Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social ScienceGender Studies · 10 years ago

If a woman wouldn't mind her husband reading her emails/texts, then why would she mind a paternity test?

Whenever a question is asked about a husband reading her emails, most women answer that they have no problem with it because they have nothing to hide and that there aren't any secrets in their marriage.

However, when asked about paternity testing, most women immediately become defensive, insisting that a marriage cannot survive without honesty and respect and how dare her husband suspect anything.

But I thought that they had nothing to hide and no secrets. Why the contradiction and inconsistency with regards to privacy and trust?

Don't the two, reading your email and getting a paternity test, have the SAME goals in mind? Making sure that you are not cheating and easing his fears?

Update:

This is a result of reading questions on other categories regarding reading emails and paternity tests, and coming to a conclusion based upon the answers.

It's a generalization that happens to be true, even if you don't want it to be.

16 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
    Best answer

    Although it seems like short leap when as you say, she has nothing to hide, a paternity test is quite a bit more invasive than reading email and texts. To insist upon it is a profound insult to the woman and the relationship itself.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    There's a world of difference between reading a person's emails and demanding that the child you helped create be tested for paternity.

    Personally, I think my emails are private. I leave the screen up a lot, and I suppose my boyfriend could go through them if he wanted, but he never has. There's nothing to hide, but privacy is also just expected in our house. That said, I would become somewhat defensive if he told me he didn't trust me and asked to read my emails. I can't guarantee I would dump him or not, but I might consider it.

    A paternity test makes women defensive because it's an offensive move. It's saying not that you have fears but that you actively distrust your wife or girlfriend. If my boyfriend asked for a paternity test, he might get it, but it would probably be at the cost of the relationship.

    Somehow, I think though that I am overthinking this and this is just meant to be an incendiary topic to get us all crazy and amuse you. Nothing I say is really going to make a difference to you because you don't truly want to understand.

    Source(s): Yahoo! Answers is hardly what I would consider to be a representative group. Just because some people in some sections said certain things does not mean you can realistically make generalizations about women. However, if you just want to make statements that have no real basis, you are well on your way.
  • 10 years ago

    If you go in the Marriage section on here you'll see lots of men and women getting angry about reading texts/emails! They say it's wrong in a marriage and you should have trust. Plenty of people are against it. It's different from a bold accusation of cheating though. Anyway who cares I'd get a paternity test because I'd have nothing to hide

  • 10 years ago

    I wonder if it was more common for women to end up with the wrong baby if they would better understand where men are coming from on this issue. It has happened before, actually, there was a very big case about 10 years or so ago here where a woman made a remark one of the babies involved was "ugly"...and it turned out that baby was hers. But it is pretty rare. If it was a very common thing I think DNA testing would be a much more common procedure for all babies and their parents, not just ones that are requested.

    I can see why a woman would get upset over it, though. You can get a DNA test done without the mother ever knowing, just get some hair from the baby and send it for an analysis. I'm not sure I'd recommend that but it's an option.

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  • 10 years ago

    I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Rembrandt. *waits for lightning bolt*

    I think a paternity test should be done as a matter of course before a father's name is put on the birth certificate. I think a lot of the stupdity in relationships that go bad, "You're not my kid, your mother's a whore, I don't care anything about you" being screamed at kids, for example, would get cut right out.

    If it was done as a matter of course, it wouldn't feel like an insult to anyone. It would stop being about proving anything in the relationship and start being about the couple proving something to the law.

    (And I wouldn't mind my boyfriend reading my emails if he asked first, but my thoughts are private, and if he got an attitude if I said "No" it would piss me off beyond belief.)

  • 10 years ago

    As a woman, I don't mind my SO reading my emails casually and I often show them to him because there is nothing to hide. Therefore he has no reason to doubt me. If a man suspects that his S.O. is pregnant by another man, that's just insulting when it isn't true. Think about it, if a guy even thinks there is a possibility that the lady has been cheating on him and got pregnant with someone else then the relationship has bigger problems than just trust about emails and texts. And it's so one-sided too. It's inherently sexist in a way. How many men have fathered children that their wives never even learn exist because men don't get a belly out of it!? A heck of a lot, that's how many. If you are asking this question because your girlfriend doesn't want a paternity test, look at yourself in the mirror. Are you asking because you are a cheater and therefore think everyone is unfaithful too?

    Source(s): Common sense.
  • 10 years ago

    ???????

    Really? Most women don't have a problem with their hubbies reading their correspondance? That surprises me.

    Uh, yes, women who, in effect, have been accused of cheating on their husbands DO become offended. Everyone who is wrongly accused of doing something that's very hurtful and wrong gets offended.

    If I accused you of being a car-jacker, I would bet that you would be offended by the accusation.

    Nosiness about what wifey is saying in emails isn't the same thing at all as accusing wifey of sleeping around. How is it possible to not see the difference, yet be capable of using a computer? I'd have thought the brainlessness of the first would preclude the second.

  • 10 years ago

    When I was married, my husband and I shared an email account, it was no big deal...

    The big deal about a paternity test, is that if there is no just cause, or reason for a paternity test, then why would you even ask for one...?

    I would take a paternity test, because I had nothing to hide, but I'd resent the heck out of him, because when there isn't any trust, or there is no reason for him to doubt my loyalty...then that's just being a...person I'd have a hard time trusting.

    Usually, the accuser is the one that's cheating.

  • Neo
    Lv 5
    10 years ago

    Are you getting your information from a source or are you just generalizing? I suspect it's the latter.

    I think a woman would react that way because being asked for a paternity test is extremely insulting. I mean, you're claiming that somebody else fathered your child! That's a pretty bold accusation. Even if (actually, ESPECIALLY if), there's no chance of the baby being anyone else's it's still really offensive to suggest that.

  • Maybe the difference is that the husband might have multiple reasons for reading his wife's emails, like if the question were, "If you were reading your email, and you were laughing at something someone sent you and your husband came up behind you to see what you were laughing at, would you mind?" I bet a lot of women would be OK with it. If you asked, "If you were out of town and you didn't have access to email and you wanted to see if someone emailed you about something important, would you have your husband check your account?" a lot of women would say yes. If you said "If your husband came up to you and said "I don't trust you at all and I want to make sure you're not emailing any guys behind my back, is that cool?" I bet that you'd get a whole different answer.

    The last example is analogous to the paternity test.

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