Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

Please read - problems with step father to my kids?

hello, i am a single mother of a 5 and 7 year old boys, theyre dad passed away in a car accident three years ago, although we were not together he was the best father ever could be and a best friend to me. 2 years ago i started dating my now boyfriend and he was great with my boys, he has a 4 year old son who he sees about 2-3 time a year for 5-6 days, and before we lived together everytime he had his son he was great with his and mine together, now we live together and im 5 months pregnant with his baby, he does not treat my boys bad but sometimes i feel like he ignores them and dont pay much attention to them unless he is in a perfect mood, we had his son come down for the first time as us living together and to me it was hard, i know he is not the father of my boys but i felt like he did them less 100%. and he would just spoil his son even when his son was wrong he would never do anything because he said he was only there for a week and he will get whatever he wants, the last day he was there they all had dsi's and a game in them, his son and my 5 year old lost the games and so only my 7 year old had his, so my boyfriend asked me if his son can use the one game left and i said yes of course and i gave it to him, well as soon as my boys got out the shower the boys started fighting over the game and i told my son to wait for a while and they can take turns but his son never let mine have it, so when my boyfriend and his son were getting in the shower i asked if i can give the game to my son while they showered and he said "no he going to loose it like they already lost all they'res" and i told him thats the game that my son didnt loose and i let his barrow it while he showered and told him just let him use it while you shower and he just kept say hell no so i snapped and said thats my sons game why do you act like that? and he snapped and started yelling at me infront of the boys and my sister saying you always act stupid when it comes to your kids its ridiculous, im going to go buy MY son a game and no one is going to touch it, so i just left the house for a while, we tried talking a few hours later and i told him all i wanted was for him not to treat my boys less when his son is around and when he not around, it hurts me because they dont have theyre dad anymore and i just wish he tried to love mine a bit, he just gets mad and say "what do you want me to do?, im NOT going to hug and kiss them and im not going to treat them the same, i have to treat my son the best because he is my son and only here for one week, he says i need to teach my kids that dad is dead and **** happens. im hurting really bad because when his son is not here everything is ok, not good but ok, and he the sweetes thing to ME but when we fight he is a monster, he says im wrong about what i want, he says im a crazy *****!. am i asking for too much, please i need advice!!!!!!!

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  • Fred
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    first of all i'm sorry about your lost.now on to this.in the first place he should not be that way.he should be glad that you let his son in the house right.well the way i see it he got to make him self more loving than he is.just because his son is there dose not mien he can't be nice to them right.and so what if his son is only there for a week.yeah but he has the other boys there all the time so what he needs to do is show some love to the other boys.he should not make any different between the other boys.being a dad means you have to show love to all no matter what.that's being a dad.i'm sorry he can't be a dad to all of them.but he's think just because he has his first one he should not show love to the others and that right there is not right.love is some this that all kids need to grow up and to be some one how well not show love to some boys is wrong no matter what it's wrong.i have a question for you.what are you going to do with the one you are going to have for him? is he going to act the same way with this one to?if so you need to set him down and let him know the rules about the boys.now if he can't show them the same love then i say you need to say good by.i know it's sounds a bit hard but you got to do what you got to do.now you ask for my advice well there it is ok.your friend fred

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  • 1 decade ago

    He is wrong, there can be no difference in the way you treat children in the same house by the same people. The real problem is in the fact that your boyfriend was unable to keep his original marriage together, that is simply the long and short of it. And now trying to make up for his lack of understanding that marriage is about the children, he puts his personal irrational feelings into the lives of others. You should give this man an ultimatum: Cowboy up and treat his kid straight forward with honesty and integrity, other wise he can expect his son to grow up with some serious issues! Your son's will be okay because they have you for back up, and hopefully you let them know that:)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    When you have kids its a package deal, I would tell him either he loves all of you or you will have to find some body who can and will. Your kids come before any man and they need extra love, they lost their dad and that is heart wrenching for them and you. No man can take his place but they could make life better and easier if they have a mans love and guidance. You should also have a man who will get your kids in sports and play with them,and teach them man things.

    I'm sorry you lost your husband and best friend and your kids lost a wonderful father, no man can ever take his place but your boyfriend needs to stand up and be a real man and never show any difference between his son and your sons. And when your kids have something like the games it's not his fault that the other boys lost their games and why should yours have to give up his for his son to lose,that's just wrong.

    I hope you can make things change remember your sons come first you are all they have as a parent and they need you more than you need your boyfriend. you are everything to them and they can't raise themselves.

    Good Luck And GOD Bless all of you, You are all in my Prayers

    Source(s): been through similar situation but not because his father died.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Everything is not okay. Your boyfriend can not be allowed to play favorites. It isn't

    healthy for your children and it will cause problems down the road. He isn't being a

    father, he is trying to be his kid's best buddy and that isn't what his son needs from

    him. If he plans on being a father then he needs to be a father to all of the children.

    If he isn't willing to do that then you need to find someone who will treat you better

    and be willing to be a father to all. You and your kids are a package deal. This includes the one on the way. Suggest counseling but if he won't agree then go alone

    to look at your options. I also suggest you talk with a lawyer and get sole and legal

    custody of your unborn. Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    ok i understand you question, i am 15 and in know u might not want advice from a 15 year old right now but i understand from another point of view. my mum has been single for ages and me my sister and my mum were really close i saw my real dad at weekends but my sister never visits her dad ( cos he isnt very nice) about 6 months ago my mum started going out with this man i wasnt to sure of it and then got used to it, i met him and we all seemed to get on really well we did lots of things together and everything was great. then my mum said we are moving in with him and to be honest at first i dident warm to the idea i like my house, my room, my life i thought i would ruin everything. but then we are moved in and everything was still ok. but recentely he has been acting like such a idiot we have been falling out a lot and not getting on as much as we used to, my mum even considered moving back out again and breaking up with him but we decided to work things out, its tough and he sometimes acts like such an indiot but he is getting used to this new lifstyle just as much as we all are so these things just need time once you get over the worst then things start to calm down. my mum was saying to me once she thinks she made a mistake bout moving in and then the next day things will be fine. we are still working at getting along better but within time things will be ok. just keep working beucause familys can be hard work, i would advise asking your sons real feeling s when you bf isnt aroudn and dont be afraid to let them talk abot there dad becuase although my dad is not dead and i am very sorry about that, i still find that its kinda of a law to not talk about him infront of my mums boyfriend becuase he is not part of this family bu the is my family. just spend sometime bonding together and hopefully things will be ok, all the best of luck xxx

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    so what is your mother saying? my husband yelled at my child once and after i got into his face and said "don't u dare ever yell at my child" and now whenever he talks to my children i am watching him like a hawk. nobody yells at my kids except me. why isn't your mother defending u? and yes, try to ignore him as much as possible and move out when u re 18

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  • 1 decade ago

    did he pay attention to your children before you lived together? if not, then why did you get together at all. if you take a mom you should also take her kids, otherwise just leave it.

    he sounds very immature.

    Source(s): life experience
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    just tell them

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