HELP! My grandmother is going on her first date in decades.....?
Well, the problem is that my grandmother feels intimidated, because she knows sex will be part of her weekend, and she has frankly asked me to tell her what guys like and expect in the bedroom these days. I am really embarrassed to talk with my grandmother about sex, but she just says, "Listen, I am nearly 80, if I can't talk about it, I can't wait around for another decade---I'm on a time schedule here!" She then plows right ahead, asking what men these days like, and asking my opinion: "If a woman did such and such, would that get you off?" and "Don't you like it when you get to do such and such?" and also "I hear these days men expect women to let them do such and such; what should I be ready for, and how can I prepare beforehand?"
I have stammered my way through a few extremely uncomfortable conversations, but she is really nervous about her big weekend, and keeps bringing this up. What is even worse is that she has requested me to go to the adult bookstore and buy her some items, because "Things aren't the same; what used to be wetlands have had some years of drought", and this is just embarrassing for me, buying stuff, especially when she excitedly asks about warming oils and flavoured things that they have at the store. She even gave me a ton of cash and said, "Just look over everything and get whatever you think would really help me rock his world, and will also assure me some really big finishes. Before God took your grandpa all those years ago, I could always count on feeling the earth move at least four times in a night." I have told her I was embarrassed shopping for her, and she just said, "Look, I know you are no stranger to that place! When I cleaned your apartment last month I found your magazines and videos! I am surprised your hand hasn't developed arthritis!"
So you see, this is a rough situation for me. How can I deal with this? I am trying to be sensitive to her feelings, and I know it is perfectly natural that she still enjoy life at her age, but I am just cringing every time the phone rings, thinking it is grammy wanting to talk some more.