Ok people, it's been six months since breaking up with the ex after 2 yrs together. In a nutshell I wanted us to commit more/get engaged/move in and he chose to split up instead. Ok, bad enough but I could cope with that. I was working abroad at the time for 6 weeks, teaching English to the adult sister of a now married ex from 7 years ago. 3 weeks in the break up happened over the phone. I texted him and suggested we meet up when I returned in 3 weeks to break up properly/give our 2yr relationship the respect it deserved but he refused, by text, informing me that this text was the last contact he was ever going to have with me and that was basically it. Over. Bascially the last time I saw him was at the departure gate at the airport when I left for my teaching assignment. We hugged, kissed, said goodbye as a couple there.
His sick, cruel method of closure has devastated me more than the break up. I can't get my head round how someone could be that cold to a person they have just been intimately involved with for 2 yrs, especially since I was his first in every way. I couldn't treat my worst enemy like that.
We're not kids - I'm 29 he is 36!!!! Though while I am an independent and a healthy adult he still lives with mummy and daddy. I was his very first girlfriend (he was 34 when we met) he had no job when we met (though has got one since) - you get the picture....
I suppose the signs were there in the beginning that he was not the best candidate for a positive adult relationship, especially when he cited his reason for not committing more was due to my 'strong' personality! (read normal healthy adult!)
I dunno, I feel a bit crap at the moment, I'm at the stage where I'm half blaming myself wondering if I was as much of a ***** as he seems to think I was, I had a dream about him last night in which he was the loving person he was at first and then as I woke up he became the self centred, controlling, devious little boy I broke up with. Still I think the dream has gotten to me and I'm feeling things I don't want to about him. I was fine that we broke up - it was the right thing to do as I was so unhappy and I had to make a change in my life with or without him. It was the way it was done that was the worst - I would have met with him and broken up civilly and lovingly as our 2yrs together deserved, not callously the way he wanted it.
I feel the most overwhelming pain at the moment and I am not meeting my obligations as I should be. I have an important business meeting tomorrow (I'm an entrepreneur) and I can't seem to motivate myself to go.
It's like I've become dead and numb inside. At first I coped great but it's hitting me now. I find myself wondering if he thinks about me, if he has someone else now, if he feels guilty for treating me so horribly at the end, even though I know he was completely the wrong person for me and even emotionally abusive.
8 months into the relationship he told me that if I got as big as my mum (3 stone/42lb heavier approx) he would not find me attractive. We nearly broke up over that as I couldn't be with someone like that and I knew I would be terrified of eating around him. He cried, apologised and I forgave him but things were never the same after that. He became somebody else in my eyes. I ceased to feel safe with him. Controlling streaks began to emerge in other ways - how Ispent my money, the food I gave him, debating with him when he wanted me to just take his opinion nad leave it at that (his words pretty much) putting me down in a group of people once when I was in a conversation with a medical professional, giving me the silent treatment when he was upset with me. Little things y'know?
He was not too good for me and yet I still feel sad. Please help me snap out of this! Thank you guys&gals...xx