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Lv 5

My husband constantly says things to get on my nerves on purpose, how do I get him to stop?

I've been married almost 7yrs. and I know my husband really loves me - but he just constantly "jokes" w/ me by saying crude/disrespectful (but not abusive) things to me. He thinks it's funny - I've told him a million times how I feel and he just doesn't get it. He doesn't put me down or anything he just says things that hurt my feelings. He thinks I'm being too sensitive and that we should be able to joke like that.....only problem is if it was once in awhile I might be cool w/ it, but he comes at me all the time w/ his "jokes". Other than that he's a great dad, provider, hard worker, and deep down he really is a good guy. It's just this is really starting to get to me. I don't know what to do - he honestly doesn't get it. I've threatened to leave but we have 3 kids and I don't want them to get hurt. I've suggested counseling but he doesn't want to go! The situation isn't dire - it's just annoying -anyone in similar situation that can offer some advice that I haven't tried yet? Thanks!

Update:

When I sd. the situations not dire I meant there is no physical abuse going on and nothing in front of our kids....it's just eating away at me little by little.....

21 Answers

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  • Mary B
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    Pretty much what it comes down to is your husband is very immature & the little boy in him comes out when he gets a charge out of you! Just like a child will continue to do something that you tell them not to do. Seriously, you need to stop reacting to it- I know it will be hard to remain aloof when he tells his little jokes- but, after awhile I suspect if he isn't getting the results he is seeking from you it will get old to him. My ex used to do the same to me & sometimes I would be in the other room fuming because he knew how I felt about it & when he did it I felt he was purposely trying to get at me & it is not a good feeling so trust me I know how you feel! Life carries enough challenges for us on a daily basis to waste time with such childish nonsence. I hope that this stops for you soon-good luck!

    Source(s): marben049
  • 1 decade ago

    If he constantly does something that you, over the years, have asked him not to, that hurts, that's NOT OK.

    You say its not abusive, but he is "crude and disrespectful", and hurts your feelings. "I've told him a million times how I feel, but he just won't get it." He won't stop it, and doesn't see your side. Girl that is not a good thing. That is a subtle form of emotional abuse. He IS putting you down, and why should he think that is funny?

    If he loves you he should be open to changing that which does this to you. If he won't go to counseling, and refuses to even see it as a problem, you have to ask him why he thinks hurting you is OK.

  • 1 decade ago

    I understand where you are coming from. My husband does these things too. When I tell him how I feel, he understands and he won't do it. Then one day it might come out again. I don't know what else to tell you if you've told him how you feel and suggested counseling. I normally don't suggest this, but it might be good for you to go to counseling to at least get your side heard and see what is suggested. If you start going then maybe he'll realize just how much he is hurting you. I hope everything works out because its doesn't feel good to be hurt by the one who is supposed to love you most.

  • Lisa D
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, it is tearing at your self-esteem. Eventually you'll start to ask yourself why you put up with it, then the resentment will set in. If he's not going to listen to your requests then you need to talk to someone who can get his attention. His mother, brother, or another family member. Maybe a friend of his? If that doesn't work then put the shoe on the other foot. When he asks you something or says something sincerely, and his under-belly is exposed, throw it back at him and see how he likes it. It may hurt his feelings and sting a little but that's when you say to him, now you know how I feel.

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  • Kate
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Make this "cost" him more than it does you. He's not going to stop until it is more uncomfortable for him than it is for you. Next time he does this, don't nag, scream, don't say a word - just stop, look him right in the eyes and give him a long, hard stare. He'll probably say "What? What?" Don't say anything. Then, get up and go in another room and do something. Don't sulk or fume, just be calm. If he comes after you and says "What's wrong?" Say calmly "I told you I will not be spoken to like that. "

    Then,say nothing. See what he says next. If it's "I'm just kidding" just say nothing. Don't respond.

    Until he realizes that everything will stop dead and you will not interact with him when he's doing this, he has no motive to stop.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Been there also my x husband would say rude things to me like im too serious (sometimes ya gotta be) and all sorts of rude remarks he wouldnt stop either i threatned him and threatend him he didnt care he said oh find someone else whod want you with 3 kids etc. I left him and 6 yrs later am married to a good man. point is if he dont stop or go to counseling leave him see if hell change never know and good luck to you

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Yelling heaps of abuse as you pass each other is called "hall sex"... (old joke... doesn't matter) ... but it is evidence that you you have been married 7 years... this is the 7 year itch thing coming into play. I suggest you duck out and have an extra-marital affair to liven things up a bit... and suggest he does the same... then at least his crude/disrespectful jokes will have a reasonable foundation. There really is too much emphasis on monogamy these days!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I've been there for the last year and a half. I don't see where it will end. I try not to make a big deal of it anymore. He says things that hurt me so badly that I cry and it doesn't affect him. I mean he can physically see how bad it hurts me yet he doesn't understand it. Just hang in there.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would suggest that ever single time he mentions it to remind him that you dont like it. Tell him every time you find it rude and annoying and you dont appreciate it. Use the broken record. Each time be more and more direct and forward about it. Eventually he is going to get so sick of you saying that he will stop. Also I am sure he dont want to put up with you being angry at him all night so he will clue in.

  • 1 decade ago

    "NOTHING WILL CHANGE UNTIL IT BECOMES TOO PAINFUL TO REMAIN THE SAME"

    I love the kick in the dink idea LOL

    When he says, "I'm just kidding", reply, "I'm not"

    He is bored out of his mind and joking is just a way of entertaining himself at your expense.

    In my fantasy life, I like to imagine that when your not mad, inform him that for every 3 inappropriate comments, You will apply for another credit card. and let him imagine all his earnings going to the credit card companies.

    Or let him know that for every comment, you will charge $25 on your credit card or for every 4 comments will withdrawl $100 and go to the mall or go out with the girls. BUT FOLLOW THRU with whatever your threat is.

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