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  • Why does she always make things an issue?

    As usual, my wife finds a way to turn something completely innocent into a discussion that turns into an argument.  As we're all working from home a number of my co-workers have exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch since we don't see each other in the office.  Yesterday after I got off I was texting with a female co-worker and she informed me that we had to do mandatory OT on Sat for 8 hours.  I missed that email so I got up and went and turned back on my work computer to see the email.  When I came back into the living room I was still texting with my co-worker.  Then my wife made the comment of, "I think you need to chill with that before that becomes a problem, especially after last night."  The night before we were about to get intimate but things didn't go as planned and the event stopped.  She was a little upset about that.  I looked at her and said, "do you not text with any of your co-workers so how are you relating what happened last night to one of my co-workers texting about mandatory work on Sat?"  I had a lot of plans I was going to do Sat but now I have to cancel them.  My wife never really said how she related the two but that appeared to be her way of bringing up last night.  This girl is probably 20 years younger than me and recently hired with the company.  Her and several new employees reach out to me when they have questions about work and things like that.  

    2 AnswersMarriage & Divorce1 week ago
  • Is there such a thing as wanting to be too married?

    My wife is a member of some marriage club on Facebook and it seems that she lives for this group.  She likes every post and shares a lot of things to her married friends.  Today she posted a long post about the important things to do while you're married.  Just a few of the highlights.  1)  Talking openly about what you want to change in your relationship is important.  2)  Don’t force a resolution.  3)  When you get into a fight, don’t just say “I’m sorry”. Say what you are sorry for, and how you will react differently next time.  4)  Turn off the phones an hour before bedtime and just talk to each other.

    I find this list amusing because 1)  My wife never talks about what she wants to change about herself but what she expects me to change about me.  2)  When we argue she wants to argue until she gets her expected resolution.  3)  I can never just apologize to my wife.  She wants to know what I'm sorry for.  And 4) Not saying this is a bad thing but who turns off their phone an hour before bed and just talks?  Aren't you talking throughout the day?  

    My wife lives on Facebook and thinks that everything in this marriage club/group is the end all to sustaining a healthy relationship.  What she doesn't understand is that I like doing things apart from her.  I don't want to do everything with her.  Can you want to be too married or is she trying to put up this front like we have the perfect marriage?

    3 AnswersMarriage & Divorce2 weeks ago
  • How do you bring this up without pissing her off about her sons?

    My wife and I have been together some 17 years.  She came into the relationship with 2 sons from her first marriage and I have a daughter from a previous relationship.  About a year ago all three of them moved out and got an apartment together.  They range in age from 23 to 26.  Her oldest son is a convicted felon with 2 kids that he doesn't support.  Her youngest is turning into a pot head.  My daughter, and please do not think I'm raising her above them, but she's a college graduate and informed me a few weeks ago that she's about to have her first child.  

    Well, this week my daughter text me to say that they are behind on their rent almost $2800 because the boys refuse to work.  The oldest is having a hard time finding a job with his record and the youngest, again, has made the statement that he's not going to work for "the man".  The youngest's girlfriend pretty much lives with them now and she use to work but now only hangs with the youngest following him around.  The two of them are now trying to start a lawn care business but until they get that off the ground they still need full time jobs to help support the apt.  

    It may be none of my business but how do I bring this up to my wife without pissing her off?  Again, anytime I bring up her sons it turns into an argument because she feels I'm just coming down on them.  With the Covid crisis going right now our city has halted evictions for the past few months but the city recently announced that those hearings will

    3 AnswersMarriage & Divorce2 weeks ago
  • Why do women like to bring up old stuff from years ago?

    This weekend my wife and I sort of got into it . . again.  We're both in our early 50s. I'm 51 and she'll be 50 in a few months.  Been together a total of about 17 years.  Back in high school I dated a girl and we were very close.  I was a few years older than her.  I went off to college and we dated on and off for a few years till she went to college.  That's when she finally came out of the closet and admitted she was a lesbian.  Our friendship changed from that point to just friends.  She's one of my best friends in the world today.  We've kept in touch over the years.  About 10 years ago she started dating a woman and eventually got married to her.  I'm happy for them.  They then started having conversations about having a child.  I would always joke around with her that I'd be their sperm donor.  Yes, we had had sex while we were dating but it was always awkward.  I would always joke with her about being their sperm donor.  I knew it would never happen but we were friends like that.  Well, they eventually did IVF and she now has a beautiful daughter about 7 or 8 years old.  Fast forward to now.  

    This weekend my mom called me and while sitting there with my wife I had a conversation with my mom.  She called to tell me that my aunt, her sister, was in the hospital.  We talked for a while then I told my mom to give me her number and also her daughter, my cousin's number so I could call them.  

    2 AnswersMarriage & Divorce3 weeks ago
  • Would you be offended by this?

    Say you have kids from your first marriage and you marry someone who also has kids.  You are accepted into his family with open arms and have been a part of it for a number of years.  Your mother-in-law has grandkids by her children including your spouse.  YOur mother-in-law has been mentioning fo r several years that she'd love  a"natural" grandchild.  Your child has a child and your mother-in-law accepts that one with open arms as a great grandchild but technically it's not a "natural / biological" great grandchild.  Your spouse's child now is about to have a child so that will be his family's first natural / biological grandchild.  Do you get offended by that thinking that child will now be accepted and loved more than your child's child?  

    6 AnswersFamily3 weeks ago
  • Was I supposed to make my wife the center of attention?

    Several weeks ago on my birthday my 23 year old daughter informed me that I was going to be a granddad again.  This will be my first biological grandchild.  My wife's son, from her first marriage, has 2 kids and I have an adopted daughter (not legally adopted but when her father was killed when she was about 2 or 3 I helped raise her) she has 3 kids who call me granddaddy.  Again, my first biological grandchild.  In an effort to get to know my grandchild dad I invited them to dinner.  I cooked dinner and the entire time we were talking my wife hardly said a word.  Eventually I noticed she left the table.  She had gone to the bedroom, put on her pjs, wrapped her hair, and was under the covers.  When I asked her why she was in the bedroom she told me that it was like I wasn't including her in the conversation so she didn't feel the need to hang around.  

    Excuse me, but I didn't think I invited my daughter and her boyfriend over so we could talk about my wife.  My wife seems to think that anything that goes on she has to be the focus of it.  I did the exact same thing when my step-son had his first child.  I invited the girl and her father over and we all sat down and did the same thing.  

    Was I supposed to make my wife the center of attention or was she either being petty or over-reacting?

    8 AnswersMarriage & Divorce3 weeks ago
  • How often do you expect a hug from your mate?

    My wife is still on this kick to where she's angry I don't hug her enough. From day one I told her I'm not a huggy, touchy, feely person. I was raised in a large family and even thought there was a lot of laughs and love we didn't just go around hugging just to say hi or good morning. We've been together some 17 years and in our 50s now and you would thought I have never touched her. I am just the type of person who doesn't need a lot of physical touch to feel loved. If I give her 1 or 2 hugs a week she's fine. But if I forget to give her a hug then she gets all bent out of shape. How often do you expect a hug from your mate and do things like that change once you've been in a relationship with them some 10 or 15+ years?

    14 AnswersMarriage & Divorce1 month ago
  • Does this make me shallow?

    I've made it no secret that when I met my wife she was everything I was looking for in a woman. We're black so she was very light skinned, sometimes mistaken for white. She had very long wavy hair and weighed about 105 lbs. I have always has an affection for think light skinned girls. Several years into dating my wife decided that she was tired of being the skinny girl. She said that she was always the skinny one in high school and even during several stints in 2 branches of the military and even her first marriage and 2 kids later. She decided to put on weight. She's now up to around 150 or 160 lbs. Now our sex life has suffered. Even thought I still love her I do not find her sexually attractive. And she has made it clear, she's not going back down to her previous weight. For months now she's been complaining about our lack of sexual activity and I've told her it's her weight. In her mind I should still desire her no matter what weight she is. Now some may say that 156 or 160 isn't that much for a woman to be but that's not the woman I fell in love with. No health issues, no additional kids. Nothing. She just decided that she was tired of being a size 2 or 4 but has now gotten up to a 12/14 and even some 16 clothes. I just don't find her sexually attractive right now. Does this make me shallow?

    26 AnswersMarriage & Divorce1 month ago
  • Am I supposed to cure her boredom?

    With the Covid crisis still going strong my wife is one who feels that I'm supposed to keep her entertained since we're both working from home. Yesterday after she got off work she comes walking into the bedroom where I'm working and lays across the bed and looks at me till I was done with my call. She said that she was bored and had nothing to do. She likes to read but wasn't in the mood to read a book. She's tired of that. I told her she needed to get a hobby, something she likes to do to occupy her time. Me, I love working with wood. I took that after my dad. I'm in the process of making my mom a butcher block cutting board so the past few weeks have been filled with me looking at hardwoods, buying tools, and supplies to begin this next project. I can spend 5 hours in my workshop and it'll only feel like I've done 20 minutes of work. My wife is not a creative thinker so she has a problem coming up with anything she likes to do. I honestly do not want to sit and keep her entertained all the time so she can feel happy. I've made suggestions but she isn't willing to invest any money into something she might like. Everything to her is supposed to be free. She thinks that we should always want to go to the park together, go have a picnic together, or just go take a walk together. You pick up what I'm laying down? I'm supposed to keep her entertained. I have my hobbies that I like to do outside of her but how do I help her find what she likes to do?

    4 AnswersMarriage & Divorce2 months ago
  • Is it fair to change the rules after the fact?

    I work for a company that has each employee taking 1 last shift night a week. Mine are Wed from 11 AM - 8 PM. Many months ago I requested PTO because my wife and I were going away for our anniversary trip. I requested Wed - Fri off. No problem, I was approved for those days. Several weeks ago the manager sent out an email stating that anyone requesting time off on a day you are scheduled to work late are required to find a replacement for that day. My thinking is that since you approved me months ago when that rule wasn't in affect why should I have to now find a replacement now. We're scheduled to leave this wed to go out of town and I don't think I will be able to find anyone to cover my late shift. Multiple people cover late days each day so it's not like I'm the only one working late. Is it fair to change the rules after the fact?

    3 AnswersLaw & Ethics2 months ago
  • Again, being the family go to guy?

    I've mentioned before about how my family seems to think I'm the only one they can call when they need something done. From installing light fixtures, to plumbing work to car repair. Most times I don't mind but there are times when it honestly bothers me. I'm sitting here and today working from home and my sister who lives a mile down the road sends me this text, "Can you come up here after you get off. I need you to move my internet monitor." I read the text and nearly hit the floor. She;s only got a 15 inch monitor and it's a flat screen. I understand that some people are not computer savvy but if you unplug a cord here just plug it back in when you move the monitor. And the monitor only weighs about 5 lbs if that much. Also, her husband and 35 year old son live there with her but she didn't ask them to help her move it, she wants me to come move it. There's a limit to some things and I think I've hit my limit. Short of telling her no, I don;t know what it's going to take to get some people to understand that sometimes you need to figure things out for yourself, especially this. That's like my mom calling me to ask me to come turn on her kitchen faucet because she's about to wash dishes. HELP!!!

    2 AnswersFamily2 months ago
  • Is she just looking for attention?

    I'm sitting here in our bedroom working. I have on a headset to received phone calls and I also have a radio playing in the background in my room. My wife comes into the room and just stands there looking at me from the back. I turn to look at her and she tells me that she was choking in the kitchen. I look at her and say, "I assume you're okay now." She said "I am but I could have died." I thought I heard something but am I suppose to go running ever time I hear my wife cough, clear her throat, or sneeze just to make sure she's ok? I get choked often but I don't go run to her to tell her I almost died. What she was trying to say was that I obviously don't care enough about her to hear her choking and come see about her. Does she just want attention?

    2 AnswersMarriage & Divorce2 months ago
  • Unemployment issue: Is she wrong?

    I walked into the kirchen a few minutes ago and my wife was on the phone with someone. I look at the screen to her work station and she had a letter up from our state's unemployment administration. I heard her asking the person why she was denied. At that point I was puzzled because my wife's job has them all working from home now. A few weeks ago they did do a slight cut back by having them take one day off without pay. So instead of getting an 80 hour check she's only getting a 72 hour check. When I questioned her about it she said that it was none of my business what she does. I feel that there are hundreds of thousands of people out of work in our state who aren't getting a dime but she's trying to take money from someone else who deserves it more simply because she's missing 8 hours on her check. We're not hurting financially and actually are doing better now than before the crisis hit. Is she wrong to try to take money from someone else simply because of 8 hours?

    5 AnswersOther - Careers & Employment2 months ago
  • Would you look at this as an honest mistake?

    My wife and I have known each other some 16+ years, married 10. I had a daughter from another girl before I met my wife which I have full custody. The last time I saw my daughter's mom was more than a year ago when my /our daughter graduated college. We're Facebook friends but still don't talk. A little while ago I checked my phone and noticed that my daughter's mom had sent me anothe rlink on FB about some city council meeting titled, "Share before they take it down." I didn't even look at it but my daughter's mom sends things like this on the regular. I don't think she's sending them to me personally but probably to all her FB friends. I closed the messenger and walked into the kitchen. In speaking to my wife I accidentally called her by my daughter's mom's name. I quickly corrected myself but she didn't take too kindly to that. When I explained to her that she had just sent me a link right before I walked into the kitchen she still was a little pissed. Granted, my wife has been known, in the past, to call me her ex-husband's name and I don't let it bother me. However, she's now walking through the house giving me the side eye. I apologized but she doesn't seem to want to let it go as an honest mistake. What should I do or is there anything I can do. Should I just not say anything else about it and let it blow over? Why is she stewing over something like this when she herself have done it in the past?

    2 AnswersMarriage & Divorce2 months ago
  • Should I change my schedule because my wife's schedule changed? (Switch)?

    Last week I posted a question about me waking up at the same time even though my wife had the day off and how i bothered her. I took a beating by most of you. Let me flip the script to see how you think now.

    I have the day off today because I have some PTO I have to use by the end of the month. I actually took every Monday off this month to use the time. Last night my wife and I were in the living room watching a movie when it got late. The movie ended and we went to the bedroom. I changed into my pjs and so did she. I sat on the edge of the bed while she got under the covers. Not really wanting to go to sleep knowing I had the day off I got up and went back into the living room to watch some more TV. As I left I closed the bedroom door as to not bother my wife. My wife didn't seem to like that. She walks into the living room a few minutes later asking what I was doing. I told her I wasn't ready to go to bed since I had the day off and I closed the door so the TV wouldn't bother her. Her response was, ""But you were already in the bed and why did you shut the door?" Again, I told her I had the day off just like I did last Mon and the Mon before. I told her I was trying to be considerate as to not bother her. She didn't like the fact that I was in the bedroom with her then left to go to another room. Yes, I told her several weeks ago I had to use some PTO and my plans to take Mondays off but that wasn't important to her so she didn't remember it.

    1 AnswerMarriage & Divorce3 months ago
  • Gas station fountain tea: Was I wrong?

    If nothing bothers me more about my wife is the fact that she feels she she can do whatever she wants. This may seem like a petty argument to some but to me it's a big deal.

    My wife has never, EVER, gone through the fridge and cleaned it out. Why, because to her, that's work she shouldn't have to do. She won't wipe up spills. She won't even throw leftovers away that have been in there 2 weeks. Sat we were out running around and we stopped at a QT gas station and got something to drink. She got a fountain tea that cost about $1.20. Today I noticed that the tea was still in the fridge. All the ice had melted and it was just in there. She may take a sip off it and then put it back. I took it out of the fridge and put it on the sink to throw away. She got mad at me because I took it out because it was taking up space. And it's not like she paid for it. I did. My wife will got to KFC, McDonald's or some place like that and leave the drink in the fridge for 4 or 5 days just sipping of it. Was I wrong to clean out the fridge and get rid of unnecessary stuff or should I have left it alone because it was hers?

    I just grew up in a house to where my mom said that if you get something to drink out of the fridge you don't take a sip of it or drink half of it then put it back in the fridge. My wife will make a bowl of cereal and pour all the milk except for one cap full then put the nearly empty gallon jug back in the fridge.

    5 AnswersMarriage & Divorce3 months ago
  • Should I change m,y schedule because my wife's schedule changed?

    Working from home is taking a major toll on our relationship. My wife's work day begins at 6:30 so the alarm is set for 5:45. My work day doesn't start until 9 but I get up with her and just lay in the bed listening to the radio or watching the news until I have to get up. Recently her job is now cutting back so they are requiring the employees to take one day off without pay. So . . . today is that day. Last night my wife tells me to set my alarm so she doesn't have to set hers and get up early. I still set mine for 5:45 because I like routine. I wake up, turn on the TV but mute the sound and turn on the closed caption. I open my laptop and plug the headphones in and listen to my local radio station. But I pissed my wife off because I typed an email to my sister and the typing got on her nerves.

    Granted, I still have a regular day so should my schedule change because her's changed? No, I never sleep to 8 or 8:30. I get up when she gets up and I NEVER complain. But the one day every few weeks that she doesn't work I'm supposed to not disturb her.

    Am I wrong here or should I have quietly gotten up, packed up all my stuff and went to the living room as to not disturb her? Again, my workstation is in the bedroom so I'll have to eventually come back in there. But because she doesn't have to work I should change my schedule.

    8 AnswersMarriage & Divorce3 months ago
  • I'm tired of being the go guy?

    For years anytime something would go wrong at my parent's house they'd always call me to come fix it. Since most of my siblings have moved out of the house there's only 2 of my older brothers living at home with our parents. If a remote isn't working ,my mom will call me. If a light fixture isn't' working or they want a new on installed, Anything tech related I'll get a call. A week or so ago the cable box in my brother's room stopped working so I had to go check on it. I told my mom he probably needs a new one and to just call the cable provider and tell them you needs a new box. I'll go pick it up and install it. Right now my brother is watching TV in the family sitting room instead of his bedroom. I stopped by there yesterday on my day off to see if my mom had called in the request and she said that she's not worried about it right now because he can just sit in the sitting room to watch TV because she didn't feel like sitting on the phone with them. I even told her to add me to their account and I'll make the call. She said she wasn't even worried about it at this point. Am I wrong to think that if you're not worried about something then stop calling me having me drive across town? I love my parents but all this running around is killing me. How should I handle the situation or should I always be at their beck and call when something breaks or needs fixing, or reprogrammed at their house? They never call any of my other siblings because I live closer.

    4 AnswersFamily3 months ago
  • Was she looking for an argument?

    As I have mentioned before my wife, when we first met, weighed about 105 lbs. She was very thin and lean. That was one thing that attracted me to her. In the 16 years since we've been together she's put on some 40 - 50 lbs. She said she was tired of being the "skinny girl" so when she started gaining weight she liked it andkept going. No, we don't have any kids together. She had two sons from her first marriage.

    This past Sunday I was at my parent's house visiting with my mom for Mother's Day and one of my sisters bought her photo album and inside of it was a pic of me and my wife at a family gathering some 16 years ago. She looked so slim and trim then. I took a pic of the pic on my phone and showed my wife later that night. We both got a good laugh out of it and moved on. Last night I was looking at the pic and my wife started pressing the issue with me. "What is it about that pic you like?" She wouldn't let it go. I knew where this was going because now that she's gained weight I do still love her but I don't find her as sexually attractive. We only have sex every couple of months. She kept pushing the issue asking, "so, what do you like about that pic?" She knew I loved her thinner frame but she wanted me to say it so she could argue about how I don't find her attractive now. Well, I bit the apple and finally told her, "Yes, I loved the thinner you."

    5 AnswersMarriage & Divorce3 months ago
  • How do you deal with nosey people?

    We all deal with nosey people on a daily basis but how do you deal when that someone is your spouse? My wife is one of those people who feels she's gotta know everything you're doing, every where you go, and everyone you talk to. I can't get a text message or send a text without her asking who I'm talking to. I can't send an email without her asking what I'm talking about. I have 6 other brothers and sisters and we have a group chat that we communicate with on a daily basis. I can't get a text that makes me chuckle without her asking what's so funny. Today I'm in the bedroom at my workstation for my job and I have my personal laptop next to me. In between calls I was sending one of my sisters an email when my wife walked in to tell me something. She can't see the screen on my laptop from where she's standing so while I'm typing she leans her body over to see who I'm typing to. I look at her and say, "boy, you're one nose so in so." And I used those exact words. She got all upset and went back to the kitchen in tears. Yes, I have a very sensitive wife. But I just hate it when she looks at me like I'm up to no good simply because she doesn't know what I'm doing. How do you deal with nosey people when that nosey person is your spouse? I feel like I have no privacy in my own home.Yes, even married couples are entitled to some level of privacy.

    7 AnswersMarriage & Divorce3 months ago