I was 19yrs. old when I met my abuser. A year earlier I lost a child at 8mths. pregnant. It was the worst experience ever. I felt horrible, and couldn't stop blamming myself. When I met Alan he helped me realize that it wasn't my fault, and he really helped lift my spirits. Everything was going great. I heard rumors of his abuse towards one of his ex-girlfriends, but had not experienced it myself. I thought maybe he had changed for the better. I was wrong. We had been dating for about 3mths, and decided to join some friends at a party. I was having a really good time; talking with people I hadn't seen in awhile, when I was talking to one of my guy friends Alan approched us, and threatend my friend. I was shocked, and embarassed. I went outside, and he was hot on my heels; before I knew it he hit me from behind knocking me down. At first I got really pissed, and I could see the anger in his eyes. Things started getting really bad after that night. The abuse got more frquent, and more violent. I think the main reason I stayed was, because I thought it was what I deserved for losing my child. All that pain came back twice fold. At one point I did try calling the police, but as soon as they left he came back even more pissed, and threatended to kill me. He told me if I tried to leave him he would kill my mom, and my dog. I stayed, and the abuse got even worse. If I looked at another man I got slapped, life was becomming unbarable. I tried to leave, and hide at a friends house but he found me. This time he took me to the desert, and held a gun to my head the whole time he was yelling at me, and saying he was going to kill me. He left me to walk home bare foot instead. This time I had enough. I finally was able to escape him, instead of going home I hide at a friends house again, and this time he couldn't find me, even though I heard he was trying. I made sure my mom, and dog were safe. I stayed away from them for about a month. That's when I got word that he had started dating a girl I went to school with. Unfortunatly my effort to warn her went unheard. He ended up killing her, and himself a couple months later. If any man tried to raise there hand towards me; after what I went through they have another thing comming. The reasons we stay are always different, but it's usally due to low self esteem, or a severe loss of some kind. There famous words are I'm sorry; it will never happen again, and then they buy you gfts. They try to regain your trust for the next beating. All I can say is get out while you can, there are to many of us that wind up dead because we think they love us.