uhhh...is this going to be a bad parenting move?
there was a question on here about what to say if your child questions an authoritative decision you make.
well, basically my mentality is that im the parent so i do not have to explain myself at all. at least to a certain age, like 14 or so. until then i feel its just what mommy says goes and you better not question it. now, my son is only 5 months but this is still my opinion. is this a bad opinion to have?
sorry i didnt have myself come across right. if the child is really curious as to why of course i would explain. im more meaning if its a whiny or smart alec thing or them just trying to get their way then i would just be like "mommy doesnt have to explain herself to you"
- nanaLv 41 decade agoBest answer
I think that if the child is genuinely curious and is asking "Why?" because they honestly do not understand . . . Then I think there is nothing wrong with explaining things--if the situation permits, being an appropriate time to stop and discuss.
But if the child is asking "Why?" to be whiny and show off attitude, or simply because they did not like what they were told to do, then no, don't give in to their rebellious word games.
But whether you tell them why or not, it doesn't matter. When it's all said and done, children should be taught to obey because it's the right thing to do.
I also believe that children should obey with the right attiude. In other words, they should show respect to their parents. That means (for example) that they should not throw a fit while taking out the trash. They should not cry and throw a tantrum when you tell them no candy. They should not pout when you tell them it's bedtime. They should not roll their eyes when you tell them not to sit so close to the tv, etc. . . . Even if they obey what you asked them to do (or not do) they are still wrong if it's done with a wrong and disrespectful attitude.
Ok, I'm done. :)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I think you should always explain to the child WHY you do what you do and WHY you are making the decision you are making.
If you only say, 'Because I said so' ..or 'Because I'm the Parent'.. whenever the child asks 'why' they can't do something or 'why' they can't have something, then the child will resent you and never understand why your opinion is what it is. The child will just think you're on some kind of power trip and will probably rebel ..
With my son I am going to explain 'why' certain rules apply and 'why' he cannot do something, can't have something, etc.
Of course this does NOT mean I will negotiate the matter, it just means that I am going to explain 'why' the rule is what it is. He can agree or not agree, that's his choice, but he'll always know the reasoning behind my decisions.
And by 'explaining' why something is the way it is, it will give the child a better understanding so they don't think that every decision you make for them is some kind of punishment or to make them unhappy. They will see that you have a good reason for what you do (whether it's for their safety, health, financial situation, etc.).
Also, by 'explaining' yourself you're teaching your child that their opinion matters and they're worthy of an explanation. I think it is good for their communication with others later in life .. it won't make them such a push over when they're older. They will grow up knowing that they have the right to ask questions instead of always going along with what others say.
Children are people too and they deserve to know 'why' a certain rule applies ..
- mondragonLv 43 years ago
This lady informed her daughters, 10 and 3 to take a seat at Chickfila. She ordered foodstuff. the ten 365 days previous lady replaced into sitting w/ her sister. Her sister, 3 365 days gets up and leaves. She runs around and is going in the adult men's room. I had greater ideal seen spot than the sister. The mom yelled and looked for the three 365 days previous. They finally sat down and ate. The mom criticized each little thing with regard to the ten 365 days previous. i could no longer stand it. the different mothers heard it too. I suggested why do you blame her? you are the mummy. She suggested her 10 365 days previous has been watching the sister for years. I suggested you could no longer blame your little ones on your shortcomings. She suggested the girl had the cellular telephone so she would be able to't pay interest. returned I suggested you are the discern. Very unhappy. The detrimental 10 365 days previous did no longer respond and ran out the door. She had chores to do whilst they have been given abode.
- 1 decade ago
My children are 11 (well, she will be in three weeks), 8 and 1 and I always explain why our rules are what they are. I do not explain it for them to argue about it, but so that they understand WHY the rules are such and that I am trying to protect them rather than just being a dictator. I personally find that they follow the rules better when they know why that rule is in place. It works for us.
While what I say goes, I can not stand the "Because I said so, that's why" motto.Source(s): Common sense and research Personal experience and opinion Mom of three!
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
You can stick with 'Because I said so' as much as your like, but your kids are gonna grow up thinking you're full of sh*t if you can't back up your decisions with anything more substantial.
Show some respect for your children as intelligent human beings and explain why you make the decisions you make (relative to their age/maturity level, of course), and they'll be more likely (not guaranteed, but more likely) to respect those decisions, even if only grudgingly.
Treat them like sheep who should obey mindlessly anything somebody bigger and stronger tells them to do, and don't be surprised if they end up going along with the crowd at school, mindlessly doing what everyone bigger and stronger tells them to do.
edit: I agree re: the whiny and smart-alec thing. That stuff's just annoying, and there's no need to indulge it.
- 1 decade ago
ive always respected my parents so much because they have always given me reason and logic. its even better when they tell me of their experiences regarding the matter because it makes me think about it more thoroughly. there have been cases when they have said "because im your parent and untill you can live on your own...", and i resented that, it just annoyed me and made me want to be all rebellious. its the same when you look at it from your perspective, if you want something and you are denied that "just because they said so" would you not be angry? your kids would be more willing to abide by your rules if you provide reason and make them think as you do. trust me, i have many siblings and they all respect my parents and their wishes, we didnt turn out to be bad people wither. just explain your self, even if he is young, your preparing him for the right kind of mentality so it wont be too bad when he grows up.
even though i accepted their reasons, if i truly felt strongly about something, me and my parents would always agree on a compromise or at least budge a bit so that its acceptable for the both of us, because i know their reasoning i wont demand much, and because they are parents they have to accept that i have to learn to make my own decisions. this doesnt mean that you have to give them absolute freedom, just a little bit, enough to offer them a choice and allow them the wisdom to choose correctly.
- BookwarmLv 61 decade ago
I persona;;y would rather my children learn to obey me because I have more experience then becuase I am bigger. I wouldn't want my child to obey every adult they come across unquestioningly because of the adult population does include molesters and child abducters. I also feel that explaining your reasoning helps a child devolp their own reasoning ability/
- 1 decade ago
I have 2 daughters, i was soft on my first child, didnt smack her and all that and now shes a brat, shes now 5 and im her own mother but im glad she lives with my mother, by the time she was 2 and a half she was out of control. I have a 15month old i am harder on her, and she knows the rules, i say kids thrive on dicapline and turn into little terrors with out it.
- sevenLv 61 decade ago
i actually thinks its MORE important to not explain yourself to a 14 year old. little kids are naturally curious - i answer all the questions and explain why i said or did what i said or did but make it clear me and my husband are the decision makers. as they get older, they don't become equals, they are still my children.
- TwistedxKissLv 61 decade ago
I think you should explain why so long as they aren't one of those kids asking why just to ignore you. Because as they grow older, being told "because I said so" becomes more and more difficult to accept, and MUCH, MUCH more difficult to respect. You don't have to explain yourself but if you want your child's respect, you should. You can demand they pretend to respect you and they will have to as long as they depend on you, but they don't have to mean it.