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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Fiancee question please help im desperate i need some advice?

ok me and my fiancee are in a long distance relationship right now

he just moved to chicago ( he's living with his parents right now until he can get settled and get on his feet)

he moved there to change his lfe around and go to school

I'm in california right now ( for personal family reasons)

I'm going to chicago in a few weeks to be with him.

Well he has no one out there no friends , he says he's not out there to make friends he's in chicago to go to a better animation school( i totally understand this)

About 2 months ago i got my fiancee to stop drinking it was ruining our relationship and i told him i would leave if he did not stop drinking, he stopped, well tonight i called him and he is really drunk he fell off the wagon and i'm just confused and scared

i just hung up with him he was falling asleep while i was talking to him.

I know he loves me and he needs me in his life

he said he is sick and tired of having no one,

before he moved the friends he had got him to peer pressure big time!!!

i told my fiancee we would talk about this in the morning

i dont know what to do

i love him very much i dont wanna leave him

i know he just wants to focus on school

but im not gonna lie im scared if he starts hanging out with the wrong crowd its gonna ruin everything for us

please help me

i'm crying my eyes right now i have high blood pressure

i just need some advice

14 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    acholicism distroys families...and YOU can't make him stop...he has to do this for himself.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Hey Jamie. My opinion on long distance relationships is that they hardly ever work. If hes drinking now, whats going to happen when your stuck living with him and he's getting drunk again? When you say your going to Chicago to be with him, do you mean to visit or live? If your going to visit I think you need to have a nice, long, heart-to-heart talk with him about whats going on in his world and what his expectations and your expeditions of marriage are. If your going there to live with him I'd say put that on hold for right now. Chicago is a big city and it's not hard to get into the wrong crowd (Just bing honest) so maybe he's lonely and/or is trying to make new friends. You need to stress that his drinking is a deal breaker and you won't marry him if his booze is more important than you. Best of luck.

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  • 4 years ago

    From your description, I can see that your fiancee is depressed. Give him some time to get out of this phase and then clear the air of suspicion surrounding you and your ex-boy friend once again. Any amount of justification now will only lead to more arguments and complicate your relationship. Be patient and gradually explain to him how much you love and care for him and how his suspicion every now and then hurts you very badly. He must also promise not to hurt you in future even if he is depressed or his mind is poisoned by someone for vested interests. Your assurance to stand by him what may come is the signal you need to give him till he regains the confidence in you. In future avoid any place/s where your ex-boyfriend turns up i.e. just walk out the place with your fiancee the moment you see him around. Even if your fiancee insists to remain and test you. You politely walk out to give no room for any suspicion even if you are sincere in your relationship with your fiancee. Why take / give chances to your fiancee to complain? This is the price you have to pay for not loosing him and as he is the love of your life. (Please also keep a tab on him. Not that he has started an affair with someone else without your knowledge and is deliberately taking up your ex-boy friends issue as a bait to get rid of you. Pray, this is not the case. "ONE NEVER KNOWS, IN LOVE AND HATE EVERYTHING IS FAIR". Good luck !!

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  • 1 decade ago

    You have to look at this for what it is right now - not what you want it to be, what it could be, or what it should be. He is a drunk, and if you can live with him the way he is - then move out there. But you can't control him. If you can't live with him the way he is - tell him you're sorry, but maybe he should focus on school, get his s#!^ together and you'll rethink it in a few months.

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  • 1 decade ago

    My blood pressure with the right man has me almost off my medication. With my last ex it was blood pressure meds, headache meds and doctors wanting me on antidepressants. The only thing I need now is a low dose of blood pressure medication. I would have never guessed a wrong man could cause all those problems. Look for your smile and that is the direction to go.

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  • sam
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    DON'T MARRY HIM ! i don't care if u love him love is blindddddddddddddd. if a man cares about you he woudl not give u this kind of grief and he seems like every other simian like male its better to love yourself a tad more stop relying on men for your happiness and get a good distractiing toy. u can never change a man till eh wnats to change himself . first things first he dont know what he wants out of life ( i'm surpised u havent ntoiced) 2 all men wnat in a wife is a mommy

    3 helllo they scratch thier nuts in public they think beer bongs is art and have u ever had that great of sex with him?( i'm betting no) LOVE IS BLIND SISTER. anyone whos ever been married knows its always the same sex. u just tellign yoursel he lvoes u and needs u he loves u like he loves his mommy!! and when someone says they are sick and tired of havign no one it means they want anyone it doesnt hafta be u... and if he aint strong enough to find soem non neanderthal friends... its a big deal closer but go ahead and 2 years later be a divorcee. i was gonna marry a neanderthal too till i got smacked by a gal pal. hun there is no such thing as a evolved male. females evolve we've had to males however don't

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  • 1 decade ago

    Some very good answers so far.

    You cannot love someone enough to stop addiction or alcoholism.

    That is something he has to resolve within himself.

    I agree with the answerer who advised refer him to al-anon, and do not marry him unless he has been sober at least a year.

    The pain you feel now is incomparable to the pain you will feel if you marry him, bring children into the relationship, and he continues down this path.

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  • 1 decade ago

    He has an alcohol problem and needs professional help, try and steer him in that direction, otherwise this will continue, it has nothing to do with the wrong crowd, he has an addiction and needs help, u might want to have a look at alanon an organisation that will help u understand the problem....all the very best

    Source(s): Xperience
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  • Your fiancee' can run away to any city....but he can't run away from himself. He went home to change and better his opportunities....and what does he do but "fall off the wagon".

    It seems to me that he isn't trying to change anything. He is using his family to hide from himself and you are letting him emotionally hurt you. And it is taking a physical toll on your health. You relationship is a very unhealthy one. It is stealing your soul. Only you can take your life back and take control of your life.

    Unfortunately.....his behavior will only get worse. Marriage is not what this guy needs. And only he can help himself. Don't be his crutch. You will crumble under the weight and strain trying to hold him up.

    You can't save him....only he can save himself. Don't be in a co-dependent relationship......they suck the life out of you.

    Source(s): I have been in one of these relationships and it about killed me.
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  • 1 decade ago

    The drinking is not gonna stop, I went through the same thing and it won't stop, so the best thing to do might be to move on.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Men who drink are dangerous for families, my dad was one of those bastards who drank constantly finding excuses to get drunk and it ruined me, unless he HONESTLY stops drinking then you have to choose if you can be in the relationship with him.

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