IF YOUR parents divorce, it can seem like the end of the world, a catastrophe that generates enough misery to last forever. It often triggers a wave of shame, anger, anxiety, fear of abandonment, guilt, depression, and profound loss—even a desire for revenge.
Whatever the case, the fact that your parents may have...
Best answer: IF YOUR parents divorce, it can seem like the end of the world, a catastrophe that generates enough misery to last forever. It often triggers a wave of shame, anger, anxiety, fear of abandonment, guilt, depression, and profound loss—even a desire for revenge.
Whatever the case, the fact that your parents may have chosen to be silent or to give you only vague answers to your questions regarding the divorce does not mean they do not love you. Wrapped up in their own hurt, your parents may simply find it hard to talk about the divorce. They may also find it awkward and embarrassing to admit to their mutual failures.
• Identify your fears. Because divorce can turn your world upside down, you may find yourself worrying about things that you formerly took for granted. Even so, you may be able to shrink your fears to a manageable size by first identifying what they are.
● Resist false expectations. Your first instinct might be to try to get your parents back together. Recalls Anne: “After they separated, my parents would still take us out together sometimes. My sister and I would whisper to each other, ‘Let’s run ahead and leave those two together.’ But I guess it didn’t work. They never did get back together.”
Proverbs 13:12 says: “Expectation postponed is making the heart sick.” To avoid becoming unduly distressed yourself, remember that you cannot control what your parents do. You didn’t cause their separation, and in all likelihood you cannot step in and patch up their marriage either.
● Avoid hatred. Harboring anger and hatred toward one or both of your parents can cause you long-term damage. Tom recalls his feelings at age 12: “I started to feel real anger toward my dad. I don’t like to use the word ‘hatred,’ but I had a terrible grudge. I couldn’t see how he could care about us if he left us.”
Separation, though, is rarely as simple as one parent being all good and the other being all bad. The fact is, your parents probably haven’t told you everything about their marriage or its breakup; they may not even understand it themselves. So avoid judging a situation when you don’t have the whole picture. Granted, anger is hard to resist, and it’s quite natural for you to feel deeply upset for a time. But nursing an angry and vengeful spirit can gradually poison your personality. For good reason the Bible tells us: “Let anger alone and leave rage.”—Psalm 37:8.