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why do i feel guilty about letting my 6 week old baby use pacifier?

i feel guilty about that. i feel guilty when i put her on her own during the day, even when she looks happy being alone. i feel guilty all the time i am spending away from her, not reading or singing to her. I need to spend some time on my own on the computer, catching up on email etc. but i feel so guilty when i do! It is like i am constantly tense about how to ensure her development and what i can be doing for her and how i can be engaging with her.

i breastfeed 8-10 times daily, spend time holding her after every feeding at night until she is deep asleep before putting her down in her crib which is next to my bed.

are these feelings normal?

am i a bad mom for wanting her to sleep during the day so i can get some me-time? is it bad i give her pacifier even when she is not crying or indicating she wants a pacifier just so she gets lulled into sleep more easily?

please tell me how it is like for you.

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    I imagine this is your first baby, you didn't mention that in your question. The feelings you are having are totally normal for a new mom. It is sometimes hard after the birth of your child because for so long he or she was depending on you 100 percent while in the womb. Now that she is born it feels strange not to have her depend on you that way any longer. Holding your newborn, loving her, singing to her and showing your love for her is very important but it is also important for her to know that she can be put down and she will still be okay and safe. Do not feel guilty if you give her a pacifier. They are now saying pacifiers are proven to not only comfort a baby but also lowers risk of sids. You are not a bad mom for wanting her to sleep during the day so you can also have some much needed mommy alone time. Babies spend more time sleeping than doing much of anything else, she needs her sleep to grow and nothing that you are doing is harmful or wrong. You are a new mom going through so many different emotions. Your baby is lucky to have such a loving mommy. You need to stop feeling guilty and realize that holding her all the time is not the best thing for her either. A happy medium is the best situation. So love her, nurture her and be the best mommy you can be and don't feel any guilt feelings for wanting alone time for yourself. Just enjoy her because time goes so fast.....

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    First take a deep breath. For some babies it is normal for them to cry, and cry, and cry. As for the sleeping through the night, Why are you waking him around 11 for another bottle? If you are waking him then he doesn't need it. Also you can just let him cry to get it out of his system. That's what some babies do for attention. My youngest has just turned a year old and he cries for about 7 or 8 minutes before he falls asleep. He does this every time he goes to sleep. Do you have a swing? If you do use it...it may work wonders. Also if your always around him then he may be getting worried when you walk out of the room to do something. Try taking him with you and either letting him scoot on the floor or put him in a seat. As for the rice cereal, I notice that most of the people on here say not to use it, but if you think your baby needs more in his system use it. With my oldest, we started giving him rice cereal in his bottle at 6 weeks old cause he was drinking 8oz every 2-3 hours.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Maternal separation anxiety!! Your anxiety is hormonal and normal, I do the same thing. It just hits me sometime, although logic tells me that she is just fine being alone sometimes; she gets her needs taken care of, lots of cuddle time and stories, frequent diaper changes. Yet, I feel guilt when she is babbling away in her swing or on a play blankie, and I am not there babbling away with her. Everyone tells me to chill out! I am 8 weeks pp, so we are at about the same point in time. It has gotten a little better for me... the child is well cared for, just remember that :) I feel so guilty sometimes. My parents have watched her a few times while me and my significant get out for a few hours, not even once a week. We live with them, and they randomly offer to watch her. Don't beat yourself up, you deserve a little you time! I love it when Fiona sleeps during the day. Don't worry about pacifiers, they are not so bad.

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  • Meaux
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    The only reason you feel guilty is because you are letting yourself be intimidated by other mothers. Forget them. Do what YOU need to do for YOUR child and YOUR family. You're not a bad mom just because you aren't up to par to the ideals of some stranger. Forget them. There's nothing wrong with pacifiers.

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  • Traci
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Parenting is filled with feeling guilty. You will be unsure, and self conscious about the things you do, and the way you do it a million times over. You shouldnt feel guilty to want some "you" time...because with out that you time, you would lose your mind...and a mommy who is frustrated, and cranky is not a useful or nice mommy. You are doing a lovely job from the sounds of it, and nurturing your baby in every way you possibly can.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think that's perfectly normal. I'm not saying it's right just very normal. My mother never understands why i pick babies up when I see them awake even though they aren't fussing. I tell her my kids are free range babies. I just can't stand the sight of an awake baby ina crib.

    On the other hand I have enough sense of self that I think I am entitled to time to do what I want/need to do. We compromise, I get my babies up but sometimes I put them next to me on the couch and read or do crafts. When they get to be 6 or so months they can sit up and then you just put them on the floor where they can watch you easily. I spend lot's of time baby teaching and playing too.

    Remember babies have to learn everything including how to enjoy life and they have to learn that from watching you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Its natural definitely. All moms feel like that.

    Your are NOT a bad mom for wanting me time. The pacifier thing isnt bad but if you do it every time she's going to sleep, she might not be able to fall asleep without it in the future. But if its not 24/7 it should be fine. :)

    Good luck!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    NO, thats totally normal. I felt the same way. Don't feel guilty. You need you time, as long as you make good out of the awake time she gets. LOL, enjoy all that sleeping because as she gets older she will be awake more. It will be awesome and she will be rolling and cooing and crawling, but also sleeping longer at night, so you'll be good. No worries. I too, used to be like "shouldn't you be sleeping right now little one?"

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  • ccc922
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I told my Mom the same thing & she said "welcome to motherhood, it's constantly filled w/ guilt". My baby is almost 5 weeks & I feel the same way. Oh & as for the pacifier, studies suggest it helps to reduce the risk of SIDS. I try daily to get my son to take it. No need to feel guilty there!

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  • skegcu
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    i feel like that sometimes too..when i need my hands to eat, wash dishes, clean the house, etc. i sometimes feel bad when i put my son on the floor to play, i feel bad when hes on his back for too long, i feel bad when we go on a trip and hes in his carseat for too long. i think i just feel bad when hes left anywhere for too long. ive never started with a pacifier because i dont really think its necessary. i know what you mean..you need time for yourself though. just as long as your not neglecting her, then try not to feel too guilty! its probably just a new mom feeling =)

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