Wedding guest should pay for the cost of their meals?

I have seen answers suggesting that when you are invited to a wedding, you should at least find out what it cost per plate and gift the couple the same amount or more.

WHAT!?

Am I the only one just....I can't even find the words.

Cheese and crackers.

Question in two parts: Brides-Do you expect your guests to gift you with cash that cover the cost of the meals?

Guests- Do you feel like you have to give a large amount to cover the cost of the meal/wedding?

22 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    WHAT!? is right!

    As a bride, I don't expect gifts at all. If i get any, I'll be gracious, but I don't feel I'm owed gifts.

    As a guest, I feel I have to bring a gift, and I resent this, but in getting a gift I don't even try to figure the cost per plate. Not only because that's silly but because I wouldn't even begin to know how much the meal costs.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 10 years ago

    The idea of covering the cost of the meal is only a guideline, for those that want to give a gift, but do not know how much to spend. It is sometimes suggested that the guest cover the whole of the guests expenses the that couple spent on the guest. See below.

    And really, when you think about it, how much would you spend at a nice restaurant, and going out for some entertainment after that? That could be a guideline too.

    Really, it is no ones business except those doing the paying what the wedding cost. Guests should not ask what it costs for any reason. But most of us can come up with a estimate, knowing what venues and caterers charge for meals these days. Especially if you are from a small town, and invariably know someone who used a particular caterer.

    And yes, I would give a gift that might cover the cost of the meal, and then some. The daughter of a friend got married, I gave her $70. I had never met her or the groom. They had a lovely catered gourmet chinese food meal from a local restaurant that catered in chinese. But it did not cost anywhere near $70, even with a cupcake from her her gourmet cupcake tree included [which rivers did not eat one].

    The expectation is that a wedding is not someones birthday, that will be repeated year after year. It is an event that the two people are beginning a life together. We are supposed to be invited because the host knows we want to be there, and wish the couple well, and start them on their way in style.

    And, you should never ever have pay for a meal at a wedding, guests are just that. The host pays..

    The wedding gift is not mandatory, just good etiquette. And the cost of it should be dictated by your own personal finances, and perhaps how well you know the couple, or if you are related to them.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 10 years ago

    I agree with you - there are so many rude aspects of this I don't know where to start!

    1) It's rude of the guests to ask how much the bride and groom are paying for the reception. That is no one's business but the bride and groom's. It's like asking someone their weight or their salary.

    2) It's rude of the bride and groom to expect guests to cover their meal with the value of their gift. The reception is a thank you to the guests, not an opportunity to break even on wedding costs.

    3) Gifts are never required at weddings, even though most people do give one. The gift is ALWAYS at the discretion of the giver, and should be something they can comfortably afford, which will mean different amounts for different people. When I give a gift, I spend the amount that reflects my closeness to the couple, not the lavishness of their party.

    Ugh. It feels good to get that out of my system! Seriously, what rock did these people crawl out from under?

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 10 years ago

    Part 1- NO! When I had my wedding I did NOT actually want ANY gifts, of ANY description. The presence of my guests and their well wishes were all I wanted. I just wanted the people I loved to share my joy and to celebrate our milestone with a party.

    Part 2- No, and if I get the feeling that I have only been invited because the bride wants presents I politely decline the invitation. I do like to spend as much as possible on the gift though when I DO attend because it is a way of showing how much happiness I wish the couple in the future. I do feel that spending less than $50 on a wedding gift in our current financial situation is being stingy, no matter what the budget was or how good the food is!

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 10 years ago

    Brides-Do you expect your guests to gift you with cash that cover the cost of the meals?

    ~Not at all. All I expected was that the people who said they would show up, would show up.

    Guests- Do you feel like you have to give a large amount to cover the cost of the meal/wedding?

    ~ No. I give what I can afford. And I certainly don't think I should be responsible for paying for the food they picked out for me to eat. I didn't tell them to choose a $150 per plate meal.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    No, this is wrong on so many levels.

    1) The Bride and Groom should not expect to be "paid back" for what they put into the wedding. They are providing a reception to thank their guests for attending the wedding, why should the guests have to pay for their own thank you?

    2) It is rude of a guest to ask or assume how much was paid for the wedding. It is none of their business.

    3) It would be also rude of the bride and groom to tell people how much they spent. Financial matters should be kept private.

    4) Why should I give less than I normally do just because someone didn't pay $100 per plate? Why should I give more than I normally do because someone paid $500 per plate? It's ridiculous.

    No, thankfully, you are not the only one!

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • I'm not a Bride yet, but I CERTAINLY would NOT expect my guests to give me a gift that is at least X amount. 1) I invited them because I wanted them to share my special day - not to get more presents; 2) When you host any party in general, generally you assume the cost of throwing the event - after all, it's YOUR party; 3) a gift is just that - a GIFT; and 4) I can also empathize with guests who might not have a lot of money and can't afford to buy an expensive present. I would feel like **** if I knew that someone put themselves in debt over buying a damn present. People give what they can afford to give.

    As a GUEST to a wedding, I am mindful of the fact that the bride and groom are feeding me and providing me with expensive alcohol. And also, the weddings that I have gone to I have generally been close to the bride and groom, therefore I am inclined anyway to gift them as much as I can - but that's because I WANT to, not because I'm wondering how much they paid.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 10 years ago

    As a guest, I have never financially equated my gift based upon what it cost the bride and groom to invite me to their wedding. I am a guest and a guest is treated to the event as such. There is no pay here and pass go card.

    As a bride, I never even thought about the financial aspect of a received gift in conjunction to what it cost to be a guests host.

    It is just CRAZY to think or expect a cash gift equal to your meal. If that were the case, I would just go out for a great dinner and skip the reception.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 4 years ago

    Nobody's got a gun to your head to force you to have a wedding. If you can't afford a wedding, then you either put off the marriage until you can afford what you want, or you get married at the courthouse now and accept that that's your one and only wedding. There's no way in hell that your fiance allows you guys to "live comfortably" if you live with his parents and are throwing a wedding that you can't even afford. If all you can afford is cake and coffee, then that's what you serve. If someone complains about it then you shrug and say, "Well, sorry you feel that way, but this is what we can afford. If you feel that we should host a meal, I'd be more than happy to accept a check from you and then plan whatever kind of meal you'd like me to serve. Or if you want to pay for groceries and help me cook, we can host a little lunch at the house. But if we have to pay for it ourselves, then cake and coffee is what we can do." Be an adult and either work for what you want or accept that you can't always get what you want. Inviting people to your wedding and then telling them to pay their own way is absolutely disgusting of you. No cutesy poem, verse, or saying is going to hide the fact that you're greedy and rude. Set an example for your innocent child and do the right thing ... a pay-your-own-way is the absolute pinnacle of tackiness, rudeness, and entitlement, and by doing this you're only dragging this poor child deeper and deeper into this train wreck.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 10 years ago

    I had never heard of that either until I started answering on this forum. I do NOT agree with this at all. A gift is a gift....period. There is no price tag that should be applied to it. If the couple wants to host a lavish reception and I am on their guest list...great! But I am not going to give them $200 because that is what they spent on the meal for my husband and I. Really, I think this must be a regional thing (or a big city thing) as I have never heard of it. But then again, I live in a small town!

    • Log in to reply to the answers
Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.