Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

how long is too long to wait to ask to marry someone?

we have been dating for about 5 years, living together for about 3 1/2. i am starting to feel like i am wasting my time.

he is 46 and i am 42. he was married and deviorced and his ex took him to the cleaners but i feel that he still has feelings for her, he jumps at everything she asks for even though he calls her b* t* h face. she is engaged to be married soon and i know she is totally over him. i ran into an old friend and he was really impressed on how i look, he made that very clear and it really made me feel like i need more in a relationship that i am not getting.i do love my boyfriend but there is something missing and i think it is making me eager to move on. has anyone else been in this situation before and what did you do???

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    What is your hurry? 40 is the new 30. Wasting your time? You must want that ring real bad eh.... Stop being jealous and when you are in the car please sit underneath the steering wheel. Just pretend you are hungry and its corn on the cob.

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like your on the right track if he is on everything his ex wife ask him then you know that he is not over her and how can you start something new when your not finish with the old. If you guys are living together and he still hasn't asked you to marry him then sorry to say but 5 yrs is a long time and i dought that it's going to happen plus you should be great full. If your not happy with him then why are you still waiting for him to get over his ex. If it is in your mind then you know the answer but i can totally understand that it is easier to ignore it then to admit it because its painful. Don't lose your opportunity to feel alive again because someone has notice you. Don't let time pass you by because that's something that we don't get back. Talk to your boyfriend if you love him let him know how you feel and try to work it out look for the signs listen to what he says and especially observe what he does sometimes body language is easier to understand them words. If he can't get over her then you need to move on remember where not getting any younger.

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes, I have been in this situation, but I did not live with him. I broke it off and he is really hurting, but until he is ready to bend over backward for me and only me, we will remain apart. Iwould say at 42 & 46, 2 years tops.

    If he jumps at the ex's every whim, but then calls her a *****, that is a sure sign he still has deep emotions. I would proceed with caution, ideally on your own. He'll only see the light if he can get to feeling he misses you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Usually, more than 5 years is going a little overboard and tells her that you are too scared or don't want to get too serious. But should also wait about 2 and 1/2 years at the laest so that it doesn't seem like you are trying to rush it and get it over with. But take as much time as you think is nessesary or when you feel that it is time. Enjoy your relationship.

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  • 1 decade ago

    My husband and I dated 5 years before getting married. But this was our 1st marriage for both us, and we are 20 years younger than you which makes a difference too. If he jumps at everything she asks it sounds as if he still has feelings for her. I see this alot these days...where both people look like l\they've moved on...but one of them is still hoping that someday the two of them will get back together. I would have a real heart to heart with your man, lay it out on the line. 5 years is 5 years and you can't get that back.

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes I have and I think he is scared to get married again because he got took to the cleaners the first time. It doesn't make any difference if your not anything like her, he is still afraid. Unless his EX has something on him I don't know why he would do things for her. Just explain to him how your feeling and if he doesn't comply, say goodbye!

  • 1 decade ago

    no i havent been in this before any way mabey he hasnt gotten over her completely yet ps........ask if he still have feelings for her . also he may not want to get hurt a gain so he dosnt want to settle down completely. so dont move on yet u dont kno whatsn store just talk to him see if he is onthe path u would like for him to be on also make sure u dont ask him went u guys gonna get married cause next u kno u guys do and then he still have feelings for the girl

  • 1 decade ago

    Damn the bastard! I waited one year before I asked my wife. From the sounds of it, he still has feelings for his and he just tries to mask it by calling her names. Plus, not to sound like an asshole he could be thinking why buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free, does that make sense?

  • ITGuy
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    If he really jumps at everything she asks for, then he cares too much about her, especially since she's engaged. I think yo want to marry him for the wrong reasons; more so to get him legally committed rather than feeling he's your true love. Plus it sounds like you dont fully trust him.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You really just need to talk to him + ask him about how he feels in this situation.. that is the only way to know for sure... Good luck :)

    Help w/ mine People please:

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArpKi...

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