notme asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

I have 2 kids--girls 12 & 8. They live with their dad.why do I not feel more sad? I am relieved they are gone?

I have not seen my kids in 3 months due to lies they told to my ex husband about me and my boyfriend, with whom I live. When I first moved in the girls were happy I had someone in my life. Then suddenly, they started making up things that have never happened and even had CPS called to my house. I have not seen them since. I have tried to talk to them on the phone, but they just yell that I am the liar not them. I have no feelings of loss towards them. I feel relieved that I don't have to deal with them anymore. Is that normal? Why do I feel like I was their babysitter instead of their mom? We had a decent relationship before they went to live with their dad. Although they never respected me or anything I did for them. I was extremely overweight for years...then lost almost 200 pounds and things changed dramatically with them and with me. I sent them to live with their dad so I could learn to deal with the new me...and now, don't really want them back. Is that normal?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best answer

    The same thing happened to my friend.

    Her daughter was so horrible to her in the end that she didn't want anything to do with her anymore.

    She accussed her of child abuse and countless other things and her Mother even ended up in court over it.

    Luckly the judge took her side.

    They haven't seen each other for about 4 years now and I doubt they ever will.

    My friend is over it now but will never forgive her daughter.

    I think anyone in your situation would react the same way so yes you are normal.

    The best thing to do now is just get on with your life and let your kids get on with theirs.

    Good Luck!

  • Dina K
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    You have never been a good mom to them and you have always known this. You felt very guilty for being a bad mom. Now that you don't have the responsibility anymore of being a mom - you feel less guilty and a LOT better.

    Your kids don't sound like they lied to CPS. Instead, you sound confused and like you have been lying to yourself. Even your question is unclear and garbled. You state CPS called your house and you have not seen your girls since (i.e., like CPS ripped them away from you) and in the next sentence you state that you wanted to discover the "new you" and sent your girls to live with their dad.

    CONCLUSION: Leave your girls alone, they are better off with the parent who is the BEST parent - and that is their dad. Enjoy your new life and the "new you"! Please let your girls grow up with a great dad and a great upbringing.

    You never should have been breeding.

  • 1 decade ago

    This is a tough question to answer because you're dealing with two totally different situations: life changing situations at that! You losing the weight did bring on a new you. And I'm sure you feel 1000 times better and can move about, live life, enjoy life and have more to offer to those around you. What I don't understand is how losing this weight could change you as a person (as in what you stand for) and as a mother to your children.

    The kids live with their father now but how did they get to that point? Did you say "I lost weight, I have a new me and a new life so go live with Dad?" or was it something else? I guess that part of things I don't quiet get. There are situations where kids lie and CPS is involved. I've heard lots of these cases actually. But I'd like to believe (and maybe I'm wrong) that there are more cases where CPS was properly involved then false alarms.

    I think the best solution is to get those kids into counseling. Since they won't tell you what's bothering them and it kind of seems like you don't care to ask because you're living your new life, counseling is the best solution for everyone. I think that you should go also because you're experiencing some real life changing things and the fact that your kids aren't part of your life is sad to me.

    Kids need both parents. For girls, having their mother is very important. And you should really be trying a LOT harder at being in their lives. I'm not saying live with them, but try harder to see them, call them, etc. And take the step in getting everyone into counseling.....it sounds that they could really use some stability and maybe need help figuring out where they stand in your new world. It might sound silly, but if life is very different for you, it's also very different for them.

    Best of luck!

    ** ADD **

    When and why did the kids move in with their Dad? It seems like they moved in with him before you moved in with your boyfriend?

  • 1 decade ago

    I know what it's like to be treated like crap by kids and subsequently losing attachment. There apparently is not a strong bond between you and your kids.

    They may, however, be very bitter that you sent them to live with their dad. They are likely feeling rejected and hurt. That said, it doesn't mean that you aren't being badmouthed and their minds poisoned against you. That's what happened with my sd....her mother and grandmother poison her mind and she doesn't visit anymore (but man am I relieved....can't stand her no matter how hard I tried). Just because people are family doesn't mean that you automatically love them or like them, but these are your kids and I think you owe it to them to talk about why they are so angry. Start with a letter first.

    I don't think you need to have them move back if you don't want to, but you shouldn't abandon them. They may be seeking revenge for the hurt you caused them. I can't say how you feel is normal, but that's the way you feel and that's that. If you're happier this way and they are okay with the arrangement, then go with it. I doubt life in your home would be happy anyway seeing as though you'd rather not live with them.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I have a feeling we arent hearing the entire story. Children do not turn on a loving mother for no reason. Im betting you are guilty of something. Even children who are abused prefer their own mothers over others and dont want to be taken away. Something happened and I dont know what it is but I do think they are better off without you. Just dont complain when they are grown with children and they dont want to have anything to do with you. You can take comfort then in boyfriend # 23.

    Source(s): The reason you are not sad is because you dont love them and didnt want them.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    cut all the bullshit you are a bad mom. you sent your kids away so you could find the new you and the new you dosent include having your children. just because you ignore them it dosent mean they are gonna go away. they are still your children and one day you are gonna wake up and feel like **** cause of your decision to make a life without your kids and its gonna be too late..

    those girls are better off without you in all honesty...you loved them till you found someone *boyfriend* to take there place. a REAL mothers love in unconditional...woman ***** all the time about men walking out on there kids and not paying support and wanting nothing to do with them.....must be nice to have a man see the other side of a worthless mother

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