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Questions28
  • How many pit bulls together is too many?

    My husband and I are dog freaks. I volunteer regularly at our local shelter. We tend to adopt the unwanteds which means we have 4 dogs: a totally afraid/anti-social spaniel who was a abused, a handicapped Lab that someone tried to kill as a pup by running over her, but just ended up paralyzing her instead, and 2 pit bulls that were abandoned as pups and left to starve to death. I am by no means an "expert" but we have done as much research as possible to learn about the breed so we can be knowledgeable and responsible owners. Here's the problem. Our community has a horrible pit bull problem (lots of dumb a$%#es that think they can breed and sell pups) so our shelter is always inundated with pits. They are hard to adopt. There is one at the shelter right now who is breaking my heart. Very sweet and not aggressive in the least bit, but she is a climber which means she will be tough to put in the adoption kennels because she can get out. Climbers usually don't have happy endings. I am debating taking her home too. However, am I getting too many pit bulls? Is there any danger of creating a pack mentality with these dogs? Our 2 at home are very well socialized, but they both have fairly dominant tendencies which have to be kept in check. I would hate to be caring for these dogs wrong and bring yet another one into our environment. Suggestions? Do I really need 5 dogs? Probably not, but we have the space and resources to make it happen. I am just concerned that I am not as up-to-speed about the breed as I should be. Thanks for your help!

    7 AnswersDogs9 years ago
  • For the divorced wives- is it impossible to have a relationship with the new wife?

    I am not asking to be her best friend, but why can't this woman at least give me a level of respect? Her children adore me. They come to me with everything. I married him so now I am a permanent fixture in the kids' lives. When my husband talks to his ex all they do is scream and shout. It always turns into a personal battle and an ugly name calling session, rather than a productive phone call about the kids. So last night, same ugly fight ensued between them and it ended with my husband slamming the phone down and yelling at me- "You talk to her!" Since it was a topic about the kids and I am a relatively reasonable person I figured I would give it a shot. She refused to take my call and later texted my husband to not have "that woman call me again." So, now I am the angry one. I have always tried to treat her with respect and give her the benefit of the doubt in many situations. After all, I know her ex husband as well or better than she and he can be very tough to live with! So, I could almost sympathize with her at times- but not anymore! We have been together for 5 years now. I think she needs to get over it and accept/appreciate the fact that her children have a person in their lives who loves them and cares about their well-being. So, my question to you divorced women- is it impossible to have a workable relationship with the 2nd wife-- especially when there is a serious lack of communication between you and the ex husband? Am I expecting too much to be able to act as the mediator so good decisions can be made about the kids without every phone call turning into world war 3?

    4 AnswersMarriage & Divorce9 years ago
  • My husband's personal hygiene is severely lacking. Ideas?

    I love my husband dearly, but here's the problem. He showers maybe once or twice a week. I find it disgusting because he gets very ripe, if you know what I mean, by the end of the week. When I asked him about it, he defends himself by saying he has extremely dry skin and showering only aggravates the problem. He does have dry skin, I will give him that, but... there has to be a better solution than not showering. He also rarely brushes his teeth. Excuse? He has poor enamel on his teeth due to a high fever as a child (verified by his mother). His teeth are extremely sensitive and brushing also aggravates that condition. His lack of personal hygiene seems to be deteriorating (we have been together for 5 years and I think he showered/brushed more in the beginning). I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill, but it is really starting to bother me. I find him gross. Surprisingly, he is a good looking guy, but... I just can't get beyond the teeth and smell any longer. Suggestions? How do I tell him without being a nag? And, FYI- I have bought many many different lotions, toothpastes, etc. He tries them once then finds a reason why they won't work and tosses them.

    10 AnswersMarriage & Divorce9 years ago
  • What is wrong with a company that would encourage dog fighting?

    I recently learned of a new mobile app called Dogs Wars from a company named Kage Wars. It is a "game" about dog fighting. You can even inject your "dog" with steroids to build a bigger better fighter. This is absolutely sick and appalling. What is wrong with our society that a game like this would even be CONSIDERED let alone actually launched and implemented for kids to access?? This is just sick and wrong. I encourage you to sign the online protest forms against this app.

    10 AnswersDogs9 years ago
  • My parents hate my husband- what to do?

    What to do about parents who dislike my husband?

    I feel ridiculous even asking this question, but here it goes: I am 30+ years of age and I have parents who are in their 60's. They have always be slow/reluctant to like the significant other in my life. I am now married and they HATE my husband. At first, both sides tried to get along, but there was just no chemistry. So, we have just existed for the past 5 years with very little contact as a family. I see or speak to my parents regularly, but I don't try to force my husband on them and vice versa. Recently, my husband and I had a major blow out. We are now separated. My parents couldn't be happier. They are planning the divorce party. I am trying to save my marriage. My husband has many positive qualities (that's why I married him), but he also has many bad ones too- like drinking too much, mood swings, poor communication skills, lack of work ethic to name a few. We recently started couples counseling. I spoke to my parents about it yesterday and now they are furious! Frankly, I just want both sides to leave me alone. My husband expects me to cut all ties with my parents and never speak to them to save our marriage. My parents expect me to kick him to the curb. I just want to make the choice for myself. How do I get the 2 sides that I love to quit placing ultimatums on me and allow me to work through this?

    17 AnswersMarriage & Divorce9 years ago
  • What to do about parents who dislike my husband?

    I feel ridiculous even asking this question, but here it goes: I am 30+ years of age and I have parents who are in their 60's. They have always be slow/reluctant to like the significant other in my life. I am now married and they HATE my husband. At first, both sides tried to get along, but there was just no chemistry. So, we have just existed for the past 5 years with very little contact as a family. I see or speak to my parents regularly, but I don't try to force my husband on them and vice versa. Recently, my husband and I had a major blow out. We are now separated. My parents couldn't be happier. They are planning the divorce party. I am trying to save my marriage. My husband has many positive qualities (that's why I married him), but he also has many bad ones too- like drinking too much, mood swings, poor communication skills, lack of work ethic to name a few. We recently started couples counseling. I spoke to my parents about it yesterday and now they are furious! Frankly, I just want both sides to leave me alone. My husband expects me t6o cut all ties with my parents and never speak to them to save our marriage. My parents expect me to kick him to the curb. I just want to make the choice for myself. How do I get the 2 sides that I love to quit placing ultimatums on me and allow me to work through this?

    1 AnswerFamily9 years ago
  • For the divorcees: how do you tolerate the ex wife?

    When I first met my husband, 5 years ago he had extreme hatred for his ex-wife. I tried to be very open minded and give his ex the benefit of the doubt on many things because there are kids involved. I knew if this relationship was to develop into more, which it did, that she would always be in the picture or at least until the children are grown. Five years later I have grown to hate her and he is just ambivalent. He could care less what she does are says which is a sign that he is emotionally over her (when I first met him I think he was still stinging from the pain of the divorce). On the other hand, I find the her actions and cutting comments drive me insane! My husband and I have almost switched roles in terms of feelings for her. Bottom line, I want what's best for the kids and I don't want them to know I really, really, really, dislike their mother. How do I put a smile on my face when I see her and treat her with professional courtesy? I would like to avoid her, but there are way too many social interactions together (i.e. kids' games, school activities, etc.). Suggestions from any of the other second wives out there?

    5 AnswersMarriage & Divorce9 years ago
  • Is it time to just throw in the towel?

    My husband and I have had a very rocky 5 year relationship (married for about a year and a half of it). Every time things seem to be sailing along smoothly something happens to rock the boat. I am beginning to think he just thrives on drama. Since meeting him I have helped him financially (1st wife left him in debt over $50K). Together we have purchased a new truck, a Harley, several vacations, and we recently built a new house. All of this has been done in my name because I wanted him to have nice things and his credit is a wreck. He came from the "wrong side of the tracks" and I have felt bad for he and his family (my in-laws are also very poor and live in a run down home with very little show for 60 years of work). My husband and my father in-law both have drinking problems. When my husband gets drunk, he becomes verbally abusive. I usually turn the other cheek because he always apologizes the next morning. Recently, I lost my cool and damaged the truck with a baseball bat. I was arrested, but all charges have been dropped and we are tying to piece it back together. He returned home and for the past two evenings he has gotten drunk and become verbally abusive to me and his children (2 boys). I woke up this morning and decided that I am just DONE with the situation. He won't get counseling- he claims I have the drinking problem (when I attacked the truck I had definitely had too much that night, but it was an isolated incident). Last night, we had dinner with friends. I had 2 glasses of wine- he had at least a case of beer. When we got home he accused me of being the drunk one who wasn't willing to change. This man is also extremely self centered. It is always about HIM. Even with his kids. We fixed dinner on Thursday night. He was drunk and decided not to eat. The boys and I were hungry so we ate. Halfway through he yelled at us for not saving him any food and not caring if he ate. He is 43 years old- he may as well be 4 when he throws his usual tantrum. I know I have to leave this man. I care for him but every day the love dwindles. So, how do I do it? How do I make myself kick him to the curb and file the paperwork?

    7 AnswersMarriage & Divorce9 years ago
  • How can I say sorry enough to make this situation get better?

    My husband and I had a big blow out last week. He is a functioning alcoholic. I married him knowing it. But since our marriage 2 years ago, the drinking has gotten worse and my fuse has gotten shorter. I used to be patient and just ignore his verbal abuse when he gets drunk. Last week, I had too much to drink too and ended up swinging a baseball bat at his car. He called the cops- had me arrested for domestic assault and criminal mischief. I never swung the bat at him- only the car. He told the police I "grazed him" with the bat. We have a no-contact order. But, of course, he is calling me. I am very sorry and I have apologized over and over. He alternates between crying and sobbing about how he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. Then, on the drop of a dime, he turns into an angry person and just yells at me repeatedly. I have told him I am getting help and I want him by my side. He says it is my problem, I need to fix it by myself and then he will consider taking me back. He refuses to take any responsibility for this. He thinks it is ok to drink to excess, and call me names or treat me poorly, which is what caused me to lose my temper in the first place. I don't want to divorce him, but I don't want to be the one to change and live in this same alcohol laden environment. It is not ok that I resorted to physical violence, but why can't he see his verbal attacks are just as bad?

    6 AnswersMarriage & Divorce9 years ago
  • Help with step children? Serious answers only, please-?

    I asked this in a different category and I did not get any serious answers. Please only answer this question if you have legit advice for me- thanks! Here's the situation:

    I'm the step mom. I have 2 step sons, but they are night and day different. The 16 year old is tall, thin, athletic and popular. He loves sports and he is active. I'm a former college athlete so we bonded from day one. The 10 year old is bright and artistic. He likes to read. He is also severely over weight (he just tipped the scales at 200 lbs!) and he is a couch potato. Not video games, just nothingness. He can sit and do nothing for hours. Walking the dogs is a real stretch. He usually makes it to the end of our driveway, then heads back. We get along well (I am also an artist and we are avid readers together), but I am secretly frustrated with his weight and immaturity. The problem: Mom gives him ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he wants on the weeks he is with her (50/50 custody arrangement). At our house there is discipline. His father is very strict with him, but he is a guy. The little things go under his nose unnoticed. Last night we went for dinner with another couple. Kids were with us. The 10 year old spent the entire evening chewing with his mouth open and interrupting the adult conversation every 5 minutes. He does this because with mom he is the center of the universe. If he asks her to jump, she drops everything and asks how high! No exaggeration- she wipes his rear when he potties because he is too heavy to reach all the way around himself! She expects us to do the same! These little things are driving me crazy. I have tried to talk to my husband about the behavior and the weight issue. He is usually not receptive to anything I say because, afterall, it is his son and we only have them half the time. Do I ignore the fact he is morbidly obese for a 10 year old? I genuinely care about this little kid, but what is my role here? How do we get weight off a kid who won't exercise at all and lives 50% of the time with a mom who won't follow a weight loss plan? FYI- she is a nurse!!

    7 AnswersDiet & Fitness10 years ago
  • How to deal with 2 completely different step sons?

    I asked this in a different category and I did not get any serious answers. Please only answer this question if you have legit advice for me- thanks! Here's the situation:

    I'm the step mom. I love the boys, but they are night and day different. The 16 year old is tall, thin, athletic and popular. He loves sports and he is active. I'm a former college athlete so we bonded from day one. In fact, the running joke is he could be my biological child, not hers. The 10 year old is bright and artistic. He likes to read. He is also severely over weight (he just tipped the scales at 200 lbs!) and he is a couch potato. Not video games, just nothingness. He can sit and do nothing for hours. Walking the dogs is a real stretch. He usually makes it to the end of our driveway, then heads back. He is also a mama's boy. We get along well (I am also an artist and we are avid readers together), but I am secretly frustrated with his weight and immaturity. Mom gives him ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he wants on the weeks he is with her (50/50 custody arrangement). At our house there is discipline. His father is very strict with him, but he is a guy. The little things go under his nose unnoticed. Last night we went for dinner with another couple. Kids were with us. The 10 year old spent the entire evening chewing with his mouth open and interrupting the adult conversation every 5 minutes. He does this because with mom he is the center of the universe. If he asks her to jump, she drops everything and asks how high! No exaggeration- she wipes his rear when he potties because he is too heavy to reach all the way around himself! She expects us to do the same! These little things are driving me crazy. Do I point out the bad behavior to dad knowing it will cause an argument between us because I am "criticizing the son"? (I have been accused of favoring the 16 year old. I don't think I consciously do but maybe...?) Do I ignore the fact he is morbidly obese for a 10 year old? I genuinely care about this little kid, but what is my role here?

    6 AnswersParenting10 years ago
  • What is the role of the step mom?

    I'm the step mom. I love the boys, but they are night and day different. The 16 year old is tall, thin, athletic and popular. He loves sports and he is active. I'm a former college athlete so we bonded from day one. In fact, the running joke is he could be my biological child, not hers. The 10 year old is bright and artistic. He likes to read. He is also severely over weight (he just tipped the scales at 200 lbs!) and he is a couch potato. Not video games, just nothingness. He can sit and do nothing for hours. Walking the dogs is a real stretch. He usually makes it to the end of our driveway, then heads back. He is also a mama's boy. We get along well (I am also an artist and we are avid readers together), but I am secretly frustrated with his weight and immaturity. Mom gives him ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he wants on the weeks he is with her (50/50 custody arrangement). At our house there is discipline. His father is very strict with him, but he is a guy. The little things go under his nose unnoticed. Last night we went for dinner with another couple. Kids were with us. The 10 year old spent the entire evening chewing with his mouth open and interrupting the adult conversation every 5 minutes. He does this because with mom he is the center of the universe. If he asks her to jump, she drops everything and asks how high! No exaggeration- she wipes his rear when he potties because he is too heavy to reach all the way around himself! She expects us to do the same! These little things are driving me crazy. Do I point out the bad behavior to dad knowing it will cause an argument between us because I am "criticizing the son"? (I have been accused of favoring the 16 year old. I don't think I consciously do but maybe...?) Do I ignore the fact he is morbidly obese for a 10 year old? I genuinely care about this little kid, but what is my role here?

    7 AnswersFamily10 years ago
  • How to deal with 2 completely different step children?

    I'm the step mom. I love the boys, but they are night and day different. The 16 year old is tall, thin, athletic and popular. He loves sports and he is active. I'm a former college athlete so we bonded from day one. In fact, the running joke is he could be my biological child, not hers. The 10 year old is bright and artistic. He likes to read. He is also severely over weight (he just tipped the scales at 200 lbs!) and he is a couch potato. Not video games, just nothingness. He can sit and do nothing for hours. Walking the dogs is a real stretch. He usually makes it to the end of our driveway, then heads back. He is also a mama's boy. We get along well (I am also an artist and we are avid readers together), but I am secretly frustrated with his weight and immaturity. Mom gives him ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he wants on the weeks he is with her (50/50 custody arrangement). At our house there is discipline. His father is very strict with him, but he is a guy. The little things go under his nose unnoticed. Last night we went for dinner with another couple. Kids were with us. The 10 year old spent the entire evening chewing with his mouth open and interrupting the adult conversation every 5 minutes. He does this because with mom he is the center of the universe. If he asks her to jump, she drops everything and asks how high! No exaggeration- she wipes his rear when he potties because he is too heavy to reach all the way around himself! She expects us to do the same! These little things are driving me crazy. Do I point out the bad behavior to dad knowing it will cause an argument between us because I am "criticizing the son"? (I have been accused of favoring the 16 year old. I don't think I consciously do but maybe...?) Do I ignore the fact he is morbidly obese for a 10 year old? I genuinely care about this little kid, but what is my role here?

    4 AnswersMarriage & Divorce10 years ago
  • How to best tackle this debt?

    My husband and I have accrued a lot of piddly little debt. Little things like a few hundred to the local car repair shop, a thousand to the local vet, a few hundred in lawyers bills, a few hundred on a credit card, etc. We live in a small town and everyone knows everyone, so most businesses let you get away with making payments on unexpected expenses. All said and done we have less than $4,000 of debt. Our problem, we never have big chunks of cash to just throw at these little loans. And it nags at me as it seems we can never get it paid down. How should we attack it? Focus on one debt at a time? Or spread out small payments across the board? Incidentally, we have a $700 balance on our lone credit card. It is the only one of our small debts that really charges us any interest. I was hoping we would get a decent sized tax refund this year which we could use to wipe the slate clean. We did not. In fact, it's another area we owe. Only $160, but we still owe. Suggestions? Your advice is appreciated.

    3 AnswersPersonal Finance10 years ago
  • Are tax laws for small business owners different after 5 years?

    Here's my situation: I own a small business but I am not incorporated. I just have a sales tax ID number and I report the income on my personal financial statement each year. I have now been in business five years. For the past 4 years I have received a sizable refund. This year, my lawyer has figured my taxes and I owe nearly $4000! My income has not changed greatly from year to year. My sales were about $7000 more this year. Not a huge increase, but... maybe enough to cause the jump? I am not sure what to do. My lawyer has charged me $200 to figure the taxes. I really want to get a second opinion. Should I go back to the lawyer and spend more $$ or find someone else? One more factor, I sold my house in 2010 (for a loss) and now I rent a home in the country so I know longer have a mortgage payment to deduct. Any suggestions?

    3 AnswersUnited States10 years ago
  • How does wage garnishment in Iowa work?

    My husband and his ex-wife have an unpaid loan of $24,000 from their divorce 4 years ago. Our lawyer told us not to make payments to make her be accountable for her half. Today, my husband received a wage garnishment notice. We live in Iowa. How does this work? Will we be stuck with the full $24,000?

    4 AnswersUnited States10 years ago
  • How do you handle it when the ex owes you money?

    My boyfriend of 2 years has been diovorced for over 3 years. He and his ex have over $40,000 in combined debt. The divorce decree was for a 50/50 split. She has refused to pay her half of the marital debt. He has been making payments for his half, but now the bank is planning to take legal action against both. After weeks/months of phone calls, his lawyer has finally filed a contempt of court charge against her for her half of the debt. Now what happens? Sit back and wait? Any advice from the divorcee crowd?

    14 AnswersMarriage & Divorce1 decade ago
  • Is this man an alcoholic?

    Is alcoholism about quantity or need? My boyfriend of 2 years is a heavy beer drinker. Always beer, all the time. Basically, from the minute he gets off work until he goes to bed he is drinking beer. He probably drinks 6-8 cans of beer a night. On a weekend day he usually drinks a twelve pack a day throughout the course of the day. He is rarely "drunk" but I know he drinks to get a "buzz." It has never affected his job- he does not miss or show up late. He is a good father and for the most part a good boyfriend. Beer is just his way of life. Does this make him an alcoholic?

    12 AnswersBeer, Wine & Spirits1 decade ago
  • Am I expecting too much or what?

    Here's the deal- need your advice. Been dating a divorcee for almost 2 years. We are both 40 yrs old, so mature enough to know what we want out of life. I have never been married. He married his high school sweetheart (whom he met at 14!) and it ended after nearly 20 yrs of marriage. He says he loves me, wants to spend the rest of our lives together, yada yada yada. He has 2 kids- they adore me. Ex is a pain in the rear, but not a romantic factor. She does owe him a great deal of money from the divorce decree. She can't/won't get a loan. He has been paying the bills for over 2 years now, so I suspect she has settled into her comfort zone. She has a GOOD job so I think garnishment is possible. I want to be with him, but would like his financial past cleared up. However, I can handle the debt if we have to assume it. The ONLY time we fight is over the money she owes him. I think he needs to be more aggressive in recouping- he says he is doing all he can. In the meantime, we are left hanging. We would like to get a loan and build our dream home (I own an acreage in the country). Of course, the debt looms and it would be much easier to get a mortgage if we were married. He won't ask- and I don't know if I'd say yes even if he did propose. Part of me is mad because- why won't he just ask me? And part of me is relieved because I'm not sure what my answer would be if I were pressed into making a commitment. For now we live together, but then I feel like the clock is ticking. Let's just do it, for gosh sakes. Am I crazy?

    16 AnswersMarriage & Divorce1 decade ago
  • How do you make the ex pay up?

    The divorce decree reads 50/50. The 2 parties accumulated approximately $40,000 worth of debt. Legally, she is obligated to pay $20k of this. She has not. In the meantime, he continues to make the payments on the total amount of debt so that his credit does not go down the tubes. His lawyer has written menacing letters to her, but still no response. It has now been nearly 2 years since the divorce. How do you make her pay? FYI- each time the lawyer gets involved it ends up in another $1,000 bill.

    8 AnswersMarriage & Divorce1 decade ago