Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles Β· 1 decade ago

THlS WILL INTEREST YOU I PROMISE?

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

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10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

*Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why aren't the letters on a keyboard in order?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( I have no other time to dry my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." ( But, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well.... a bit late huh?)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...nahhh... Really??...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Update:

Its all explainable.

The hot dog one, is just away to get you to buy another package. (they want you to spend more)

38 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    LMFAO.......LMFAO.........LOL those were so funny and sooo TRUE!!!!!!! i always wonder about some of those things.......thx for the laugh.....had a great time reading these!!!!!!!!!!

  • Laura
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    In My Life- The Beatles First line: There are places i remember Weirdest word: ummm... "recall"? Favorite word: Life Favorite lyric: Some forever not for better Least favorite lyric: i don't know... Number of times you've played it: more than 100... Last line: In my life, i love you more Anything else you want to add?: It's my favorite song... ever. The reason i don't know exactly how many times i've played it is because this just my laptop, i have a lot more on my home computer which is not with me at the moment...

  • 1 decade ago

    this was really good i liked it and my dad like praises u cuz u feel the same as he does Americans act really dumb but ya gotta love the good USA and i dont open my mouth when i put on mascara i just blink really fast. I really liked the Swedish chainsaw that was a new one never heard of that lol awesome job on and Ivy n its september 11 (9/11) not september 9th nice job on trying to be smart and making Americans look better

  • 1 decade ago

    Thats funny!!! All the stupid warnings on things are because Amercia is sue happy, I mean since when can you sue Nike for tripping on shoe laces!?? Actually happened

    Thanks for the chuckle

    It was Sept. 11 Ivy N Not so smart now are ya!?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    the letters on a keyboard arent in order cause when they first had the tape...if you type too fast the tape like gets caught up and you have to fix it...so they just put the keys in random places .........and the sterilize the needle cause once in a while they have to stop the injection

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what?)

    Haha! Hilarious! Can't stop laughing!

  • 1 decade ago

    Touche.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Haha, I love the Boot's Children Cough Medicine. xD

    I wonder where this world will end up....

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    that's neat. But they don't make the whole plane out of the black box because it would weigh to much.

  • 1 decade ago

    HAHAH that was hilarious!! Kudos to you! I especially like the chainsaw one, that was hilarious!!! You get a star for this one!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    vERY funny =] Also on the american military rocket launcher it has a label: 'point towards enemy' Its iike. Realy? I was planning on shooting myself

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