Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 decade ago

Under what circumstances is it acceptable to date a friends ex?

My friend recently broke up with her now ex-boyfriend about a month ago. Her ex and I just recently admitted that we both have feelings for each other. Although I told him that we should just be friends I would love to be more than just that, except for the fear that I would be betraying my friend. My friend still is not over him yet and they had a messy break up. Is there anyway this could ever work out?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best answer

    To answer your question: Yes it could definately work out but...

    ...if you are seriously thinking of going out with this guy you HAVE to tell your friend first how you feel about him.

    If you really think this guy could be someone you could go someplace with then I think you owe it to yourself to go out with him. BUT you gotta tell your friend that you believe it could go somewhere and why, be straight with her - if you just have a little thing for him then you should not date him it's only if you think it could lead to long term relationship - it comes down to how strong your feelings are for him and how well suited you think you are.

    I personally believe through experience that a friend should know you well enough to know you would not be going out with her ex just to have someone to date.

    That said have you thought of the situations where you will be with her ex? Are you expecting to stay in the group of friends hanging around together with him and his ex right there too if she isn't over him? She's really gotta be over this guy and accepting that you're with him for you to stay in your cricle of friends.

    Do you date many guys? If you do then maybe it is not a good idea to date your friends ex. See, if you don't date many guys or your friend knows you're generally very picky about who you date then your friend might understand that this guy is obviously not just another bloke you want to go out with for a while.

    MY EXPERIENCE

    I didn't go out with a friends ex who also had a bad break-up 4 years ago after a 3 year relationship and have never met someone I clicked with the way we did and she's been with someone else now for 3 years...I am no longer close friends with her ex as our friendship just went different ways and really regret not accepting how I felt, I still talk to her and we are so alike, when I think back I should have just told him that I really thought it could go somehwere with her but I did the loyal thing and look how that worked out...

    One of my friends did go out with a friends ex and they are happily together for 4 years now and there will no doubt be wedding bells in the coming years...the ex realised that it wasn't just a fling 3 months in when he saw them together and how well they were suited. Both guys have remained friends.

    I also know two girls who were chasing the same guy, both were with him over the space of 2 years and things were a little chilly between them for a while, it never went anywhere with him but they both stayed friends to this day.

    BUT I also know a guy who kissed his friends ex and they almost came to blows and have never spoken since...that was 5 years ago.

    I don't think you're going to find a concrete answer here to be honest, I don't think there is a definate answer, not when you're dealing with people and relationships, it could work out or not, you have to be the judge about this...

  • 1 decade ago

    Personally I think it is NEVER ever a good idea to date a friend's ex. I suppose however you have to look at the facts and circumstances of each situation differently. How good of a friend is she to you? If we are talking about your best friend, someone you have been close to for years, who has been there for you whenever you needed her, then I definately would not ever jeopordize losing a friendhip as valuable and as precious as this. If however she is more of an aqualintance, you belong to a group of friends that hang out together and you and she just happen to be two in the smae group but do not have a srong independent bond, then that may make things different.

    You also have to look at the seriousness of the relattionship bewtween you friend and her ex. Was he the love of her life? How long did they date? If they date exclusively for 3 years and she is devistated by the breakup, forget him and keep your freind and move on. If however she is one of these grils who has dated every single man in your area and her longest relationship has been 4 months and she claims to love every single man she dates and every man happens to be "the one...." give it some time and soon you my find that she has moved on and is madly in love with another man an may even give you her blessing.

    There are two situations in which I have dated a friend's ex/ (1) my very best friend from grade school on up 20 + years of friendship was dating a man, but he made it clear to her that he only wanted to be friends from the beginning, he was not interested in a serious relationship and he never referred to her as a girlfriend. When they were together I lived in another state, they broke up and when I moved back home she had laready dated and broken up with and been heartbroken over 3 other men. She was finally engaged. I explained to her that we lived in a small town and that if I was not permitted to date any of her old flings then I could never date, we laughed and all was ok.

    Another freind, who I always knew was more of a fair weathered freind than i was willing to admit, dated (if you could call it dating, they had three dates, but did sleep together) my best friend-I set them up. She was dating other men at the tiem as was he. it did not work out, she later married another. Aftr I divorced my best freind (male) and I eventually acted on our feelings we had always had but never admitted to. We have been together for 3 years now

  • 1 decade ago

    To be honest i have mixed answers for this question. Friendship is a powerful thing and your friends heart has just been broken by the same guy, aren't you scared that he will do that to you? Also i think it will hurt your friend more and yes she will feel betrayed about this, she will probably deny it but deep down she will feel hurt. Or maybe she is one of those people who get on with there lives. But you said that she is having a hard time, maybe you should stick by your friend. My other answer for this is going to give you a completely different veiw and i think it's quit weird myself and it may sound selfish...It's your life!! You only have one shot at it and if you really like the guy then go for it.. But decide carefully and think about other people this may affect. ~.~

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My Best Friend At My Request Ended Up Dating And Marrying One Of My Ex G/F's They Have 4 Beautiful Children And I Got To Be Their GODFATHER LOL I Have Always Been Happy For Them...I Set His Butt Up Good LOL

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  • 1 decade ago

    In my opinion.. its never ok to date a friends ex. Especially under the current circumstances.. If shes not over him yet you will definitely be ruining a friendship by getting w/ him. I guess what you have to ask yourself is..

    Is this guy worth your friendship?

    and put yourself in your friends shoes.. say it was your ex.. and she started dating him.. how would you feel? Thats what I would do.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    How good of friends are you with his ex??? I think that if you two are good friends, stay away from the guy.... there are so many guys out there, and its safe to say that if you date him you will loose a friend. So if you don't want her as a friend then date him, but if you do, I would leave him alone and find someone else. There are millions of guys out there, try not to be one of "those girls". Good Luck!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    NONE. Now, you know this is not acceptable. If your friend is still not over him yet, WHY would you do this?

    Sweetie, let go of the selfish 'I want him for me' story, and find someone who has no connections to any of your friends.

    Are you trying to tell me that there is no one else on this earth, but your friends ex for you to date? Sorry, but I can't believe this.

    KARMA...

    Desi :-)

  • 1 decade ago

    Well, it usually doesn't. Tell her about it really calmly and tell her you really wish it didn't have to be THAT guy you like so much, but it is and tell her it would be really nice if you could date him, but you want her opinion. If she is nearing over it or is a very considerate friend, she should say it's okay, otherwise it'll probably be a no. sorry.

    I really hope things work out for you though.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I would say go for it! But just talk to your friend to see how she feels about it...Try to talk to her and tell her that you and her ex have feelings for each other. And I think that the rule that says you can't date your frined's ex, is a bunch of bull!

  • WC
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Wait for about 3-4 months and see what happens.

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