why do guys wait so long to ask you to marry them ?

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and we want to get married he even got me a promise ring for my birthday but when i try to ask or talk about marriage he says he isn't ready yet. what does he mean not ready yet? I asked a friend and she said before her and her husband got married he waited a long time before he asked her.

i want to marry my boyfriend and he wants to marry me but i don't see what he is waiting for or what he isn't ready for?

Update:

forgot to mention we have been living together for a year as well. we r not a normal couple we knew each other for a week before we started dating and moved in with each other

Update 2:

ya i'm 25 and i think a promise ring is a cute idea.

15 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    we dont want to rush it and end up as another stat in the divorce stats

    plus 1 year is not long enough we need at least 2 to 4 years

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well i would just give him some time because marriage is a huge commitment and you don't want to rush into anything one of you isn't ready for. If you guys have only known each other for about a year then maybe at the most give it another year just to make sure its the right thing to do. Some couples wait even longer then that. If you guys are truly in love and 100% in love and want to start a life together then don't worry neither of you are going anywhere and its not like you to don't already live together. So im just saying wait a little longer until you both are ready.

    Good Luck

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You spend your entire live getting to know someone, who is to say that at a year there isn't more he wants to know about you before you get married. My fiance and I waited 3 1/2 years before we got engaged and our engagment will be another 1 1/2 years. We moved in together (like you) very shortly into our relationship (2 months) but neither of us was in a rush to tie the knot even though we had. People do change over time. I thought I was going to marry my ex but 2 years in and things still change. If he's not ready then it's something that he'll have to figure out on his own and you can wait for him or not.

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  • 1 decade ago

    you like to move fast. you knew each other for a week and started dating and moved in together and have only been together for a year. No wonder he's trying to slow you down.

    here's the thing: most couples know within 1 to 2 years of dating that they want to marry each other. Most of them will usually get married in another year or 2 after that.

    using that guideline: if you find yourself with him for about 5 years and you want to marry him and you're no closer to marriage then it's time to cut your losses and move on because no matter what he's told you, he's not marrying you.

    if however after that 5 years you find you're no closer to marriage but you want him more than marriage then you give up on marriage and stay with him. once you've let up on the marriage pressure, he might finally propose--but don't hold your breath.

    and BTW: WTF? a promise ring? how old are you? 16? 17? promise rings are cute when you're a child but they are a bit insulting as an adult. If it had been me, I would have thanked him but told him to save up for an engagement ring when he was ready to get married.

    promise rings when you are an adult are stalling tactics. it's his way of stringing you along and appeasing you so you won't hassle him about marriage.

    phase two of the stall is an open ended engagement. If he proposes but avoids setting a date then that's you're next clue you won't be getting married anytime soon. He's just stringing you along if/until his "something better" shows up.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I know it seems like a long time but my now husband and I were together for five years before he proposed and even then he had my engagement ring in his bedroom for six months before he asked me.

    Afterwards he told me that it is a really scary, daunting and exciting time but the time has to be right, he wanted to put a lot of thought into it and make it special and he wanted to make sure that I was the right person for him.

    Just let it be, if you put too much pressure on your relationship it might not end in marriage, be content with what you have and enjoy the journey.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    A year of dating is not that long. If he gave you a promise ring already, I'd say it's a good sign. If he says he's not ready, then he's not ready for marriage yet. Be happy with the promise ring for now.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Read Invisigoth's comment and absorb them: she speaks the truth.

    Promise rings are for nine-year-olds and for slackers who want to string you along, keeping you committed without actually committing themselves in return. But one year is an outlandishly short period of time. It's a very bad idea to get married while the butterflies of infatuation are still flapping around, and it takes at least two years for that to happen. Wait and see what is there after infatuation goes away: if love and friendship are still there, then you marry. Otherwise, no.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well, I don't see what the rush is. So many people rush to get married only to find out that they can't stand each other (the euphemism for this is "grown apart"). I don't think you should pressure him.

    I think a lot of women tie marriage to their self-image and self-esteem and think that if they can't "snag a man" then somehow they're unwomanly. This is of course silly.

    And what are you hoping for marriage to change? How do you think it will make your relationship different? These are questions that you might want to discuss with your boyfriend before you all decide to do it. Before jumping into marriage, you two should both sit down and have a long, long conversation (and maybe several of them) and nail down precisely what you each expect out of marriage.

    So to re-iterate: talking about it with him is very, very good, nagging and pressuring him is bad and may have the opposite effect.

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  • 1 decade ago

    A year is not a long time hunny. lol I know people who have waited 7 years for a ring. You sound crazy, not to be mean. But really? A year? Give him time. He obviously isn't ready for a reason. Don't push him into it unless you want a divorce.

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  • Jess
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I think the majority of people wouldn't be ready for marriage after only being together a year. Why the big rush? Just enjoy being together.

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