How to tell your parents REALLY bad news?!!?

So Im not sure where to begin, but basically I have to drop a lot of bad news on my parents at once: The first thing is that on halloween, (couple weeks ago) I got alcohol poisoning and I ended up spending the entire weekend in the hospital getting treated. I wasn't even planning on telling them about it....until I... show more So Im not sure where to begin, but basically I have to drop a lot of bad news on my parents at once: The first thing is that on halloween, (couple weeks ago) I got alcohol poisoning and I ended up spending the entire weekend in the hospital getting treated. I wasn't even planning on telling them about it....until I got my $1550.42 hospital bill in the mail. There's no way I can pay for it, because I just got fired from my job, which was just part time anyways. Oh but that's not all. When I said that I don't tell them much about whats going on in my life, I forgot to mention I often lie to them to keep them off my back as well. The other thing I have to tell them is that not only am I on probation from school this semester, but I might be suspended from next semester also, b/c Im not doing very well in my classes. They don't know that I'm on probation in the first place though...I told them I passed all my classes last semester. Im not particularly close to my parents and don't tell them much about whats going on in my life and my problems, which makes it so much harder to tell them bad news. Im sooo scared to tell them all this, and I have to either tell them over the phone or by e-mail because I'm away at college....should I phone or e-mail? and where do I even begin? Please help?!
Update: pshhh paragraphs are overrated....
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