Does anyone know a good joke?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    man goes into a fish and chip shop with a fish over his shoulder.

    server says: "what can i get you?"

    Man says: "emm, fish cake please" (whilst patting the fish on his shoulder) "its the wee mans birthday!"

    ahahahahahahaha

  • 1 decade ago

    A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

    Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

    Man: So what happened that is so horrible?

    Farmer: Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I go the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.

    Man: That's not so bad, what's the big deal?

    Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

    Man: So then what happened.

    Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.

    Man: Again?

    Farmer: Some things ya just can't explain.

    Man: So, what did you do then?

    Farmer: I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right.

    Man: So then what did you do?

    Farmer: I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocks over the bucket with her tail.

    Man: Wow you must have been pretty upset!

    Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

    Man: So then what did you do.

    Farmer: Well I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in!

  • 1 decade ago

    One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage.

    She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny ?"

    "Milk!" answered Little Johnny.

    "No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained

    the teacher.

    "Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!!"

    Vote for best ans if you like!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Two friends were just about to tee off on the first hole at their local golf

    course when another man, carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you

    mind if I join you? My partner didn't show up."

    "Sure," they said, "You're more than welcome."

    So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the

    newcomer. Part way through the course, one of the friends turned to the

    newcomer and said, "What do you do for a living?"

    "I'm a hit man," was his reply.

    "You're joking!" was their response.

    "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, he pulled out a

    beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my

    tools."

    "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a

    look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

    So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of

    his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I

    can see right in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha,

    I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her

    ...... He's naked, too!!! The b**ch!"

    He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

    "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the

    trigger."

    "Can you do two for me now?"

    "Sure, what do you want?"

    "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.

    Then my neighbor, he's still a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to

    teach him a lesson."

    The hit man grabbed the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a

    few minutes.

    "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

    "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The 7 Dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy

    Then Happy got out so they felt grumpy

  • 1 decade ago

    everyday when i went to this bar i order 3 shots at once and drank the all alone~~!!the bartender got curious and once he asked me why i do like that ~~!!

    i said

    we are all 3 friend when ever we drink, we drink together we continued until we finish our college~~!!!

    we were so proud of our unity so on our last do we were drinking together we have decided that whenever we drink alone or with others we take 3 glasses and take 3 shots one in my name and the other 2 in my friend~~!!

    i follow this always and one day i want to bar as usual and the bartender know my habit so he gave me 3 shots i said seriously not 3 only 2 shot~~~!!

    bartender said he felt sorry for my friend ~~!!!! i asked why

    he said i could understand that i have ordered 2 instead of 3

    shot~~!!!!

    i couldn't stop my self from laughing, then i said i just quite drinking ~~!!!!!

    Source(s): i saw it in a stand up comedy show ~~~!!! made some changes ~~!!! hope u like it~~!!!!!
  • 1 decade ago

    why did the man cross the road?

    cuz the chicken was a sl*t

    george washington, george bush and bill clinton are on the titanic and its sinking. washington says "save th women" , bush screams "screw the women" and clinton says excitedly "is there time?"

  • Yeah I know lots!

    Thanks for asking =D

  • 1 decade ago

    ::there was a 3 siblings named somebody, nobody, and crazy. One day crazy saw somebody kill nobody so crazy call to the police and report it. On investigation the police interview crazy..crazy said "somebody killed nobody..somebody killed nobody". The police get confused and said "are you crazy?" and crazy said "yes im crazy"..(gets??)

    ::Poor guy

    A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

    "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"::

    ::The Tiger

    A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

    The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

    The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

    "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

    "Tiger Woods."

    "Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

    "Yeah."

    "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

    The husband and wife then make passionate love.

    When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

    "What are you doing?" asks the wife.

    The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

    "Tiger wouldn't do that."

    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

    "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

    The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

    When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

    The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

    "Tiger wouldn't do that."

    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

    "He'd come back to bed and do it again."

    The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

    When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

    The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

    "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."::

  • 1 decade ago

    What did the daddy buffalo say to his child?

    BISON!!!!!

    What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

    DAM!!

    Whats black and white and swings through the jungle?

    TARZANS COALMAN!!

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