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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

GIRLFRIEND PROBLEM please help its long but 10 points for detailed opinion/answer/advice im desperate.?

ok had a girlfriend for 7 weeks, we've liked each other for ages she is 17 and im 18, shes very closed about her feelings, she admits it, shes not had many relationships and has never had anything serious or done anything intamite. she has made out with me once.. that was a week before we got together, she doesn't put kissess on texts and all the little things you'd expect once in a while .. i think she gets jelous easy, but i want her to feel for me as i do her, i mean i want to keep her guessing so she stays interested, i only see her once a week and stuff i want to see her more.. and maybe buld something up thats serious but i dont know what to do people say be mysterious .. dont be sensitive, be this be that do this do that, but i be myself.. i just wanna make it 50/50 she is interested i just want it to go up a level and it be a bit mre affectionate, ive only kissed her 'properly' once and she made sure all the lights were out and everyone was asleep i duno if she's self concious or what i asked her what she liked about a relationship she seems to not like much of it i said why be with me? and she goes 'its not that bad' she seems really shy and uncomfrotable when we go out her friends are always there. and its a bit like .. i dunno she hates PDA so i dont kiss her incase it makes her uncomfortable i dont know what to do .. yuou all say communication is the key well what do i say ? how do i say it ? and what if she finishes it ..

27 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

24 minutes ago

no sorry i am 17 she is 18 shes older. not that it matters much

24 minutes ago

she says she hides her feelings because her parents never did and they split up i dont know what that means i mean i am not gonig to hurt her .. if anything im the one usually getting hurt.. and shes very independant

31 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    personally i have the same problem with the whole showing affection thing... some people show it differently. I'm with a guy currently who likes to be all over me and i have asked him to slow it down a bit... mind you we have been together about 2 and a half years now and have a baby. she could be hurt. with my parents divorced i feel scared to love again because your just going to lose it all over again.... its hard when your parents are supposed to be your biggest role model and it that breaks down in flames you feel more self conscious about who you let in even if you have known that person since you were born. i feel that you should maybe let her know that you are there and when she is ready to talk your not going to get mad or leave. sometimes girls get a little scared that guys will leave right when they feel safe, just be sure you show your feelings and hopefully soon she will return the favor. if she does decide to break it off then stay a close friend you never know she could come back and notice her mistake... this all takes some time.

    Source(s): life experience, parents divorced, emotional problems
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  • 1 decade ago

    Well i think she is afraid she would lose you. because she as the superstition that if you guys don't hide your feelings, the same thing that happened to her parents will happen to you two. You gotta talk to her and say that you would be there for her when things are rough and that it is ok if she feels that way. relationships can be scary b/c things get confusing. You just got to let her know that you love her in a calm loving manner. Do some romantic things like watch a movie (even if it has to be a teary eyed "chick flick" b/c that means you'll be there for the tears and help her wipe them up) and take her to a fancy restaurant like red lobster or olive garden. If you kiss her, just do it slowly and not too much public. reason why is that PDA may not be what everyone wants to see. She prob doesnt want to have people look and stare at you guys and feel disgusted. I mean an occasional peck on the cheek and holding hand may be fine publicly, but no frenching and groping. So just talk to her and keep the PDA mild. Plus, just hang out and watch a movie like i said either a chick flick or you can also watch a horror flick, so if she gets frightened she can be safe in your arms.

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  • 1 decade ago

    ok 1.theres nothing wrong with closing your feelings up at first but if it stays that way for to long something is wrong.she keeps her feelings close because maybe she was hurt before you what im saying? she doesnt wanna feel that pain again so keep proving and showing to her that you will never hurt her

    2.everyone is jealous at times so just let her know that your a tease your all hers that will make her happy for sure trust me!!

    3.being that shes only been in a few relationships she may not be too into kissing or too much effection let her know that you are there for her whenever she is ready for that.make her feel comforterable cuz theres nothing worst being self concious about something

    4and in the end it should all turn out right ask her questions like what she likes to do.before you get deep in a relationship you start as friend than lovers and when you can have both a lover and a friend than that completes it.

    Source(s): hope i helped :)
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  • 1 decade ago

    You know that quote "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. " I think that's what may be happening here. It's possible that she cares for you, but her parents' separation may have inflicted a lot of hurting for her and she's afraid to open up to someone at the fear of being hurt by them. If that's the case then a lot of patience is the only thing that is going to help here. On the other hand, if she's only going out with you because "it's not that bad" then you could find someone that appreciates what you do for them and cherishes you. Also, just saying that some girls don't like PDA or a lot of closeness and it may take her some time to get used to it- especially if you're her first real relationship. Either way you look at it, you can either decide she doesn't care for you as much as you care for her and decide to finish the realtionship while both of you guys are on good terms, or if you truly love this girl that you talk aobut and see a future with her that may not include a lot of touchy-feely, intense kisees and YOU are fine with that, then prepare for a slow journey. If this is something jsut casual, then you can find someone that meets your needs. Besides those suggestions, the rest is up to you to decide. Good luck and I hope that things work out for you :)

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  • 1 decade ago

    Hey There,

    It somewhat sounds like your girlfriend has some problems mentally. Maybe something that you both can get past but something that is really affecting her. If she says she does not like PDA and she feels that her parents split because of it then she sounds very young. You say she is 17 and no worries I believe you it just seems like she has no experience with relationships whatsoever.

    It sounds like she is not used to having a boyfriend and it sounds like she is extremely shy. Maybe she feels like she cannot come out and point blank tell you that she is a virgin and has really no clue what she is doing. Perhaps she feels like she will get picked on if she shows PDA around her buddies.

    The worst thing for you is if she has you as a boyfriend just so she can tell her friends she has a boyfriend but she never really wants anything serious with you.

    What you need to do is give her time. If she is that insecure with her feelings then she needs time to find herself before she can find true balance in any relationship.

    If you really want this to work out with her then I would say be there for her, talk to her, console her, and don't press your luck with sex and all of that. One day if she is really "the one" for you then you will be really lucky because chances are you won't have to worry about SDTS and all that other stuff that comes with a girl (sometimes) who has slept around a lot.

    She could be one of those girls who is saving herself for marriage and maybe that is something you are not interested in. If it is then you need to let her go. There is no point in trying to force someone into a relationship.

    Just take it one step at a time, talk to her, get her to open up even more to you. Sometimes all it takes is a little more trust to go a long way.

    Best of luck.

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  • Krista
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Tell her it would help if she would trust you a bit. She doesn't have to show her feelings all the time but once in a while letting you in is a good thing and helps both of you know where your at. As for intimate situations, try little touches that let her know your thinking of her. Ask her to take a moment with you to let you explain that not being overly emotional is fine but you can only go so far without wondering whats going on. She does owe you an explanation. If she's shy about it, see if you can work out a little signal between the two of you that lets you know your thinking about the other one, something that no one else knows about.

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  • 1 decade ago

    there maybe several things going on. she may have a trauma like she said. in that case, keep talking to her and reassure her that she's not her mom and dad and keeping her feelings to herself is not good for her. be patient with her and try to make the relationship work. Find out if she really loves you or if that's just an excuse. When i went out w my husband i didn't like PDA but that was because i was too conservative. I got over it later thought cuz when u love someone u just cant hide it and u don't care who knows it. you can also suggest some time off and judging by her answer make a decision. hope this helps.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Oh she sounds like a complete waste and i hate it how people say 'bla **** crap... my parents got a divorce' So did bloody mine and yunno what im still alive. Ok... her parents wouldnt have split up for bieng loving... it would have been for bieng angry inside and NOT talking (like my parents) They stopped caring about each other and what each other did.

    Yeh im sorry im such a slow typer so this is gunna take me foever and i want bloody 10 points man!

    Yeh anyways... I realy think you need to see her more! I mean its a bit queer you two having a relationship when you dont know each other. You should be soo comfortable and go to each others houses all the time... sleep over and watch movies eat food together and MAKE OUT.

    But if shes not comfortable with it... you need to take it step by step (Paso a paso) WHEN you start going out more COZ YOU WILL. why?coz i bloody well say so! - You should start making more contact, cup the back of ur hand on her neck and comment on her soft skin... then move ur hand lower to her back and let it linger there...

    Later... make more intimate contact like her leg and even hold her hand. Then hold her hand for a bit whenever your out.

    Yeh then blah oiesghgjkd ... go in for the kill one night when ur both comfortable and alone and in a nice enviorment.

    I THINK YOU SHOULD CALL HER NOW AND INVITE HER OVER FOR A NICE COZY MOVIE IN YOUR ROOM.

    Make some popcorn and get under the covers. wear boxers and a tight top... =] mmm

    TEN points is mine yeh?

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think you should honestly just talk to her about it, you know like this whole long paragraph you wrote, say something like that you said to her. Like you said if her parents split up, subconsciously she might be pushing you not to get to close because she's afraid the same thing might happen to you guys. She might not even know it either. Just talk to her about it, what have you really got to loose? If your afraid of loosing her by telling her, well you don't seem to be perfectly happy with how you guys are now and if your not happy with the "relationship" well then something is wrong and you guys need to work that all. Seriously dude just tell her how you feel, if you like her that much than you are kind of obligated to do so.

    A lot of girls don't like PDA and that's understandable to some extent you know like making out in public, but you should be able to at least hold hands in public. Just tell her how much you really like it and that you would like a seriously relationship. If she doesn't think the same well then your not meant to be, at least right then. Good luck dude!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Honesty is your best bet. Tell her what you are thinking. If she is the caring and intelligent person you think she is, then she will more than likely talk to you straight about what she thinks. It is best to find out now if you have any kind of a chance before you get into it so deep that your heart is going to be broken, if a year down the road she tells you to take a hike. You will really feel better once you know one way or the other. Good luck!

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