How do you feel about being the one given away?

i am only 6 weeks along and am thinking out my options. i have 2 kids already (3 1/2 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl) and a 7 yr old step-daughter. i thought we were done but apparently not. i am not going to lie, i got lazy with the pills so i missed 2 or 3 and here we are. the thing is we can barely afford the... show more i am only 6 weeks along and am thinking out my options. i have 2 kids already (3 1/2 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl) and a 7 yr old step-daughter. i thought we were done but apparently not. i am not going to lie, i got lazy with the pills so i missed 2 or 3 and here we are. the thing is we can barely afford the family as it is, i am sure if we really tried we could manage with one more but that would mean we would have to finally break down and go on public assistance and i would have to leave work for a while (i was on bed rest with #2 so i may have to do that again, plus i really don't want to miss out on the first few months). that said i would rather not go through all of that. i was leaning towards abortion which never even crossed my mind before, so then i start feeling all guilty and thinking ,maybe adoption would be better (closed adoption i don't want to see her knowing she isn't mine anymore). so adoptees, how do you feel knowing your b-family kept your siblings but gave you away? would it be better just to abort? the more i think about it the more conflicted i get, i want to do whats best for everyone involved and i have no one to talk to. my mom would tell me to keep it and do whatever i have to, and my fiance is being mr. politically correct and just keeps saying it's my body and so its my choice (which isn't very fair it is his kid too, so this shouldn't be laid all on my shoulders). anyway, what do you think/ how would you feel?
Update: Thank you all for your answers, some made me cry but it helped snap me out of the stupid "any life is better than none" fairy tale i was starting to create. i think a major part of the conflict is that this is my last chance at being preg. again (we already planned on using our tax return to get him a... show more Thank you all for your answers, some made me cry but it helped snap me out of the stupid "any life is better than none" fairy tale i was starting to create.

i think a major part of the conflict is that this is my last chance at being preg. again (we already planned on using our tax return to get him a vasectomy). i know both what it would cost us and what we would be missing out on, and i am trying to justify the money issue but that just isn't a very solid reason to tell someone, and i knew that but you all seem to agree.

i think i have been thinking selfishly, i feel guilty about the taboo of abortion and so i should try to give them away and hide like that is any better? just so they can live and i didn't even consider how the other kids would feel about it.

i still have 3 more weeks to think and think, but i can say that adoption is no longer one of my options. i am sorry for digging at your wounds.
Update 2: i should also thank you for helping me understand my mom a little better. she was kind of adopted. her bdad ran out on my grandma when she was preg. and so she rushed and married my grandpa and he claimed my mom as his. she never knew until she was a teen when one of her aunts let the secret out. we don't even... show more i should also thank you for helping me understand my mom a little better. she was kind of adopted. her bdad ran out on my grandma when she was preg. and so she rushed and married my grandpa and he claimed my mom as his. she never knew until she was a teen when one of her aunts let the secret out. we don't even know his name (grandma won't say a word on the subject. just cried and asked me why i hated my grandpa so much, when i don't i was just asking for the other guys name). my mom seems well ajusted and acts like she doesn't care at all but if she is hurting like some of you it would explain at lot of the things she has said and done.
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