Hi I'm really scared I gave a report to the police of 5 years of domestic violence?
Now what im scared what will happen to him he`s been told keep away for a week. I want him back home they say its allso out off myhzands and a domestic violence police officer will be calling and a social worker.I cant sleep at night will they take my little boy off me also will they put my partner in jail.I want him back I Love him load Please give me some advice.The police have made things so much worse.
- Anonymous1 decade agoBest answer
You should seek a support group. It's normal to be having these feelings of withdrawal even if it generally doesn't make sense to want someone who's abused you for many years.
No one will take your son, a social worker is probably going to come to make sure that your partner didn't also abuse the child.
Even if you eventually decide to get back together with your partner, you should at least take a few months off to repair your self-esteem and figure out if you want your baby to grow up seeing his mother getting beaten up and possibly even beaten to death (because domestic violence always gets worse); and how can you protect yourself and your child if your partner tries to abuse you again.
But taking time off is really just a nice idea to trick your heart and mind into staying away from him long enough to break that addiction.
If you are able to break free and decide to get the law on your side and protect yourself and your baby, ANY court will give full custody to you and *at best* give supervised visitation rights to him.
Leaving this man is the best example you can show your son - not only because how he will potentially treat women, but mainly how he will treat himself. A child will feel much much much more safe and secure and happy with a mother that has enough courage to not put up with abuse.
- rogerglynLv 61 decade ago
You have bravely taken a first step into what appears to be a lonely abyss.
You need to look at your love for this man seriously.
Love is a two way street, love is one of the most wonder-full things in life.
Love is dependence on another too.
Love is not being beaten up, or verbally abused.
Love is not to be taken so lightly by the abuser that violence occurs.
You must step back and allow things to take their course, the Police are involved..leave it so.
Social Services will be concerned more for your Child's welfare if you take this what amounts to a Thug back into your life. They will rightly ask ''Will this domestic abuser move to abuse on the Child?''.
Take plenty of advice first, there are Domestic Violence Groups that are excellent; this will also give you a chance to talk things through with Women who have themselves been abused.
You need time, and let Justice run it's course.
Bless You, and keep safe always.
- 1 decade ago
How much worse can the police have made it compared to what it was? Do you want the violence to continue?? 5 years is a long time to put up with that - it may be more likely that social services will become more involved in the life of your child if you have your partner back??
I think you need the week away from each other to really sort out your thoughts and think of the consequences of having him back may mean
- 1 decade ago
I do sympathise on what your going through i to myself have been in a abusive relationship so i can see why you are wanting to take him back. Try to be strong and not take this man back no matter how hard or lonely you may be feeling this kind of behaviour will not change i know i tried to sort things out with my ex for years but it don't work.
Your son wont be taken away from you social workers need to know he is safe. You must protect your child from witnessing abuse from your ex to yourself.
He is lucky he has been told to stay away from you for a week my ex had bail conditions on him for 6 months.
I would say the police have not made the situation worse your ex has by putting you in a situation where you had to call the police to protect you. The police only want to help you as living kike this is not good for your son or you. Talk to your domestic violence officer i found them a great help even on the day i went to court they were there.
Good Luck and don't put yourself in danger
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- 1 decade ago
What I can make up from the story is that your husband/boyfriend did the deed on your son? And you want the guy back, still you're afraid that they will take your little boy away. What impact do you think it will have in the long run on the little kid to see his own mum is best friends with the person that kicked his butt? Or did he kick YOUR butt? In the first case, your son is going to have trouble trusting people further on in his life. The person that was supposed to be his safe haven is now collaborating with the enemy. In the second case, the person that beat up his mum, be it his dad or her boyfriend, has shattered the foundation so needed for a kid to feel safe. And then mum is kissing and hugging this person that messed up everything, until it happens again?
It's your life, worse, it's the life of your little boy you're pl;aying with...
In case He gets beat up and things don't change, chances are he will become a borderliner. google the word, you're not going to be much happier when THAT comes around the corner......
Sorry to hit you so hard with this all, but it's way too important..
It's a shame it's up to you, he doesn't yet have a voice...
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Wow, that must be a hard situation for you. I can only suggest what my Mom did, which was to realize he had to go. No matter what. Sometimes you get stuck in this cycle of abuse and you feel you love them and can't be without them. (which is all part of the abuse cycle.) But after taking the VERY hard step of leaving him, you will feel much stronger and realize that you were in a terrible position. I know you say you love him, but can it really hurt more to try to live without him, then the pain you probably experience every day being with him? I have a feeling you will find life much better for yourself, after a while. It is always so hard to make that most important step, but in some cases it will save your life. And I do not believe they would take your child away from you as long as you are not hurting him. The police can be very insensitive regarding domestic violence, but I assure you, that you did the most important thing for yourself and your child. it was very good and strong of you to go the police. I really hope everything will work out for you. Try to remember that what feels like love right now, may only be part of the abuse cycle.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
five years of domestic violence and you want him back?? Don't be ridiculous. I understand that you still love him. I know that love can transcend all rational things BUT wake up. You must not go back to him. What kind of example are you setting for your boy?? He will grow up thinking that it's ok to treat women like that as they still love their partners just the same and will end up with no repect for you or any other women. How would you feel if he started beating up his girlfriends in the future? It is more than likely to happen.
Move away and have no contact with this man. You have to be strong. He is a damaged man and you CANT help him. He needs to help himself. Don't put up with it. If jail is where he belongs then so be it. You did the right thing. There are so many decent men out there. Why not give yourself and your son a chance?
- Anonymous1 decade ago
What the hell are you thinking wanting him back. If he beats you the best thing in the world for you is to get as far away as you can and take your child with you. NEVER NEVER stay with an abuser because no matter what they say, they will never quit. I say this from experience. It took me 2 yrs to get away and it was the best decision I ever made. Do yourself a favor and get a restraining order, DO NOT let him near you because the violence will only get worse now that you reported it. You really don't want that, trust me. Especialy with a child in the home. You say you still love him, but is it out of fear? Or is it because he fathered your child? Either way, once an abuser always an abuser. The police are not messing things up, they are doing what is neccessary to keep you and that child safe. If you let him back into the home they might take your child away. Think of that. Do you want that child to grow up in that type of enviroment? You have alot of things to think about but first and foremost, DO NOT let him come back into that house.Source(s): Personal experience
- Anonymous1 decade ago
OK, first take a deep breath and try to let go of some of your fears. You will not be able to make good, effective decisions for yourself and your little boy if you are running scared.
Next, call the National Domestic Hotline for help. Here is the number and website:
They can help you with resources, someone to talk to, good advice, and the type of support you need right now. They help over 16,000 people each month. I have a friend who believes that she is alive today because of their help.
You need to call them this week while he is being kept away from you--the sooner you call, the better. You will immediately feel some relief because you will be getting help, you will have someone on your side, and you will get good information.
Finally, you need to think differently about this man. I believe that you love him, and I'm sure he probably tells you he loves you, but love does NOT include violence. Love does not hurt. You are a worthwhile human being, and you do not deserve to have violence in your life. So whether you love him or not, you need to think about getting away from the violence in order to protect yourself and your child. Your first and most important duty is to your child and to your own safety so you can care for and protect your child. You MUST take this more seriously than loyalty to a grown man who is hurting you and who can take care of himself if you are not there.
This is my best advice, and I hope you will take it. I wish you well, and I will keep you in my prayers.
I want to add that if the court orders your partner to go to anger management and/or domestic violence classes, he can learn to be different and he can learn skills so he will be a better partner. Then you could get back together. But you should tell him that under no circumstances will you be with him until he gets help.
- YahooLv 41 decade ago
You feel this way because you are the victim of a manipulative and controlling man, characteristics which usually come with a violent personaility. Think what it is that you "love" about him. Make a list of his positive and negative attributes. Be honest with yourself. Do you want to be in this situation for the rest of your life? I have been where you are and I KNOW that once you are out of this situation you will realise that it wasn't love but a type of addiction.
Please accept the help that the police are offering you. If it is there, take it otherwise you will regret it later. Violent men usually get more violent, they get braver and braver, knowing that you are not going to do anything about it and that you are even going to protect them through shame, embarrassment or because you simply have just don't have the emotional strength. Women's Aid will give you all the support you need including refuge for you and your son. Just give them a call and have a chat with them. 0808 2000 247.
Your son will not be taken away from you unless he is seen to be in danger. Do what you know you MUST do for the sake of your child if not for yourself.
I wish you strength, courage and luck.