My dad (who i never knew) has died, i feel guilty that i don't feel anything, should i go to the funeral?

My dad left when Mum was pregnant, I have met him 2 x in 38 years, he said I was too much like my mother in looks!!.

My brother has been in touch with him over the last 15years and saw him regular.

My brother has said I don't have to go to the funeral, but i feel guilty as I don;t feel sad.

Should I go or will i regret it in later years - the funeral is 300 miles from where i live.

17 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best answer

    I wouldn't worry about not feeling guilty. While this was your father, he was not apart of your life, and therefore, there is nothing for you to miss with him being gone.

    On the other hand, your brother was in his life and I have always believed that funerals are for the living and not the dead. If you think that you can help your brother by being there, then go. Do not go for your father's sake, but rather your brother's.

  • 1 decade ago

    Same situation here except I was 17 when my bio dad died and I did not attend his funeral, with no regrets another 13 years later...I did feel a little hurt that he died without us getting to know each other, but there was no chance anyway - he never made an effort to be responsible for me so I don't feel bad. such is life. If I was closer to him, I would have gone for the I don't think you should feel guilty. I think it's only natural that you're not feeling anything for him - he's a stranger really. But in the end, I think you can only do your best. Best of luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    though your dad did not take the time for whatever the reason you should... Later in life when you reflect then you won't feel any guilt that YOU didn't do it. That is what can make the world a bit of a better place. I had a grandfather who live 10 minutes from me and I only seen him one time in a car as he passed us my mother said "kids, thats your grandfather" Years later he killed himself. I went to his funeral on my 16th b-day. I cried because I was mad at him. I am now 35 and glad that I did go. I have since learned some things about him thru his wife he was married to at the time. It will ease your mind later in life.

    Take care!!

    Source(s): ME
  • 1 decade ago

    You shouldn't feel guilty, if your father chose to not have a relationship with you. It is not your fault that he wasn't man enough to be a Dad to you. If you don't want to go, then don't go. No worries as to it being wrong or not. How can you feel sad or upset over a man that you didn't know? If you think it would do you some good emotionally to go, then take the trip, say your peace and be done with it. My father was in my life, but when he passed we were not on speaking terms. I was living in Colorado and he in North Carolina. I made the trip to be at his funeral, but I did not cry or feel bad really. How could I cry for a man that chose to disown me because he didn't approve of the life that I chose for myself? Do what is in your can't go wrong.

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  • 1 decade ago

    First off, allow me to say, you should not feel guilty at all about not feeling sad. You did not know him, you had no relationship with him. Of course, even when strangers die, as he was a stranger to you, we all feel a sense of saddness, just like when you hear death on the news. But please do not pressure yourself into how you should feel. You were cheated your entire life from having a relationship with your dad. Children should have a balance in their life and take personalities or values from each of their parents to create a more well balanced adolecsent.

    I am sure you are very well balanced because you put forth this question on here in the first place and I am sure you are grieving in your own to even want to put this question on here. You are looking for others to confirm your normalcy. Well you are normal and I commend you even thinking about wanting to attend the funeral.

    My answer is you should. I think you need that closure. I think you should go and talk silently to him about how it made you feel that he was not part of your life. I believe that the body goes, but the soul, mind and heart are still connected. I do not believe that all that energy we pocess leaves this earth.

    So I say, peace to yourself and above all do not feel bad about your feelings. You are only human and you have been through a lot and I say that because my dad is the greatest man in the world and I could never see myself without him in my life.

    Good Luck

  • 1 decade ago

    No,... don't feel guilty about not going to the funeral. My dad gave up his career for us kids when we were kids (first he was a chief of police then became a lawyer, yet when we reunited with our mom in Germany and one had to stay home he decided to be the homemaker) My dad was awesome! When he passed away I dragged my two kids- second son was only 5 months old back then- and my husband all the way to Germany from Hawaii to attend his funeral. It was hard, because we had to get off the plane twice- but for my dad- it was worth it!

    You had no relationship with your dad, so don't feel bad.

  • 1 decade ago

    You shouldn't feel guilty if he left you in the first place, that was his decision. But if really do feel guilty then you should try to go to his funeral, however if you already have plans that day or you don't have time, then you shouldn't go out of your way.

  • 1 decade ago

    A biological donor is what he was. He was not your father. He was not there when you were sick, needed arms to hug you, needed a couple dollars for a show, saw you act in a play, went to your graduation, held you on his knee and loved you.

    He missed your life, he was not there.

    Yes, you do feel something but not love or sadness. It is kind of empty and hollow, because he missed out on meeting his wonderful child, you.

    You are correct in not attending if you don't want to.

    He was in fact a strangerand has no place in your life.

    I wouldn't feel sad for his death, I would feel sorry for him, for not being able to share his life with you.

    If you are an emotional person you might need the closure in your life. A final goodbye .. you are a piece of him.......

  • 1 decade ago

    That is a difficult one.

    Out of respect for the man who gave you life maybe

    you should go to the funeral.Do not feel guilty about

    not feeling anything.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Go to the funeral and pay your condolences. Don't feel guilty for not feeling sad. Even though he was your father, he made sure to be more of an aquaintence to you and you "lost" your father years ago.

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