Is my 17 year old son gay?

First off I don't want to stereotype on anything or offend anyone, I just want to know if my son is gay and what I should do. Second off if he is gay, I have no problem with it he is my son and I love him as is as any real parent should.

My son is 17 and very feminine, always has been. When he was little he wanted to play with barbies and make up. He is a cheerleader and real loves it, it's a big part of his life. He has never had a girlfriend or showed and interest in having one. Recently he has started spending a lot of time with a football player who he introduced as a friend but something about how close they are says more than friends to me. They go to concerts and to see movies and shopping together just the two of them normally he goes shopping with his friends from the squad. When they went to a competition they roomed together. I've asked my son a few times if he is seeing anyone and he says no, i've asked if there is anyone he likes he says no. I've asked if there is anything he wants to talk about and he says no, i've told him if there is he can come to me.

So is my son gay? Should I talk to him or ask him if he is? Is his new "friend" actually his boyfriend? I don't get why he wouldn't tell us we are very supportive and accepting and have made that clear sense he was a baby.


My wife(his mother) and I have made are support of LGBT extremely clear. I have stated that it is BS that DADT is still in effect.

Something I forgot he owns queer as folk the entire series it was a gift from me.

18 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    If you're okay with the possibility that he is, for heaven's sake, ASK him. If he is, it'll take a tremendous weight off his shoulders.

    There's a really good film with Russell Crowe (playing a young gay guy, believe it or not) about fathers and sons and this issue. It's called "The Sum of Us" and is worth watching.

  • Runa
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    It might be a good idea to make your views about homosexuality perfectly clear in a non-threatening way. Perhaps comment on the unfairness of the DADT repeal not getting through, as it's a current event.

    Keep in mind that it is a very frightening experience for a child to come out to their parents. Many parents profess that they would love their children no matter what but then completely shun their child if he or she comes out as not having an expected sexual orientation or identity. While I'm sure you wouldn't, it does happen, and some children have literally been killed by the people who gave them life. It's possible that he's waiting for a time that, if you were to respond unfavorably, he'd be able to take care of himself.

    If you want to be extremely direct, there is something you can do, only there's a chance it may backfire if you are wrong. While your son is doing something by himself (say, doing homework or watching TV), walk into the room and say, "You seem to enjoy spending a lot of time with [insert suspected boyfriend's name here]. I just want you to know that if you two are going out, I'm entirely supportive." Then (and this is the hard part) WALK AWAY to give him some time to think. Don't force him to respond to anything, not even acknowledge your presence in the room when you speak. This would make him feel put on the spot, which will likely result in defensive behavior and perhaps an untrue response.

  • 4 years ago

    From what you say about your son it seems to be a distinct possibility that he is gay. You are obviously a very open-minded and loving mother and that alone is very good for him. Only he can say whether he is gay or not. Since you are his mother any questions you might ask him are automatically routed through his teenage believable lie generator before the content of the question is considered. Teenagers are extremely good at giving their parents the answer least likely to cause them any difficulty, especially another question. I mention this because you might be considering asking him flat out if he is gay. While this would not be a horrible thing to do any answer you might get would not necessarily be reliable. I suggest you lay the groundwork for him to tell you when he is ready. If there is a relative or family friend who is gay or lesbian you might talk about them in a neutral and non-judgmental way (as I'm sure you would) and then add a few words describing how you feel about gay people. After a dramatic pause and maybe a "Can I go now" you could up the ante by saying something like "I will always love you no matter what" or "You can talk to me about anything no matter what it is." A young gay person is most likely to come out when they believe their news will be well received. You seem to realize that the highest moral value is the love within a family. For that reason I think this will work out very well. To really move things along contact your local branch of PFLAG, get some of their absolutely wonderful literature, and "accidentally" leave it where it might be seen.

  • 1 decade ago

    I always say it's never good to assume, but I honestly think you should ask him directly. Don't beat around the bush and ask if "he is seeing anyone" be blunt and ask him if he's gay. Before doing that make it clear to him whether the answer being yes or no you love him and you have nothing against being gay. You too must prepare, because you might or might not get the answer you thought it was going to be. Be sincere. I have some gay friends who are just afraid to tell their parents because they have no idea how they would react. So again, make it clear that you wont hate him or anything. You seem like a caring father and I hope everything works out for both you and your son. :D

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Identify what kind of feminine stuff he likes. Buy him a gift in that category, that will be a more subtle way of saying "I think I know, you can tell me anytime". Does he bring home skin care products when he comes home from the mall? Get him a gift card to Clinique or something. These kind of things will go a lot further than just going to him and asking.

    But brace yourself, the answer might be totally different, he could be transgendered. Hopefully you'll be okay with anything unexpected like that...

  • 1 decade ago

    It is hard to say, although there is a lot of evidence suggesting this, the only person that can truly answer this is your son. My opinion is yes because you mentioned the cheer-leading thing but one can never know; the human mind is a complex mechanism. Although you may be supportive most of society is not.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He could just be really feminine, not necessarily gay. I personally know quite a few people like your son when they were younger. Now, many are in the fashion business or graphic design. It's not all bad to be feminine just because ur a guy.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Yeah, I'm pretty sure your son is gay. There's probably a 95% chance that he is. But it looks like he's not ready to tell you, yet. I think it would be a good idea to sit down with him, and just let him know that you'll be proud of him no matter what, no matter who he is, and you support him 100%. Don't come outright and tell him that you believe he's gay--this might cause him to be defensive, if he's not ready to come out to you yet. But maybe you can hint at it by letting him know how supportive you are of him :)

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes he is.

    But dont tell him that he is gay just talk to him and tell him that he should never be ashamed of who he is and that everyone will love him the same.

    In time he will know what you were referring to and he wont be afraid to talk to you about it...and best of all he went to u on his terms when he was ready.

    I have a gay brother and I love him the same.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think is great you are that supportive of him, however don't ask him, let him tell you. Also, be happy he scored a football player as a bf, your son in law for now lol, no seriiously, you are a great prent;)

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