Please is my 17 year old son gay?

First off I don't want to stereotype on anything or offend anyone, I just want to know if my son is gay and what I should do. Second off if he is gay, I have no problem with it he is my son and I love him as is as any real parent should.

My son is 17 and very feminine, always has been. When he was little he wanted to play with barbies and make up. He is a cheerleader and real loves it, it's a big part of his life. He has never had a girlfriend or showed and interest in having one. Recently he has started spending a lot of time with a football player who he introduced as a friend but something about how close they are says more than friends to me. They go to concerts and to see movies and shopping together just the two of them normally he goes shopping with his friends from the squad. When they went to a competition they roomed together. I've asked my son a few times if he is seeing anyone and he says no, i've asked if there is anyone he likes he says no. I've asked if there is anything he wants to talk about and he says no, i've told him if there is he can come to me.

So is my son gay? Should I talk to him or ask him if he is? Is his new "friend" actually his boyfriend? I don't get why he wouldn't tell us we are very supportive and accepting and have made that clear sense he was a baby.


My wife(his mother) and I have made are support of LGBT extremely clear. I have stated that it is BS that DADT is still in effect.

Something I forgot he owns queer as folk the entire series it was a gift from me.

Update 2:

Yes because when he was little he was very aware of the fact that he was a boy and very comfortable with it and still is.

12 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    Listen, I am 19 and confused about my sexuality. I like girls, they turn me on and I think they are gorgeous and would love to have a family one day. However, sometimes I feel attracted to guys and its something that has puzzled me since I was 16. I haven't had male figures in my life which may be a cause of my confusion, maybe i just want a father figure or a brother. In this matter I obviously can't relate to your son, since you have been there for him since he was a kid. But It is possible that your son is also trying to figure things out. I mean as confused as I am I can't just wake up one day and say "Mom I'm bisexual" or "Mom I think I may be gay". What if I "confess" today and tomorrow when I wake up I realize Im neither? How do I take it back? "Never mind, Im not gay or bisexual"...................... Things don't quite work that way, right? Even if I was to say that, that doubt about whether my confession was true or not will always be in their minds and very present in the future when (and if) I have kids and a wife. That would certainly make me uneasy. It is very possible that your son feels the same way. He may just not be ready. Im glad you support LGBT. Not because of my confusion but because I believe in equality. You say you make it clear but you should say things like "How can parents neglect their children for having a different sexual preference? I would never do that, I love my children more than anything." Now that the Don't ask Don't tell policy is on the news comments like that can be easily used without making it weird and so direct. Try saying things like that when he thinks you're not paying attention to him or he's at a fair distance where he can hear you but not feel like you're talking to him. I know I would like to hear something like that from my mother or sisters. Instead I hear "That's disgusting!" Hearing things like that makes me ask myself: What the hell am I gonna do if I can't figure this out?

    I have no one that I can talk to. Your son is very lucky. Give him time and don't make bold conclusions.

    Good luck.

    By the way I am also very comfortable being a male. I do not have any interest in being a female, looking like a female or acting like a female. I 100% accept my gender, no confusion there.

  • 1 decade ago

    He Probably is ! but isnt ready to tell you. He is only 17! A lot of kids have supportive parents and still don't tell, not that they don't want to, more that it's a little uncomfortable. You should talk to him if you feel comfortable with it. I can't give you the question to ask because that has to come from your own mind since you know your son better than anyone. The signs are there and obviously you see and feel it. Saying things about how you are supportive of "LGBT" around him might not work. Your best bet is to just be blunt and ask in your own way if Not then Everyone has their own date when They feel they can "come out" and you can always wait it out.

    Keep us updated :)

    Source(s): Me and my Girlfriend are Gay =]
  • 1 decade ago

    To me (a 15 year old girl with a great gaydar) I think it sounds like a very high possibility.

    But the thing about this situation is this, you cannot just make someone be ready to be out of the closet. No matter how supportive the person seems, no matter how obvious their love for you is, no matter how non-threatening they should be, its scary. Its a personal choice they have to make for themselves.

    If I were you I would just make it obvious you are a supporter, but not so obvious that he knows you think hes gay. If he is, he will tell you in his own time. If hes not, you'll find that out in time to.

    Just be patient, love your child the way he is and take each day as it comes.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well yeah sounds like what most people would call gay but let me explain something. I don't think someone can really be gay, as in not attracted to the opposite sex. This sounds mean but I think it's all in the persons head, it's not like they're biologically different, they just feel attracted to the same sex. Finally most guy wouldn't be caught dead on a cheer leading squad, that fact alone makes him sound really gay. As for talking to him you know him much better then me, if you think that would go over well then sure, talk to him. If you think it will just make him angry or feel super akward then no.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My brother used to be really into clothes, fashion and always dressed 'hip' and had longer hair. It was funny when my dad asked me 'is he gay?'

    The thing is, lots of guys nowadays are very androgynous, lots of guys where I live LOOK gay but aren't.

    However, if he is gay, let HIM come to you.... some consider 'coming out the closet' a very important moment, especially to their family.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Why don't you ask him?

    I'm afraid I don't believe he exists. You describe his as you would an invented character, not a real person who will be an adult in 12 months.

  • 1 decade ago

    If he is, he'll tell you when he's comfortable telling you - no need to hound him just to satisfy your own curiousity. Whether he is or whether he isn't won't change anything - just let it be & see what happens.

  • 1 decade ago

    Do NOT ask him if he is gay. If he is not this would offend him, but if he is he will tell you when he is ready. Maybe he hasn't figured it out for himself yet.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    He may be, I wouldn't ask him about it I would let him come to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    i cant say yes or no because yeah idk him personally...but if i were you i would just wait for him to come to you, no need to put pressure on him,, im sure he is worried about it even though you are supportive....good luck

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