My father is dating a guy?

I'm 18 and i'm the only kid my parents hard. My mother passed away 6 years ago from cancer & it took a while for my dad to start getting over it. About a year ago he started bring this guy around and at the time he told me that they were just friends but they would hang out everyday and something just didn't seem right with them but I kept my mouth shut until he told me that they are in a relationship. My dad is 36 years old and he has always been a major part of my life & has done so much for me and I want to see him happy but with a women. It's not the fact that he's gay/bi that bothers me but I wanted a step mother someone that I could love & cherish. This doesn't look like it's going to happen though because they are moving in with each other and his boyfriend is starting to call me his son.

How should I explain to my dad that this is hurting me & that I wanted him to meet a nice women to settle down with?

21 Answers

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  • Russ
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    Carlos,

    Unlike some of the others, I don't think you are being selfish. I think your are being honest.

    You are obviously still dealing with the loss of your mother (my sincerest sympathy), and your wish for another female adult in your life, to carry out the role of mother is natural and normal. And I think you are quite a guy for saying it openly.

    I, too, was raised as an only child, and I know that not having brothers or sisters makes things a lot more difficult.

    Since you and your Dad were left alone, you probably became a lot closer than you otherwise might have.

    Now, all of a sudden, there is another person in your Dad's life, someone whom you did not invite to share your Dad with.

    But, as you are 18, you must realize that soon you must be out of the home, and on your own. In this, I wish you a wonderful happy life.

    But can you imagine how alone your Dad would feel with you, his only family, gone from the home?

    I'm in a situation pretty similar to your Dad's situation, and it's pretty scary. Loneliness is a scary prospect.

    So try to be understanding, but set your own limits. I don't feel, for instance, that it is appropriate for this guy to call you "son."

    Don't fight over it, but let your own feelings be known. After all, this situation was not of your own making, but was thrust upon you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your dad is coming out now so you really can't do anything about that. He chose to be in a relationship with a man, and all you can do is tell him what he is doing is not something you agree with. You should be happy he is with someone, but you are uncomfortable having a step mother who is a guy.

    Tell him you wanted him to date a nice woman and to settle down. That is your feelings you have, but I don't think your dad will stop being in a relationship with that guy.

    You just have to learn to accept it for what it is, even though it is the hardest thing for you to deal with right now. Lean on a friend who happens to be a female, and talk to her. I am sorry this is hurting you, but there is not much you can do.

    Talk to your dad and he will understand what is going on with you. If he doesn't, then explain to him and give yourself some time. You are probably still in shock after learning about your dad coming out of the closet.

    Perhaps your dad is happy with a man, but it is not going to help you with your needs. Just let him know what you feel and be strong.

  • 1 decade ago

    You have every right to feel the way that you do.

    Since birth you've seen your dad with a woman (your mom) so the fact that he is with a man somewhat troubles you. It's OK to feel that way. I know that losing your mom was tough and especially losing a very important female figure in your life.

    Do you have an aunt or some other female figure in your life that you can talk to. Ask yourself what it is that you feel is missing from having a step mother that you can't get from another female family member or even your dads boyfriend.

    Try and be as honest as you can when speaking with your dad. Tell him everything you feel and how it is effecting you. In doing this you are allowing an open communication for this poblem and will hopefully some to a resolve bout the situation.

    Keep your head up kid.

  • Kate D
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    As hard as it may be for you, you need to learn to accept your dad's relationship with this other guy and support the two of them as best you can.

    It's not up to you to decide whom your dad gets to date or settle down with. As long as he's happy with his boyfriend -- and there are no signs of abuse or other dangerous or illegal activity on the part of either man -- then you should let their relationship be what it is and

    at least make an effort to be happy for their combined happiness.

    Your father's new boyfriend seems like a really nice guy. I bet, if you give him a chance, the two of you will come to love and cherish each other very much, even though he's your new "stepdad" instead of a "stepmom." If you need outside assistance coming to terms with your new family arrangement, join P-FLAG (Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) or some similar support group for people with LGBT loved ones. Or, seek individual counseling with your school counselor or another neutral professional counselor.

    Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    How do you know you wont love and cherish his boyfriend? What makes you a cherished person is not whats in between your legs, its your heart. Its so hard to find love and be happy, your dad has found someone that makes him feel this way then why take that away from him? Give him a try, do something for your dad since he's done so much for you. Good luck!

  • Rich G
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Sorry your 18 and it looks like it's not about you anymore.

    Your dad has the right to make his life whatever he thinks it needs to be. If it's with a woman or a man. You need to get out and get a woman (or man) for yourself. At this point your old enough to make a life of your own.

    Just be happy for your dad that he is happy, you can tell him you don't agree with his relationship, but that's about all you need to interfere. Just support him like you would expect him to do with you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your dad loves you im sure, and your mum im sure would want you all to be happy, if this guy cares why not care back he obviously has a nice personality, thats what really matters does it matter m or f as long as they treat you right, your dad is probably going through i tough time too, im sure you are, and i hope you are both happy in time, if your choice is a girl or boy im sure your dad would support you, stand by him, life is short you have to make the most of it, im sure your mum would just want you happy, i hope you will be good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    Sometimes people do things that hurt us. We cant control people. Even though it may hurt you. Even though you want something else.

    Your dad may be happier with this man.

    Would you rather him be happy with a man, or unhappy alone/with a woman??

    Write a letter to him. Tell him that this has hurt you and it will be hard to get used to but you love him and he has been apart of your life. You dont want to lose that.

    We cant control people. No matter what you say to your father, if he wants to be with this man, he will be. Isnt an easy lesson to learn but it is an important one.

    Also i think it is important that he doesnt call you son. That is something i would make clear. He isnt your dad and he doesnt have the right to call you that. I was forced to call someone my dad and he wasnt. Dont let that happen to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would think with you being 18 years old that you would be a little more understanding. The way you feel, will not change the feelings your dad has for his boyfriend. Your father deserves to be happy. You might not agree with his lifestyle (which you say you do, but I don't think you do, you're contradicting yourself) but you need to learn to accept it. Love your dad for who he is, I'm sure he loves you unconditionally.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I agree with michael morphine.It does sound like you want a mother figure in your life since you lost your mother at such a young age. It doesn't sound like you're being selfish or insensitive to your father.

    Talk to him and I'm pretty sure he'll understand how you are feeling. I wish you the very best.

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