Kelso asked in HealthWomen's Health · 1 decade ago

My boyfriend can't get me to orgasm during regular sex.?

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and a half, but we've only been having sex for about the last six months. I really enjoy doing it with him, but I can never orgasm from having sex with him. He has no problem, and when he's done, he'll go down on me, and I can orgasm from that no problem. He and I were both virgins when we started dating, so we're trying to figure all this stuff out. I know that not being able to please me bothers him, and he is really making an effort, but are there any tricks that might help us out? Please be respectful, and nothing gross.

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  • Kasha
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    Define 'regular' sex.

    Only around 30% of women orgasm from penetrative penis to vaginal sex, very few women get much out of intercourse alone, we women have our clitoris and g-spots, neither of which are stimulated that well during intercourse, only a small part of your vaginal canal will feel anything. You need to change the way you think about sex, I suggest you both read through these pages;

    The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum - http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/the_great...

    Sexual Arousal and Orgasm - http://the-clitoris.com/f_html/arouse_indx.htm - the-clitoris.com is in general a great site discussing female sexual pleasure and health, look through the various articles on this page (see right-hand side) as well as the site in general.

    Get more into thinking about hugging, kissing, touching, masturbation, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and outercourse all as being sex, not just intercourse. When it comes to intercourse the easiest way to reach orgasm is to have him stimulate your clitoris during sex or work with different positions to find ways of stimulating your clitoris or g-spot without having to use hands, also lots of foreplay so that you are fully aroused prior to intercourse. Know that sex with any new partner can be awkward, it can take time to get everything together and gain enough trust and understanding of each others bodies so to be able to relax and fully enjoy sex. He needs to understand as much as you do that you not reaching orgasm during intercourse is perfectly normal, he's doing well if he can make you orgasm in other ways so he has nothing to worry about - his concerns over this are understandable, as are yours, but worrying about something that is perfectly normal can cause all sorts of problems in a relationship.

    Men will reach orgasm before women, it can take women longer to reach orgasm, but the more times you have sex (to orgasm) in a night the longer it will take him to reach climax and the shorter time it will take you to reach climax. Men and women do sync up, but only if there is enough sex being had to reach that point, if sex is all about having sex in a way that gets him off then you're never going to reach that point and you're both going to have a less than fulfilling sex life (yes he's getting orgasms, but orgasm isn't the be all and end all of sex, and sex is more pleasurable when you're both getting your rocks off) - have sex in different ways, get more foreplay, demand it. A man can have multiple orgasms, if he can orgasm without ejaculating (it's possible, and practising this and delayed climax can help him go for longer too), but usually they have to wait a while before getting into sex again, so that is the perfect opportunity for you to get yours - before intercourse, between intercourse - the more you put into sex how your body can orgasm (foreplay) the more likely you will be able to easily reach orgasm during intercourse. Demand pleasurable sex, it sounds as though you are already getting pleasurable sex from sex acts other than intercourse, but don't be scared to keep trying to get that orgasm during intercourse too, experiment with each other.

    There are of course sex toys, but honestly as bloody brilliant as sex toys are - vibrators for your clitoris, penis rings, vibrating rings, anal plugs, and all the other wonderful things out there - they really shouldn't be used as a short cut, as far as I'm concerned. They are a quick-fix, they don't build the sort of closeness and communication that a good sex life does. They're get you your orgasm but it isn't nearly as fulfilling as a good sex life without toys, you shouldn't need toys they should just be a nice addition from time to time. I'd also point out that most toys used during sex are vibrating for the purpose of clitoral orgasm, and this type of orgasm is not as deep, powerful or long as vaginal or g-spot orgasm, also clitoral orgasms tend not to go through the whole body as other orgasms do - and yes, there are different types of orgasms, different nerves, different areas different feelings.

  • 1 decade ago

    It seems you're expecting to have orgasms from the actual intercourse itself. If you'd have those, that would put you in the minority.

    75% of all women can't have an orgasm from intercourse alone, they need clitoral stimulation, either separately or during.

    I'll say it again, because it's important: Most women do not have orgasms from intercourse alone.

    Do you masturbate at all? If not, it sounds like you should! That way, you could learn what it takes for you to get off, so to speak, and then you could show your guy. In any case, you need to know where your clitoris is, and make sure he knows it as well. Because that's a woman's pleasure button.

    It has a lot more nerve endings than the inside of your vagina does. That may help you understand why things feel the way they do.

    You might want to try having an orgasm before the actual intercourse. It's very satisfying that way. It makes intercourse feel way better to me. The 'ladies first' approach works really well here.

    If you want to have orgasms during intercourse, then often the easiest way is for him or you to stimulate your clitoris by hand during the deed. Don't be ashamed; you have a right to enjoy sex as much as he does, and there is nothing wrong with a helping hand. But to be honest, he will probably enjoy it if it makes sex more pleasurable for you.

    PS All sex is 'regular sex'.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Having vaginal sex alone isn't a very effective way to have orgasms for most women, and well over 70% *never* orgasm that way because the vagina isn't the place where women's most direct sexual pleasure comes from. The clitoris is.

    Masturbation is having sex with the only person you'll ever meet who knows *exactly* what you feel and what you like, even if that changes every second.

    If you can have orgasms dependably when you masturbate (or he goes down on you), you can have them dependably whenever you have vaginal sex with a partner... either by giving them to yourself during sex or by teaching your partner what works for you so *he* can give them to you.

    Seriously. If you don't have orgasms alone... it's time you learned: how's your man gonna know how to get the work together with you if *you* don't even know what the job is?

    Have fun and don't worry. Masturbation is normal and healthy for everyone, learning what pleases you the best sexually is good for you, and when it comes to having sex with the one you *want*, you'll be able to tell them (better yet, to show him) the things you like best.

  • 1 decade ago

    im sorry to hear. me and my girlfriend found this and she LOVED it! you should definitely get it and read it it will help. ; ). a great orgasm over and over can change a woman. hehehe.. also check out my blog, i felt like this was something big that a lot of women needed to know about because a lot more couples are having problems than they tend to share. so this is exactly why i made it. i hope it helps!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Do it different ways, u on top, him on top, from the back but not doggy(ewww) and maybe get him(if he can dance or roll his stomach or body) *while he's in you* roll his stomach, and it will feel diff maybe this will work......other than that idk...

    oh maybe while your on top let him rub your clit, that works......

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    don't fake one. don't make him think it is entirely his responsibility. a lot of it is mental relaxation on the woman's part. take your time and one will come eventually. this is not uncommon.

  • 1 decade ago

    Give it time. It wont come in a snap of a finger haha. It will come in time.

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