Women: would you feel upset if your husband unexpectedly requested a paternity test for your child?

Unlike women, men face paternal uncertainty when a woman they've inseminated gives birth. We live in a world where approximately 1 of 10 newborns are not raised by their blood father (cuckoldry), and, thanks to modern technology, it's also a world where technology has produced reliable, cheap (~$99) DNA tests. Paternal uncertainty is a significant risk factor for infanticide, child abuse, and homicide (see Daly & Wilson's 'Homicide' for more details), so it is perhaps in the best interest of the parents and the child to seek out a DNA test that confirms or denies paternity in order to appease the father.

Would that request, whether or not he is certain you have not been promiscuous, upset you or cause you to lose trust in him? Would you find this to be potentially harmful to your relationship? If this is the case, please list your reasons for feeling so.

21 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    Considering your stats say that 10% of children were fathered by someone else, I think it should be mandatory for DNA testing for unmarried couples. Some states already require blood testing before a couple gets married for disease, so why not for something even more important like a child's life?

    Think how much worry would be eliminated when a child has no doubt who it's parents are. Think about how much money would be saved by taxpayers when mothers no longer need to ask the courts for DNA tests to find their real baby daddy later on.

    Most people here won't like this comment, but remember...it's the children we're worried about here, not the personal feelings of the parents.

  • K.C.
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I think I would be in the middle....meaning that because of so many women "claim" they know who there child father is but find out later that it's not..I could understand why men would want a paternity test...on the other hand if I have been in a relationship and he has no reason to suspect infidelity then yes I would be hurt..this is a very tough situation..

    I have a 5 month old daughter and I ever wondered if my significant other thinks about this very question because my daughter primarily favors me in appearance..yeah she's still young so I can't really see him in her...but I still wonder if he thinks he's not the father..so in answering your question I thought about my own situation and I would be hurt because a paternity test kinda "assumes" you don't trust that I've been faithful but at the same time I could understand because of the statistics.

    As far as it being harmful...I'd have to say yes...because it'll bring up other trust issues..but at the same time some people need to see things in writing...

  • 4 years ago

    Paternity should be stipulated at birth with DNA. What the hell use is a birth certificate that gives out wrong information to the owner of same. And now that marriage is on the decrease, DNA testing is more than ever a must for the future.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i would probably be a lil upset but i can understand if i wasnt married. if a couple has been married for a few years i would be more upset. when i got pregnant my bf wanted to get a dna test because hes been accused of being a baby daddy before. it turned out that the women was lying and the baby wasnt his but he still had to pay child support while she was pregnant and he can never get that money back. now that our baby is here though he doesnt have any doubts that shes his!

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  • justme
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I'd see it as harmful for lack of trust in me! But I can't see where it would put my trust in his actions in jeporady - there than I'd no longer trust him to be the man to stand beside me and with me, because obviously he doesn't.

    I can see situations where it would be wise for the guy to have a paternity test done. Personally, I don't feel I am in that situation, but I can imagine the women that are wouldn't see it that way, either.

  • Velken
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I'd ask him if he'd been talking to his mother lately (she hates me). That is the only reason he'd think up something that stupid. Our kids look just like us both, have a rarer blood and hair type, so cheating would be VERY obvious. I'd give it to him and get pissed at whoever (him or another person) that dared to suggest I've slept with anyone besides him much less tricked him into raising a child that wasn't his.

  • 1 decade ago

    Strange question, but I'll give it a whirl....HELL YEAH I'D BE PISSED! Your question clearly states HUSBAND and unexpectantly, which means, no prior relationships uncertainties to the wife's knowledge, and she is married to this man...any woman would be hurt and feel betrayed that her husband doesn't trust her.

    BTW- In common law states, rather or not it is your child, it is the husbands financial responsibility to care for a child born, while he is married to the woman...look it up, my brother in PA had to pay support for a maybe baby.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm 17 weeks pregnant and my fiance was like "we're getting a paternity test" i got offended! I was like yeah right both of us know this baby is yours... it just hurts you to think that someone doesnt trust you like that with such a personal and precious thing.. i think it was wrong of him to ask that and he got even more persistant after that when i got offended... he asked if i had nothing to worry about why would you mind... i just think pregnant women have enough to go through without their boyfriend/ husbands asking them for paternity test

    i understand you!

    good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    as a mom to be, I would be absolutely LIVID if my HUSBAND requested a paternity test! I have about 200x the hormones flowing right now, and I can honestly say, I wouldn't be able to react rationally if that question arised.

    Are you planning on a divorce? do you think she cheated on you? If so, I totally understand your motive,... but prepare for war if it's your baby!! good luck :)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    No, I wouldn't be offended. I would be pissed that he wants to spend $100 on such a stupid thing, but I have nothing to hide.

    I can respect their unknown fear of the paternity of a child... I know where my son came from... me. But for a guy I guess that isn't such a secure thought.

    It wouldn't be harmful in our relationship because we're married and we waited until we were married to conceive.

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