Confused over what to do with my suicidal teenage daughter?
Hello again, I have posted a question before but I'd like some solid advice.
My daughter does not like anyone touching her, does not like to be bothered and spends all of her time alone even when we have company. It is as if she lives in her own little world. Amongst other things, I've found quite disturbing images on her computer.
Today, I was looking at her calendar on her iPod to check out when her driver's ed appointment was, and I saw written "kill self" as a task for yesterday. Of course she didn't, but I found that a bit odd to place on a calendar.
Last night she, my husband and I were having an argument over dinner. It lasted around two hours, she was in bed the entire time because when my husband started trying to reason with her over dinner, she was already in bed. This was around 10:30. It ended shortly before 1 AM, and my husband and I went to bed around half an hour later. As I passed by her room, I could hear her crying violently (yet not loud enough to be heard except right outside her door) and whispering what sounded like "please kill me," to herself. I don't know how long this went on but I went into her room before I went to work in the morning and she was not crying.
She argues constantly and is constantly belittling me. It really takes a toll on my self-esteem. I am a bit sensitive and she knows that, yet she never stops arguing, she has even said on a few occasions that she hates me. She wakes me up when I'm meant to go to work, claiming that she feels sick but can't talk loud enough for me to hear (I wear earplugs in the morning) explaining it, so when I tell her to speak up she just leaves. She does this multiple times and after a while, I admit I get very angry. I have said things about her being worthless, lazy, trashy, sl*tty and that I hate living with her but it was always after an argument. When I do get physical with her it rarely leaves bruises, if it does they are usually not even very large. I've played mind games with her and manipulated memories she has but the reason I am saying this is because I am a changed person. I am getting help and have been in therapy for two months.
Anyway, I have no idea what to do with my daughter. I've been logging her chats for the past few weeks and she's still talking to the older men, I've even found some disgusting personal pictures of theirs on her Received Files folder. I have no idea if she sends them anything, but I don't know how to stop all of this. Kids need the internet, they need their internet, if not for fun for school.
My daughter is 16 now, almost an adult. Any advice appreciated. If you want more information, here is my older question: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApSRz...
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Even though I'm not a girl, I still think I should give some response. You first need to try to find out why she feels suicidal. Don't try to pry it out of her, just mention it vaguely, like what's going on in your life? Also, don't get frusterated, be more understanding, even though it's hard. This is from one slightly depressed teen to another suicidal teen. If all else fails, watch her closely, cause you never know......
- 1 decade ago
I commend you for taking steps to get help for yourself. That's a courageous thing to do. However 2 months is not a long time to be in therapy.
Your daughter sounds like she is in serious trouble to me, but frankly, I don't think you are the right person to help her with this at the moment. You are still minimising the damage you have done to her in the past, making excuses and saying you are a changed person. Probably not in her eyes. And because you've been in therapy for 2 months, why do you have the right to be logging her chats? Sorry, but it seems a bit too much parenting way too late for your daughter.
Living in her own little world is her defence mechanism. It's been her way of coping with her life as she sees it through her eyes.
Does your daughter have any adult in her life that she can actually talk to and trust? A grandparent, school counsellor, sports coach or someone similar? Community programs will often have counsellors or youth workers who may be able to assist her. If you are truly concerned that she is suicidal, call your local crisis team.
The pictures may well be disturbing, but they are more likely a result of what's been going on in the family home. When she feels more settled, she may not feel the need to correspond with older men. If you feel this is a REAL concern, contact your local police.
Focus on your own therapy and do your best not to inflict any further harm on your daughter. I realise this answer probably seems harsh, but you are a grown woman, and your daughter is just starting out in her life. Give her a chance to recover from her seemingly crappy youth and grow into a strong and capable woman.
- 1 decade ago
your daughter needs consistency and you are not giving that to her. Don't try to be nice the next day after you called her a slut; it probably confuses her and makes her feel like she really is one. You need to keep your temper in check at all times; you are the adult. Never call her names or grab her. She is talking to older men on the internet because she is looking for someone constant in her life who will love her; she may be going about it the wrong way but this is the only way she knows how probably. It's too late for you to try to be supermom to her because she has seen the way you are and she thinks that this will last for a while and you will be right back to yelling at her. You're already doing a fine job of that by spying on her and what she does on the computer. She probably stays in her room all day because it is safer there for her; out of sight out of mind. She is probably terrified of being yelled at or abused so she tries to make herself as small as possible. When you get in arguments she uses anything she can against you to show you that you are not perfect either and shouldn't expect her to be. She wants to die because dying would be better in her mind that her current situation. My advice would be to send her to live with someone else until you and your husband can get your act together. She might still act up, in fact she more than likely will, but she will hopefully then be in a safe and consistent environment. Kids have enough issues at school, work, and with peers without their parents to abuse them as well. What you are doing is abuse and you need to own up to that. Send her somewhere else for a while and get your act together. Also quit spying on her because it will only make things worse. Your chance to turn things around easily is over. This will not be easy and perhaps the best thing you can do is let her make her own mistakes and live her own life now. She'll learn eventually and if she doesn't then at least she had the opportunity to without being ridiculed.Source(s): I was abused by my parents.
- 1 decade ago
Im 20. Although i never went throught something like this personally, my best friend did. She used to even cut her self and give her self multiple burises. Your daughter needs to either see a psychatrist, or be checked into a hopsital. I live in GA, and theres a psychiatric hospital that my best friend went to... she stayed for almost two weeks, but she was a changed person when she came home. At the hosital they work on group sessions and individual therapy sessions. They also put my friend on an anti-depressant. If you dont want to go that route, maybe you and your daughter could see the doctor together. you said you are trying to change... well maybe you can take her with you? or make appointments for the both of you? i hope this helped! and ill keep you in my thoughts :)
- What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
kill self that means she cut her self yesterday
whatever you do DONT get angry with her that will make her more mad at you and worse for herself
honestly its you making it worse for her dont call her anything no matter what she says to you think about it she is yelling at you cuz she is so depressed and its a way to get things out she is cutting herself btw to make her stop dont let her wear long sleeves or jeans cuz then shell be so secure shell have to stop
do you want a dead daughter? if not stop being such a B***** to her
honestly she never gets on the internet for school work if she is at home and if she shows you she is by you walking by its because she pulled up a diff tab on the browser take away the internet it will piss her off but she can use the school compSource(s): previouse self harmr
- JodyLv 71 decade ago
She is emotionally damaged, she needs help as badly as you do.
Stop hitting her, what's the point? As a daughter that was physically abused by my mom I can tell you it damages us for a lifetime.
The psychological abuse is even worse. The swearing and name calling and telling her you don't want to live with her destroys self-confidence, self-esteem and breeds contempt for you and self-hate. The contempt is the only sign that she's trying to fight back for her life. But obviously she's losing the battle.
Get her into therapy. Get her in to see a Psychiatrist. Tell her you are sorry and tell her it's not her fault over and over. Tell her you love her and then fake it until you do. Stop arguing. Just shut your mouth, clamp right down on it, turn and walk away. It's better for both of you. Swallow your pride, it will heal both of you faster.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
DONT TAKE HER TO A MENTAL INSTITUTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats the most important thing... depression seems to stick with people for a really long time when people do things that are rash like that, its a phase, at some point all teens go through it whether its for a few weeks or a few years.
Just make her comfortable at home, don't give her a reason to be depressed (taking her to a councler is a reason...). If she wants to see one don't stop her. Don't tell her shes depressed, but if you need to say something just tell her shes sad.
Get her a dog, or some other pet. One that she will like and pick out herself. It seems to me like you hater her by the things you do. It doesnt matter what she says or does, shes decades younger than you and you need to be nice to her. I would think there was something wrong with her if she wasn't depressed if you got physical with her and did those things with her...
- S*o*SLv 41 decade ago
ok- she is crying out for positive attn.... if you yell at her for finding these things you will only upset. her... Maybe you havent spent as much mother daughter time--- Girls need a day out with MOM only like once a month!!!
positive activities like a fun movie.... go get pedicures together....
All her symptoms- pics etc... Are a cry for attn.... so give it to her- positive only...!!!!!!!!!
WOW you ruined it- calling her names thats gonna build her up.. Should-not be a MOM if cant handle it. Rebelious kids come from bad parenting.. or parents that ignore kids- b/c selfish
Grow UP.... She needs you- A MOM not a mean person telling all these things.. I am sure she has way more good things than bad.
STOP POINTING OUT THE BAD- OR YOU WILL LOSE HER 4 EVER!
p.s. go to church YOU need itSource(s): Happy christian
- Anonymous1 decade ago
in stead of calling her names when she gets mad, talk with her. if that doesn't work, you should stop going to therapy, and send her there. Force her to go. the best way is to put yourself in charge.
you are the parent.you have to take responsibility.
you must change her. she could be a great person one day, if you don't change her, she WILL end up dead.
you can stop this now, and do it fast. if you are religious, bring her to a wise one, if not, consider it.Source(s): personal experience
- JinglesLv 71 decade ago
Call her doctor for a mental health consult, you need one ASAP