I need help- is my 17 year old son GAY ?
I want to be clear about the fact that the only reason it would matter to me if my son is gay, is so that I don't do or say anything around him that would make it harder for him to "come out" and I certainly don't want to say or do anything that would make him feel like I would judge him if he is gay!
My son is 17 years old and hasn't had a girlfriend since 7th grade, he is going to be a senior in high school this year. In 7th grade, him and his gf were together for 6 months, which is a significant time for a kid of that age, and they seemed to be moving very slowly (which was fine by me) but she suddenly broke up with him and he was VERY upset! Since then, he hasn't has another girlfriend, although he has expressed his interest, to me, in a female friend of his. That was the only time I know of that he has had an interest in another girl since then.
Now, he has several female friends and it appears that he enjoys their company more than male, and when he has opened up to me about it, he has said that he doesn't know how to act around boys his age. I assumed that this was because I was a single teenage mom and the only other people that he was around happened to be female, so maybe he just didn't learn how to interact like a boy would? Another issue is that I see a different person that he shows to his best friend, who also happens to be a girl. I found some webcam video on my laptop that the 2 of them made, just goofing off, and if I saw this video from the outside looking in, and never knew the people in this video, I would assume that this boy is gay. Having said that, he changes his demeanor according to who he is around. He has pretty good grades, mostly A's and B's and he doesn't have much of a social life. He is pretty much a homebody and the only time he goes anywhere is really when he goes with one of his girlfriends somewhere.
Finally, this past school year was the first school dance he ever showed interest in going to, and he took a female date. This girl is also one of his friends and she seems to be on the tomboy side. She wasn't all dolled up like all the other girls, and to be honest she looked very uncomfortable in her dress!
I really get the feeling sometimes that my son has a real crush on his female best friend, he jumps at her every need and always talks about her. They had a fight last year where he didn't speak to her for about 2 weeks and he seemed sadder about it during that time. When they made up, he was really excited and told me right away that they made up!
I am really confused by his behavior and like I said before, I only ask for help because I don't want to make anything harder for him.
When I have expressed my feelings to him about how I want things to be for our family when he grows up , for holidays, family functions and things of that nature, I have always mentioned him and his wife. Because of those kinds of things, I'm afraid that I'll make him feel like if he doesn't like women, or if he has anything other than a wife, I would disapprove of him. So I am reaching out to anyone who has a similar experience or who has any helpful input for me. Thanks for your respectful responses.