What do you think of these pieces of writing?

Though this first piece has not been extracted from a novel that I am working on, I would still like to know what a few individuals thought of it. :] It is for my language arts class; we were asked to construct a short three-paragraph essay on an activity we enjoyed. Any comments would be appreciated: The pencil... show more Though this first piece has not been extracted from a novel that I am working on, I would still like to know what a few individuals thought of it. :] It is for my language arts class; we were asked to construct a short three-paragraph essay on an activity we enjoyed. Any comments would be appreciated:

The pencil flows across the page, slowly at first, then progressively more quickly as the words come to mind. My soul then feels a peculiar calm, like no other, as if even the wildest dreams and notions are possible. Such a sensation may seem to be unheard of, lest you are a writer, and have experienced the art of forming words and phrases.

Creativity. Like a powerful wave of oxygen, it breathes life into your words and innermost thoughts until they are nearly palpable upon the page. When writing, one is able to harness such power and bend it to their will, molding their thoughts into whatever they most desire.

[continues... I will most additional details in a moment]
Update: From the reckless sea to the towering spires of an ancient kingdom, the universe is yours for the taking, and every piece of landscape created within your mind has the possibly for a new endeavor. The self expression that is found in writing is my voice when I do not wish to share my thoughts aloud, and when... show more From the reckless sea to the towering spires of an ancient kingdom, the universe is yours for the taking, and every piece of landscape created within your mind has the possibly for a new endeavor. The self expression that is found in writing is my voice when I do not wish to share my thoughts aloud, and when troubling thoughts are on my mind, I feel that this is the simplest way of sharing them.

Whether I am writing a journal entry or a novel chapter, writing has been my form of expression, even as a small child. Words can speak volumes when you feel that your voice alone cannot, and your personality has the ability to shine through your writing effortlessly, so long as you use the your innermost conscience to share your tale. If ever you feel the desire to escape beyond the limitations of reality, find a notebook and share your dreams and sentiments - for there is no one to judge them in the world of literature.
Update 2: I am thirteen years old, but indeed I am an aspiring novelist. ^-^ If you would like to see some writing for a story I was working on a bit last year, go here: http://lola162.deviantart.com/art/White-in-the-Devil-s-Sky-P5-67913389. It is not my most recent piece of work, but I have not had much inspiration lately,... show more I am thirteen years old, but indeed I am an aspiring novelist. ^-^ If you would like to see some writing for a story I was working on a bit last year, go here: http://lola162.deviantart.com/art/White-in-the-Devil-s-Sky-P5-67913389. It is not my most recent piece of work, but I have not had much inspiration lately, you see... as it is from last year, it is definitely not my best. But nonetheless, I do hope you enjoy it. ;]
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