men in long term relationships (married) & sex?

i have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. we got married a few months ago, but ever since ive known my husband he will go into periods where he does not care to have sex. we have lived together for 4 of the 5 years and when we got married it was no big deal, just went to the courthouse so no changes from that really. by periods of not wanting sex, i mean like the first year, he was great wanting sex all the time, then he went for about a year not wanting any, then about 1 and 1/2 years he was fine again, and now its been like over a year and he hasnt wanted any. i know he isnt cheating or whatever we are almost ALWAYS together. this does not seem to bother him though. he just seems content watching tivo and playing video games (he always makes sure he gets the lastest systems and games) and hanging out with me or a few close friends. do some of you guys who are in LONG TERM relationships or married just get to the point where sex isnt important? ive tried to ask him about it ..


and hes like i get tired a lot after work (he has always done manual labor type work) and he just doesnt feel like it. he still says a lot of that girls hot when hes watching tv or something, so i know hes not turned off to women altogether, but i havent changed at all since we met, im still skinny, havent gained any weight. im actually a model, guys always stare at me when we go out and hes told me before he likes that.

Update 2:

i have tried the whole seducing him thing. if he doesnt want to have sex ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. he just gets mad and says stuff like, youre going to make me want to have sex and i dont feel like it tonight!

Update 3:

im so sorry when i said he goes for a year without wanting it, i mean i will intiate and we will have sex maybe twice a month but hes not ASKING for it, he just goes a long. if i didnt instigate we would not have sex during that year.

9 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best answer

    Well, I think what you are going through is typical for many women and men actually. I think what happens is a mental state of complacentcy. He knows that for you to leave, even if it is in the very back of his mind, that it is much harder for you to do so when you are married, when you are just living with someone, even if it has been for 5-8 years there is still that little ingling that "maybe" they won't stick around. Your man knows you are there, and he is content with that, but his contentment has been turned up to complacentcy and that is an awful place to be. Tell him, you need more sex, more time on an intimate level. Spend time together each week just one on one, it doesn't have to cost money just time. Make sure it is not a movie but maybe a walk somewhere or dinner. Time alone is what ignites the sparks, believe me when I tell you. We have 6 kids and 3 at home. If we dont take the time for each other we can go weeks with no sex and you know it causes tension and that ....ugh, you are so annoying attitude. Go make a date with your man....surprise him with a little something sensual....who knows it could make something happen like SEX. Good luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hey babe... five years is not a long time (I've been married 22 years ~ answer my question please) but you know... I don't think sex in a relationship is as important as his libido. Your man's libido is not well. His testosterone levels may be low and he may be unhealthy because of it. (Stress can cause this).

    Even dog tired, I still want to bury the bone and I'm probably an old man compared to him. Not everyone has a high libido.. but to go for a year without sex in a marriage... that's extraordinary... 6 weeks maybe... a year?? No. He isn't well.

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like one of the signs of depression. If he is normal in every other aspect of his daily routine, doesn't drink, smoke weed, is a good husband and provider maybe he has a low testosterone count. Talk it over with him, if you haven't already. Maybe his is due for a check-up. Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    Not very common in men. Honey you may have to invest in some "TOYS" if you haven't already (to use on yourself when he's not interested). Is he under a lot of stress? Slip him some Viagra (just kidding).

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    There may be a medical reason and he is too embarrassed to discuss it with you. You both may need marriage counseling or sex therapy. There may be another reason for his problem that he is not sharing.

  • 1 decade ago

    maybe your husband has a low testosterone level, or even erectile dysfunction and is embarrassed to let you know? if so, as you know, there are medical treatments to help this issue.

    i suppose your best bet is to talk with him about this... or else suffer?

  • james
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago funny.

    All men need to have sex! If they are not having sex at home, they are getting it elsewhere, or the master is Bate-ing himself.

    Married or not, we have to have it. And if we have had sex, we are sattisfied. And look no further, until the next day. Day after day, thats all we think about, plus food.

    Source(s): Married 20 years and still want it.
  • 1 decade ago

    He needs mental help.

  • katie
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    all men are like that, go get some lingerie and parade in front of him

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