid the topic of sex or dating will come up in a conversation, because I am hiding in plain sight and a conversation like that can expose me. Everyone just assumes that I'm a normal guy with a normal sex life, even my relatives.

I just feel like she'll react negatively to my inexperience and that it would be a burden on her. I have this image of her laughing when she finds out. Any advice or comments are welcome and appreciated.

Thank for reading this if you read the whole thing
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