How can I learn to just let go?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years now. I am all but the jealous type. But there was an incident lately that I can't seem to get over... and I feel really stupid for crying over this but I just can't seem to get over it... Him and I have not have sex for 3 weeks now. (I know that for... show more My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years now.

I am all but the jealous type. But there was an incident lately that I can't seem to get over... and I feel really stupid for crying over this but I just can't seem to get over it...

Him and I have not have sex for 3 weeks now. (I know that for some couples, that doesn't mean much, but for us that is a very long while to go without it...). For the past two weeks I have been practically begging for it. I've tried everything... From discrete and affectionate kisses, to lingerie, to teasing and offering oral sex, back rubs, at all times of day, all types of places. Nothing. He always kind of looks away and sais he is busy/tired/has things to do. So I have been a little down about that up until last night.

I came home last night, same time as I usually do after work, hoping "maybe tonight will be the night". But he had just gone to bed. Thats when I noticed he forgot to turn off the computer.

Ok, so as you probably figured out I found porn. The video wasn't even shut down it was paused. On full screen.

Now I am not the type to be upset because my man watches porn... but for some reason, that felt like a slap across the face. And I sort of fell apart on the spot. Partly from frustration with a tinge of jealousy and I suddenly felt very alone.

I came up to him and confronted him about my frustrations. He tried to lie about it. Saying he wasn't watching porn, then I told him I found he forgot to shut the window on the computer.

He said he was sorry. And I asked him why. He had nothing else to say but "I don't know". At this point I guess I couldn't stop the tears... After a while he came up with something and I don't know if its true or he was trying to justify or cover up something. He said that lately, his stamina isn't the same... sex doesn't last more then 5 minutes and that he feels he is dissapointing me every time. I told him that I have never been disapointed after sex (even if the 5 minutes thing is true).

I am not sure what that would have to do with the whole incident... I just can't seem to make sense of it, and that confusion and frustration makes me burst into tears a few times a day. I try not to cry in front of him...

He said he was sorry and that he would make it up to me... I have no idea what that means and I'm not sure I beleive it...

This might sound really stupid and I might be crying for nothing, but as much as I repeat this to myself, my heart aches every time I recal the incident. I can't get it off my mind. I am usually a confident person. I like my body. But now I am questionning everything about myself and our relationship...

How can I get over this... I feel like an idiot.
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