Wow, your story touched my heart as my son did try to hurt himself and he began cutting when he was only eleven. First he drew the pix of him w/ a gun, or he would tell me that he wanted to blow his entire elementary school up. I had to take him out of school when he was ten (so, yeah-he actually began showing signs of depression at that young age). I home schooled my son for two years. It was only last Easter that I had to have the police come into our apt. and put T on a 5150 hold....meaning that he was a danger to himself. That was the hardest call I have ever had to make. His sister is your age.
Please, please tell your parents. I am a single mom, but after I had my son put into a children's hospital up in Valejo for eleven days-he is back to his old self again. He takes an antidepressant called Lexapro, and he takes Wellbutrin. Everyone's body reacts differently. I am bipolar and I am 40 and I just started meds about six mo's ago. For all of my life I lived in a depressed state. I wasted years. I tried to numb myself and nothing worked until I got diagnosed properly from a psychiatrist and was put on the right meds.
Your a special boy! Depression totally sucks, and I really hope you can go to your parents and reach out to them and ask for help. If not, maybe there is a counselor at your school who you can speak with. I really believe that once you get the proper treatment you will have increased self esteem. My son is in 7th grade this year and he is having a blast. Before when he was only at home with me on days I was off work, he was home alone. He didn't speak w/ any of his old friends ever.
You can get through this. YOu made the first step in asking for help. I don't believe your in a "phase"....My son still sees a therapist and a psychiatrist monthly. At first he went twice per wk for counseling.
I truly pray that you will get the help you so desperately need immediately. I work in an emergency room and I see a lot of teens come in with the same types of issues you are experiencing. Life is awesome once you begin to feel alive again.
Take care sweetie and I wish you the best!