I am a divorced man. My son turns nine years old today. As a treat, I'm taking him and one of his friends (same age, plus or minus a couple of months) to the cinema. Mr Peabody and Sherman, if that matters.
My plan was to buy two tickets, escort them in, then leave them to watch the film in peace whilst I waited outside with a cup of tea and a newspaper. Unfortunately, somebody blabbed.
So I get herself yelling down the phone at me accusing me of being grossly irresponsible. It is unsafe, she tells me, to leave two boys that age alone in the cinema for ninety minutes, in case they encounter an axe-murderer or something.
My argument - that being free of parental oversight for a bit is at least half the fun - cut no ice. My other argument - that he was far more likely to encounter a paedophile (yes, she did use that word) walking to or from school (which she lets him do, albeit accompanied by his eleven-year-old brother) than at a random film screening - was also dismissed as irrelevant.
Now I HAVE to buy another ticket and go in with them. Not that the expense bothers me; but I've sat through enough kids' films in my time, and surely I can stop now?
Am I the one who's crazy, or is she?