Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

(GOT JOKES?) do you know funny jokes?

the funniest jokes to me win because I want to laugh.

9 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming...

    Damn, What a ride!!

    Bar Joke

    A Really Bad Day

    There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

    Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

    "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

    "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

  • 1 decade ago

    4 Men sit at a bar and talk, 1 gets up, and goes 2 tha restroom. Another begins a convo:

    1st: I'm so proud of my son, he's a successful car salesman, and can get any car he wants whenever.

    2nd: I'm proud of my son 2, he is a successful computer manufacturer, and can get whatever computer he wants, whenever.

    3rd: Yea, well, i'm very proud of my son, he builds houses, and can build one whenever, and wherever he has land!

    Tha 4th man walks out from tha bathroom

    1st: What about you? does your son make you proud?

    4th: Not so much, my son went against my wishes, and decided 2 be gay... but i will say he's got something going 4 him cus he just got a brand new mercedes benz, Dell computer, with all tha works, and a newly built home from his 3 boyfriends...

    Lol. I'm not against gay ppl by tha way, i know, and love quite a few, i just heard this, n thought it was clever, so please don't be sensitive!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    A boy who lives on a farm, walks into the kitchen, waiting for breakfast, but his mother says "You can't have breakfast until you do your chores". So he goes and milks the cow, then after he kicks her. Next, he gathers eggs from the hen house, then kicks one of the chickens. Last, he goes and feeds the pigs their slop, and then kicks one. He goes back into the kitchen to find a bowl of dry cereal. He asks "Where's the milk, bacon, and eggs?" to which his mother replies "I saw you kick that cow, chicken, and pig." As he eats his cereal, his father comes downstairs, and on the way down he kicks the cat. The boy then says "Do you want to tell him or should I?"

    Source(s): Get it?
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    there is an american, a Chinese and a mexican on a plane. the pilot sais we have to much weight were gonna have to drop something. the Chinese guy said i will throw rice there is a lot in my country. the american gets the mexican and throws him off the plane, the pilot said why did u throw him?! the american said there is a lot in my country

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ill tell u a story

    one time taco man was in war with best friend tortilla chip,

    we were best friends until one day i see somebody take a bite out of him

    and little did i know it was chuck norris, and i squirted my "sour cream" at his eyes, he was blinded for a sec, as i was dragging tortilla chip across the battle field i saw many dead quesadillas, and enchiladas, yuk!

    finally we got to a place where there was nothing going on, and he was dying, whether i liked it or not he was dying, his last words were: be good taco man, give tacos to everybody, and get that bastard that has a fist behind his beard......ugh.............................. *dies*

    and so *dramatic music plays* i screamed to the heavens noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and ever since then taco man has been giving tacos

    Source(s): would u like a taco!
  • 1 decade ago

    they'lll be more jokes tomorrow because right now your contacts are sleeping. Have you seen some black,Caucasian and Hispanic Siamese twins?

  • 1 decade ago

    it's not really a joke but something funny this guy said.

    we were talking about this fat teacher that was on a diet and he said,

    'She ain't on al diet, she's on a try it' I thought it was pretty hilarious. I guess you had to be there

  • 1 decade ago

    Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But Doctor... I am Pagliacci."

  • 1 decade ago

    There was an old woman who lived in a shoe;She had so many children her uterus fell out.

    Source(s): Andrew Dice Clay
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