? asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 10 years ago

I feel guilty about wanting to terminate my 6 week pregnancy - how do I deal with these feelings?

I'm 6 weeks pregnant and my partner of 2 and a half years have decided to terminate. It was a result of my IUD coming out (very slim odds!) and completely unexpected - its not a question of IF we should terminate, as it really is not an option to keep it (for reasons I'd rather keep to myself) The thing I want to know, its going to be a couple of weeks before I can get an appointment to terminate, and I feel horribly guilty - this baby is growing inside me so fast and I feel like I either give myself a chance...or my baby. I'm 23 years old. I just need some coping strategies I guess - please note I'm not after a lecture on whether I should or shouldn't keep it, that decision has been made. Also - I am not religious in any way so anything involving religion of any kind is not going to work. Please help :)

Update:

Sorry - a small typo - I should mention it was MY decision to terminate, and my partner supports me in whatever decision I make. He's lovely like that :)

Update 2:

Some of these answers are already ridiculous - I asked for help on coping with a decision to terminate - not judgement, especially when I haven't given my reasons for termination! Come on people - some reasonable suggestions would be great.

Update 3:

Thank you very much all you reasonable posters - Mat B you are completely right. I have weighed up the options and come up with termination. If it was a logical decision to keep the baby, I would have come up with that - but I've decided to terminate. Funniest thing - my partner's name and initial is Matt B - I had to double check and make sure you weren't him :)

Update 4:

This has been invaluable - thank you everyone. Even though I am in a loving, stable relationship, financially secure, and emotionally capable - I do not want a child yet. And that is fine. Thank you to those who made me realise it really is my choice and nobody can tell me what the answer is. *epiphany* haha thank you!!!

17 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
    Best answer

    go for adoption than abortion,,,,,,,,,,,rest is ur decision dear,,,,,,,,,tc

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    I terminated my pregnancy back in august 09- I had no choice- it was life threatening if i chose to go ahead with it. I still hate myself today for doing it and i was 13 weeks gone and It was very painful both physically and emotionally- i'd suggest your bf goes with you when you have it done as it's awful to go through on your own. If you have made your decision and are going through with it- do it as soon as possible. I'm anorexic now because I can't cope with what happened and I am still with my partner of 3 years. It's tough on the both of you and there won't be a night where you won't cry for a long long time but seriously if you've decided to do it- do it and i'd suggest counselling- cos you don't want to end up like myself- I walk around like a zombie and next month is gonna be even worse since it's when the baby was due. Doesn't help that theres a baby boom around my town at present and everyone is having kids. Sory- about you- counselling, talk to your partner when you feel sad and don't listen to people callin you a murderer etc on this- some people are just stupid- you're not a murderer tho I seriously suggest using another form of contraception after this- just stay strong and you will get through this.

  • 10 years ago

    No matter how certain you are about your decision, and how right you feel it is, some guilt and feelings of emotional termoil are very normal, so I would suggest speaking to a counsellor. If it's not for you, talk it out with your partner or a friend. Just make sure you don't bottle it up. Terminations are hard emotionally and can take it's toll so make sure you have support, because at some point you may need it. None of us can tell you how to cope, because there is no divine answer. You're doing what's right, and when you feel a little overwhelmed, remind yourself of that. Motherhood is something you need to be ready for, because it's full on and tough going. So in that respect I admire you for being brave enough to stand up for what's right for you, rather than being railroaded into a situation you feel unable to cope with. I wish you all the best.

  • 10 years ago

    Wow. It is probably a good thing that you have a few weeks to make a decision. Nothing you are taking lightly as it seems, which is good, but makes the decision all that much harder.

    Have you considered adoption? You would have to endure the pregnancy, maintain your health, go through the labor. But it may put your mind at ease and make you feel less guilty about the decision you make. However, I can tell you from very personal experience, adoption is just as hard emotionally, if not even harder than abortion. Its hard not to get emotionally attached to the creature growing within, and it can often cloud your best judgment or good intentions to give that child a better life if you aren't capable of doing it yourself. You may rid yourself of the guilt that comes with abortion, but you have to be strong enough to let go when you know its the best decision, despite any longing that may come up for you to try to keep and raise them.

    Again, you have a few weeks to make a decision. Know yourself and what you are capable of enduring, and allow yourself to be okay with the decision you make. When you do make your decision, the guilt will ease over time.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Are you in the UK if so get some counselling before hand i sit on the fence with most questions not on here to judge just answer

    Go to your GP and they will point you in the right direction as for coping strategies honestly i really don't know try blocking it out of your mind i have never been in that situation so really cant help but your doctor will be your best source of support

  • 10 years ago

    Your going to have to have some counseling..i had one too, i was much younger then you and not ready. But i still have my regrets, you ll probably have it done around seven or eight weeks, and the hard part for me was seeing what a baby looks like at the stage, it already has a beating heart, arms and legs are developing..so its already a little person.and what they do is just awful, they decapitate the head, and slice open the little body for the organs to spill out...And im not trying to change your mind, but this is what the counselor made me go through first, so just be prepared. And then someone told me. You will never regret having your child, but you may regret not...Well i hope everything turns out okay for you, and just make sure you go somewhere safe, theres so many clinic that leave you with infection and leave you never being able to have a child again.

    Source(s): med student grad
  • 10 years ago

    The best thing you could do would be to speak to a specialist trained counsellor who has experience of talking to people in your situation and helping them cope. Marie Stopes are excellent, and I believe they have counsellors available 24/7 on the phone or you can make an appointment for a face to face consultation. http://www.mariestopes.org.uk/

    What I would say is that you need to prepare yourself for a difficult time ahead. The procedure itself is painful (emotionally and physically) and my advice to you would be to have a general anaesthetic if at all possible.

    Do what is right for you and don't allow judgemental people with no clue about your life or circumstances to force their opinions on you. Adoption is not a cure-all answer; adopted kids often grow up with huge issues and problems of their own. Good luck. x

    Source(s): 1 termination procedure, 7 years ago, due to failed IUD.
  • 10 years ago

    Well Your question cannot be answered. You cannot begin to deal with the feelings until you are 100% convicted in WHY you are doing it. If from every angle you believe it is the right decision, you shouldn't need to seek out coping methods. Because as a non-religious person, you have used facts and logic to come to your decision. I am non-religious as well. If i want to do something. I do it. As long as you aren't hurting anyone else but yourself, it is completely your perogative.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    "I am not religious in any way so anything involving religion of any kind is not going to work."

    I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but who cares.

    At the very least, you should pray on it. You know what? I find that people have to hit rock bottom before they realize they need help from God. Even in this situation. You never know until you try. At any rate, you acknowledge the baby is growing inside of you and that you feel guilty. That kind of sounds like you don't want to do it.

    I feel sorry for you that you're in this situation, but I know that with all the rough things I've faced in my life, ignoring God only made it worse. What it sounds like is that you need help justifying your decision to yourself. Sometimes I think if we did only give things a chance, it might not turn out as badly as we expected.

    Anyway, I've heard the website www.imnotsorry.net has lots of stories of people who have gone through with it and haven't regretted their decision. Maybe you can get in touch with someone there.

  • hi i had a abortion at 6 weeks and it was hard to come to terms with but if u and ue bf feel it aint right for u then u dont need to justify yourself.i didnt condone abortions i hated the idea but its ok for people to judge but it ure body,no one elses.recomend having alot of support behind u if u have a abortion as u will need it.Its very mature for u to think the way u are gd luck xxx

    Source(s): my own experience
  • 10 years ago

    I would suggest getting some professional counselling before you go ahead with the procedure. If you're already feeling bad about the descision it will probaby only get worse afterwasrds without help.

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