What do you think of these pieces of writing?

Though this first piece has not been extracted from a novel that I am working on, I would still like to know what a few individuals thought of it. :] It is for my language arts class; we were asked to construct a short three-paragraph essay on an activity we enjoyed. Any comments would be appreciated:

The pencil flows across the page, slowly at first, then progressively more quickly as the words come to mind. My soul then feels a peculiar calm, like no other, as if even the wildest dreams and notions are possible. Such a sensation may seem to be unheard of, lest you are a writer, and have experienced the art of forming words and phrases.

Creativity. Like a powerful wave of oxygen, it breathes life into your words and innermost thoughts until they are nearly palpable upon the page. When writing, one is able to harness such power and bend it to their will, molding their thoughts into whatever they most desire.

[continues... I will most additional details in a moment]

Update:

From the reckless sea to the towering spires of an ancient kingdom, the universe is yours for the taking, and every piece of landscape created within your mind has the possibly for a new endeavor. The self expression that is found in writing is my voice when I do not wish to share my thoughts aloud, and when troubling thoughts are on my mind, I feel that this is the simplest way of sharing them.

Whether I am writing a journal entry or a novel chapter, writing has been my form of expression, even as a small child. Words can speak volumes when you feel that your voice alone cannot, and your personality has the ability to shine through your writing effortlessly, so long as you use the your innermost conscience to share your tale. If ever you feel the desire to escape beyond the limitations of reality, find a notebook and share your dreams and sentiments - for there is no one to judge them in the world of literature.

Update 2:

I am thirteen years old, but indeed I am an aspiring novelist. ^-^ If you would like to see some writing for a story I was working on a bit last year, go here: http://lola162.deviantart.com/art/White-in-the-Dev... It is not my most recent piece of work, but I have not had much inspiration lately, you see... as it is from last year, it is definitely not my best. But nonetheless, I do hope you enjoy it. ;]

6 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It is just a little bit heavy on the purple prose. But that comes with experience. Pax-C

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  • 4 years ago

    Not too dangerous. The first few sentences contradicted every different. For illustration, “Leave,” I murmured, preserving up my gun. “I do not desire to kill you, so simply piss off.” Your man or woman is form of a difficult a$$, however she's murmuring? That does not make feel, you could check out utilizing a phrase with a extra assertive connotation. Example 2, "She walked with trust and likewise somewhat with worry, I would feel and think it." Not simplest used to be this sentence complicated, however you had been displaying as an alternative of telling. Yes, the assailant used to be strolling with trust and also you had been ready to "feel" and "think" it however how had been you ready to opt for up in this? It could be less difficult for the reader in case you created a visible photo(what did you notice that led you to this end?). Also this special word simply did not think proper, "worry etching over all of her features now". I get what you had been tying to carry however I consider you would discover a extra eloquent option to say it. For illustration: worry coloured her expression however used to be rapidly washed away/changed by way of/with confusion.

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  • Rose D
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    It's good, but needs some editing. You might try reading "On Writing" by Stephen King. Even if you're not a fan, he has some really good advice about writing and about making a living off of your words.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I feel exactly like that when I'm writing. I just kind of loose myself when I write, and feel like I am in the world that I am creating. There are no walls when you write, just endless space that is there for the taking. This piece sums all of that up wonderfully!

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  • 1 decade ago

    i think you have real talent, you have captured how i feel when i write. thank you so much for sharing! continue to pursue what is only a dream now but what will, for certain, become a reality for you one day.

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  • 1 decade ago

    OMG! THAT IS BEAUTIFULLY WELL WRITTEN!! IT'S A STUNNING PIECE OF WRITING! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! THE ADORATION I HAVE FOR YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING!!! :D

    Source(s): Avid Reader/ Author
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