Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

is this true (sorry its a long joke ) Because I'm a Man?

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger -- I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or baseball, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a man, I am capable of announcing, "One more beer and I really have to go", and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. Like, what's the connection?

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE FOR WOMEN, TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THE MALE ANIMAL.

15 Answers

Relevance
  • poppy1
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    Hehehehehehe....So True Ducky,

    For a Man you are in-tune with your self and know all what to say. This is great Me Friend and if I could give you 50 Stars I would. Here is one, But Great for you.

    Your Friend,

    poppy1

  • 1 decade ago

    That was awesome. It was a biography of my life up to now. Sorry girls I have no intention of changing.....would you?

    Because I'm a man, I´m very generous so I´ll lend you a star for a month.....free of charge!!!

  • Because I am a woman, everything will be your fault and it will seem like I am suffering PMT even when I am not 'on'

  • 1 decade ago

    Yeah, true, I guess it's really true...

    We can never really guess what's both the man and woman is thinking in their hearts.

    LOL.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Mark K
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Because I am a man, I read your joke.

  • JAM123
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Ha ha ha.!!!

    Excellent again Chris.!!!

    10/10.!!!

    Still smiling, cheer.!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like the typical male. :PPP

  • 1 decade ago

    good one.....excellent

    very long but very awesome and funny lol

    .....good job.....keep up the good ones

  • 1 decade ago

    Oh how very true this all is

  • 1 decade ago

    oh gosh..that IS long..but a good joke!

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.