Relationship Issues...Married & Lusting after co-worker?
2 issues at hand really. One is my current relationship. I am married going on now 6 years and we have 1 child. For the last 2-3 years things have not been great with our relationship to the point most days we just tolerate each other. Most days its fighting, arguing and as much as I try and to things right I don't feel much love from her. Our sex life is non-existent since our daughter was born. I think about divorce but being from a divorced family I know me and my siblings never had the best of childhoods in part due to that. I don't want the same for my daughter so I've been playing the "stick it out" game.
The other new issue is my desire to want to be with a girl I work with who is much younger then me (12 years). She is engaged and talks to me daily about her what seems are similar issues. She has a child with her fiance too. Our body language and other non-verbal say we both think the same thing but neither make the move to advance it due to our relationships. What do I do?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Been there. Married for 11 years. Sure, there are moments when it seems as if you are just "tolerating" each other. You are most likely looking at your co-worker as someone to sleep with and not exactly have a long-lasting relationship with her. It's common for people at work to feel close to someone they see and talk to on a daily basis. You probably talk more with your co-worker than you do with your wife. Remember you are married and you have a kid. Feeling attracted to someone else is normal, but it's different when you actually act out on that impulse. Your co-worker might just be very into the fact that a guy who is 12 years older than her thinks she's hot. It's a game for a lot of people. Be careful. Try to make some couple time for you and your wife (no baby, no family drama). You'd be surprised what can happen in a weekend. Divorce might be an option, but do everything you can before calling it quits.
- 1 decade ago
if the woman you are lusting after is engaged,you might as well face the fact she is just flirting and seriously doubt she will call off her engagement!! people do that kind of thing at work all the time and it doesn't go any further!!!
as far as being unhappily married you should not be pursueing anyone else while married ,PERIOD !!!
get seperated and divorced if you are going to do that stuff!!
things are different now days and you make the relationship you can have with your child after divorce!!! it is all up to you how involved you want to be and whether you are going to be there and be a good dad. I dont like divorce either but i have been there !!! i also don't think you should live your life miserable either!!! the way you talk about your relationship being soured i think you could probably agree to divorce and stay civilized for the child!!! move on with your life and be happy,but get divorced before chasing after other women!!!!
- 1 decade ago
What is to be gained from an affair with a co-worker? Are you looking for a one night stand or a long-term mistress? Or are you thinking about leaving your family to marry her and raise her child while your child comes for visits on the weekends?
Or maybe you're thinking that you'll have a lasting, warm, and wonderful affair with your co-worker and still stay married to a woman who doesn't care or know. That may happen but I doubt it. You may even be reading your co-worker's signals wrong.
Anyway you look at it, this will hurt an already frail marriage. It may also make your workplace uncomfortable if that relationship ends badly.
If you and your wife want to stay married, I suggest counseling. Good luck.
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- 1 decade ago
NONONO!! You are emotionally having a hard time right now. you will get over it wihtout making a big mistake with this co worker. it is easy to turn to a co worker and some people alwasy feel attracted to co workers many times in their married life- not uncommon very normal to have home troubles and feel connecte dto another-that's the easy fantasy way out. reality- that would make mro of a mess- not cool.
you have to reconnect with you wife and put effort into the relationship. start by giving wihtout recieving.or expecting
actions speak louder than words so give her some attentiona nd affection -the kind she apprechaites. change the environment-i f you figth- go on a date . if you make an effort to be romantic- you will rekindle romance with you wife. i ahve two great sources that have changed my view an dhelped my marriageSource(s): 1. BOOK-STEPHEN R. COVEY the seven habits of highly effective families 2. WWW.MAARAIGE TODAY.COM- its a christian show with a pastor jimmy and his wife karen- great show 15min. on the internet- i am not a christian and i watch it just for the marriage counseling-he's amazing-justignore the jesus promotion if yo not religious like me. he is so practical and hit the nail on the head. just watch one show on the net-too good to miss.
- ?Lv 61 decade ago
Stop lusting after your co-worker and start working on your miserable relationship. Once you cheat on your wife it is over. Go to marriage counseling. Your co-worker is engaged to be married and is having problems like you do? Well, I hope she is not getting married, because she sounds like a little two timer.
- Praire CroneLv 71 decade ago
You are playing with fire my friend. Clean up the mess in your house first. Make the decision about whether your marriage is worth saving or not. Get some counseling and if then you decide that you want a divorce, get it, get out and then start looking around. AS for the co-worker. Well I assume she knows that you are married so she might not feel like you are assuming. Right now you are safe in her mind. She can flirt and feel single with no threat to her present relationship. She might treat you differently if you weren't attached. Think about it. Good Luck.
- 1 decade ago
Buddy, the relationship your not so into is your keeper, that said I'll explain why;
Sometimes the fighting we do with our spouses is from the guilt we feel. I' not saying you've done wrong. Maybe your not all that happy with the life you've created for you and your family, and you think this thing at your jobs the answer. She's a distraction from what your not facing!! Don't read her wrong, If she is engaged, and you get together,you'll crash two separate families and they'll go up in flames. YOU"LL be the biggest casualty.NO wife, NO kid, and the other girl will resent you for the damage you've done her too!!
Either way you'll lose, So put her outta your head, and put this energy to good cause,she's waiting for you at home..
DANSource(s): Life and it's trials
- ThunderrollsLv 41 decade ago
Don't use the child as a reason to play house.... It doesn't work !! Sit down and talk with your wife.... Communication & trust are the most important factors in a marriage...And the children pick up more than you think... If you want to protect your name and reputation, leave the co-worker alone..
- 1 decade ago
DIVORCE!! Or someone including your child will get hurt. Then you will feel like an a**. You can't play hero and stay together in a marriage for the sake of children. Things between you and u're wife will most likely get worse as time goes on. Children always blame themselves and carry guilt for the mistakes that adults make. A good father would never cheat, lie, beat, or steal from his wife and children. Stop the affair in your head and heart before you act on it. You don't want the mess. It happened to me and my baby.