• Church's signature event of the fall is a secular speech by a professor, about psychology: weird?

    I'm a member of a relatively big mainline church. The church's "signature" event this fall is a lecture, funded by a wealthy member. The church is holding the lecture one weeknight in the main sanctuary and is inviting the general public, and the church is going all-out to get people to come. The lecture is by a pretty... show more
    I'm a member of a relatively big mainline church. The church's "signature" event this fall is a lecture, funded by a wealthy member. The church is holding the lecture one weeknight in the main sanctuary and is inviting the general public, and the church is going all-out to get people to come. The lecture is by a pretty well-known professor...of psychology, speaking about a recent book he wrote, The event is secular; the professor is not Christian and the book has nothing to do with Christianity. I am pretty sure that the author was chosen to speak simply because the senior pastor is interested in the topic. The men's small group is studying the book this fall--and there's nothing religious about it. Is it strange for a church to do this? If the church is going to have a well-publicized lecture open to the community why not have a leading evangelist or other Christian speaker? (My church does not prioritize evangelism, and when I mentioned converting outsiders one time, one of the pastors looked horrified.) Thanks.
    4 answers · Religion & Spirituality · 3 weeks ago
  • Followed around the gym, and told various things at the gym: harassment?

    When I joined my gym a few months ago, the first day I was there, another member ("Person X", opposite gender as me) immediately came up to me once I said a general "hello" to everyone who was in the weight room. Person X started sitting next to me and talking at (or to) me as I'd work out. Person X would also bring me... show more
    When I joined my gym a few months ago, the first day I was there, another member ("Person X", opposite gender as me) immediately came up to me once I said a general "hello" to everyone who was in the weight room. Person X started sitting next to me and talking at (or to) me as I'd work out. Person X would also bring me towels, give me tips, etc. I never asked for any of this. Person X would stare at me whenever I'd see Person X around the neighborhood. I started wearing headphones (with no music), and Person X would still come up to me and start speaking. I'd ignore Person X, and Person X would remark that I must not have heard Person X. When I'd sit, face-down, on a leg lift machine and lift my legs into the air (which is pretty awkward, since anyone can see all the way up your leg unless you're wearing tight clothing), Person X would come up to me and say, "Ooh, you should come do that at my apartment!" I told Person X to leave me alone. Person X yelled and said that my remark was outrageous. Person X would still then come up to me and start talking, including when I was on the treadmill. Is this harassment? Sexual harassment? Does it matter if Person X is a man or a woman (we're of the opposite gender)? Thanks.
    6 answers · Law & Ethics · 3 weeks ago
  • Am I being honest here, about a letter that I had involvement in sending?

    I live in a large condo building. The board is pretty bad. A few other owners and I got together and we had a friend of mine, who's a lawyer, send a menacing demand letter to the board (which worked!). The board members are saying that the letter is my letter; they call it, for example, "Kurt's letter". Today one board member... show more
    I live in a large condo building. The board is pretty bad. A few other owners and I got together and we had a friend of mine, who's a lawyer, send a menacing demand letter to the board (which worked!). The board members are saying that the letter is my letter; they call it, for example, "Kurt's letter". Today one board member came up to me and said, "You wrote that letter", "You signed that letter" and "You sent that letter". My lawyer friend wrote, signed and sent the letter, so I denied doing so. However, am I being honest? I worked with some others to get the letter sent. I saw the letter before it was sent. I approved it and did give some suggested language for it (which my lawyer friend changed). I also signed an engagement letter with my lawyer friend; he was my (and others') lawyer for purposes of sending the letter. Later, I hired my lawyer friend, for pay, to file a lawsuit against another board; that other lawsuit is ongoing. Next time I'm confronted about it by the board, would be better to say the following? "No, I didn't sign or send it. I know about the letter. I've seen the letter. And I liked what the lawyer who sent the letter did, so I have hired him and he is currently representing me in a lawsuit against another board. But it's false to say that I wrote, signed, and sent that letter." Thanks.
    2 answers · Etiquette · 3 weeks ago
  • Isn't the lesson of Judge Kavanaugh's mess that Democrats shouldn't be invited to parties?

    I don't care for Judge Kavanaugh; there seems to be enough evidence that he was a "bad boy" in high school, college and law school, and I have concerns about his integrity. However, none of his accusers seem to have verified proof of his bad acts. Isn't the lesson of this situation that Democrats shouldn't be invited to... show more
    I don't care for Judge Kavanaugh; there seems to be enough evidence that he was a "bad boy" in high school, college and law school, and I have concerns about his integrity. However, none of his accusers seem to have verified proof of his bad acts. Isn't the lesson of this situation that Democrats shouldn't be invited to parties? If you invite a Democrat to a party, s/he'll later accuse you of anything and everything bad, without proof. So it's best just not to invite Democrats to parties. That's at least one solution.
    7 answers · Politics · 4 weeks ago
  • What is the point of this church event?

    I received a postcard from my church: an invitation to “The Future of First Methodist Church”, with a caption: “Curious? Will you be a part of it? Come have a drink and a bite with us, and let’s talk.” The hosts are the chair of the annual pledge campaign and the head of the church’s officer board, and one of the pastors will be there. The event... show more
    I received a postcard from my church: an invitation to “The Future of First Methodist Church”, with a caption: “Curious? Will you be a part of it? Come have a drink and a bite with us, and let’s talk.” The hosts are the chair of the annual pledge campaign and the head of the church’s officer board, and one of the pastors will be there. The event is not listed in the church bulletin or website. RSVPs are requested. I was thinking that it’s an event to discuss changes in the church, but now I am thinking that it’s an event to try to get me to donate more. I am an officer in the church and have listed the church as a beneficiary in my will, and I otherwise give an average amount. Any idea what this event is for? I think I’ll decline. Thanks.
    8 answers · Friends · 4 weeks ago
  • How to get boss to stop interrupting me to drop off documents from the printer?

    I am a mid-career white collar professional. It’s absurd that this is a problem, but: I print papers throughout the day. One of my bosses constantly picks up my papers and barges into my office to drop them off. I can’t stand it; I hate interruptions and often what I’ve printed is thus jumbled. I’ve told him that he doesn’t have to pick up my... show more
    I am a mid-career white collar professional. It’s absurd that this is a problem, but: I print papers throughout the day. One of my bosses constantly picks up my papers and barges into my office to drop them off. I can’t stand it; I hate interruptions and often what I’ve printed is thus jumbled. I’ve told him that he doesn’t have to pick up my papers or bring them to me. I’ve told him that I am not asking him to pick them up or bring them to me. I’ve started using the printer on the other side of the office, far from him, but he still picks them up. I’ve even printed cover pages that state, LEAVE ON PRINTER. I stopped saying thank you when he drops them off. I even bought a small printer for my office but it can’t print big documents. I’d like to tell him to stop but that would be rude. Solutions, anyone? Thanks. I just can’t stand this.
    15 answers · Etiquette · 4 weeks ago
  • Weird for a church's keynote events to be secular book readings and discussions?

    I'm a member, officer and donor of my church, a large mainline Protestant one. I'm irked at my church because: 1. This fall, the church's key events are a book reading and discussion (by authors) of books about one 1950s US novel and one current book about current affairs--both secular topics. 2. The church has plenty of... show more
    I'm a member, officer and donor of my church, a large mainline Protestant one. I'm irked at my church because: 1. This fall, the church's key events are a book reading and discussion (by authors) of books about one 1950s US novel and one current book about current affairs--both secular topics. 2. The church has plenty of "ecumenical" Sundays, with leaders of other religions preaching from the pulpit and leading discussions afterwards. I'm irked because first: We're in a big city. If you want to go hear leading authors and leading secular thinkers talk, you can hear them any night of the week. If the church is trying to be leader in secular programming, it'll fail. Second, if you want to attend a worship service for any religion in the world, you can walk just a few blocks and find it. In short, my denomination of Christianity is a small denomination, and the church has just an hour or two (or a few hours) per week to spread its message. Yet the church is giving that scarce time to secular thought leaders and other religions. What's the point in that, and would you be ticked as well if you were an active member of your church and did that?
    Religion & Spirituality · 1 month ago
  • Do you like it when other gym regulars introduce themselves to you?

    At my gym, I see the same regulars all the time. I've met some of them and they're fine, and I've become outside-the-gym friends with a few. Some regulars seem like friendly, nice people, and I see them engaged in quick conversations with each other. So for them, it seems weird/rude of me to just walk by them for years. I'd... show more
    At my gym, I see the same regulars all the time. I've met some of them and they're fine, and I've become outside-the-gym friends with a few. Some regulars seem like friendly, nice people, and I see them engaged in quick conversations with each other. So for them, it seems weird/rude of me to just walk by them for years. I'd like to just say, "Hi, we've crossed paths for years; my name is X". They're friendly so I assume that they'd respond favorably. I don't want to take up their time and annoy them, though, and I don't want to get stuck in gym conversations, since I have only limited time at the gym. So: if you're at the gym and you talk to some people, do you like it when other regulars introduce themselves to you?
    Etiquette · 1 month ago
  • Asking someone for help with hiring an employee and then ignoring the person: weirdo?

    At my gym, one guy who goes every day at the same time I do doesn't really speak to anyone. That's fine. He heard that I'm a lawyer; he's a solo practitioner, and he came up to me, while I was on the treadmill, asking if I knew anyone who he might hire as an associate, and he asked for my email address and asked if he could email... show more
    At my gym, one guy who goes every day at the same time I do doesn't really speak to anyone. That's fine. He heard that I'm a lawyer; he's a solo practitioner, and he came up to me, while I was on the treadmill, asking if I knew anyone who he might hire as an associate, and he asked for my email address and asked if he could email me for some leads. Sure, that's fine. He said that he didn't want to bother me. He also told me his name and I gave him mine (and my email address). He didn't email (that's fine), but since then, I say hi when I walk by him, and he totally ignores me. Is this guy a weirdo? Or did I do something wrong? Thanks.
    6 answers · Etiquette · 1 month ago
  • When will people realize that Obama is just a racist narcissist who cares only about itself?

    Obama mentioned its own name 102 times in its anti-Trump speech yesterday. Obama also gloats over bad things that happen to its opponents, calls its opponents (Republicans) "enemies", went to Jeremiah Wright's church to hear racist venom for years and now won't set foot in a church, etc. Obama is simply a racist narcissist. ... show more
    Obama mentioned its own name 102 times in its anti-Trump speech yesterday. Obama also gloats over bad things that happen to its opponents, calls its opponents (Republicans) "enemies", went to Jeremiah Wright's church to hear racist venom for years and now won't set foot in a church, etc. Obama is simply a racist narcissist. Give it a talk show and house full of mirrors and it'll be content. When will people realize that?
    Politics · 1 month ago
  • Would this guy want to grab a drink after work?

    If I asked this guy to meet for a beer after work, would be do it? * We're both straight guys in our 40s/50s. * We've gone to the same gym together for about 10 years. * He initially started saying hello to me. * He seemed kind of crabby every now and then, so I quit saying hello back. * After a few years, I introduced myself, and he... show more
    If I asked this guy to meet for a beer after work, would be do it? * We're both straight guys in our 40s/50s. * We've gone to the same gym together for about 10 years. * He initially started saying hello to me. * He seemed kind of crabby every now and then, so I quit saying hello back. * After a few years, I introduced myself, and he immediately became talkative and friendly. * He seemed then kind of crabby every now and then (it's at 6am when we cross paths), so I quit speaking and would just walk past him, but he'd still say hello. * In the elevator going up to the gym, and when I see him in the street, he always speaks and makes small talk. * A few years ago, I suggested connecting (as we work in the same industry), and the reaction I got was icy- "yeah, I'm on Facebook and LinkedIn". I didn't "friend" him on either. But whenever I see him on the street or in the elevator, he always strikes up a small talk conversation, even though I don't start it. He does not speak to anyone else at the gym except his personal trainer. So: should I suggest grabbing a beer after work? I figure it's good to know your neighbors particularly when you work in the same industry. Thanks.
    4 answers · Friends · 2 months ago
  • At work, why do women say, "I feel that..." instead of something more direct and substantive?

    At work, women say things like,"I feel like this provision should be in this contract." A guy will say, "This provision needs to be in the contract because..." and will give specific business reasons. At work, why do women constantly say, "I feel that" such and such should happen, instead of giving more direct and... show more
    At work, women say things like,"I feel like this provision should be in this contract." A guy will say, "This provision needs to be in the contract because..." and will give specific business reasons. At work, why do women constantly say, "I feel that" such and such should happen, instead of giving more direct and solid reasons for it? Simply because a woman feels something isn't a basis for doing it; we do things in business because, for example, it's legally required or revenue will go up. So annoying!
    6 answers · Other - Business & Finance · 2 months ago
  • People at church criticizing Mitt Romney (and other mainstream Republicans): shut them up by telling them that I voted for them?

    The church that I go to is pretty liberal. The church says, "all are welcome" but conservatives are in the minority. Recently at a volunteer event, one lady went off on Mitt Romney, saying that he's a horrible person. Nobody much likes Donald Trump-- I sure don't--but saying that Mitt Romney is horrible? Whatever. Rude of me... show more
    The church that I go to is pretty liberal. The church says, "all are welcome" but conservatives are in the minority. Recently at a volunteer event, one lady went off on Mitt Romney, saying that he's a horrible person. Nobody much likes Donald Trump-- I sure don't--but saying that Mitt Romney is horrible? Whatever. Rude of me to say something like, "Well, Mitt Romney isn't perfect- none of us are- although I voted for him a few times"? I don't wish to hear politics at church, but when people attack normal and decent people in the "other" political party at church, I'd like to put a stop to it. Thanks.
    3 answers · Religion & Spirituality · 2 months ago
  • What percentage of your church's members attend Sunday worship services?

    My church (a moderately liberal mainline one) has a membership of 2,000, but we regularly get about 500 attendees at Sunday worship services. Today (in the summer, when a lot of people are away), we had 260. What portion of your church's membership shows up on a typical Sunday (or a Sunday in the summer, or over Labor Day weekend, etc.)? Thanks.
    My church (a moderately liberal mainline one) has a membership of 2,000, but we regularly get about 500 attendees at Sunday worship services. Today (in the summer, when a lot of people are away), we had 260. What portion of your church's membership shows up on a typical Sunday (or a Sunday in the summer, or over Labor Day weekend, etc.)? Thanks.
    11 answers · Religion & Spirituality · 2 months ago
  • Friend gets me (not his wife) to help him with online banking to buy a property: why?

    One of my good friends is mostly blind, so he needs help with routine things every now and then. He's married and has a highly capable wife. My friend is buying an investment property, and he needed help with online banking to handle the payment. He called me yesterday, and I helped him do it. It was a tight deadline for the payment, and I... show more
    One of my good friends is mostly blind, so he needs help with routine things every now and then. He's married and has a highly capable wife. My friend is buying an investment property, and he needed help with online banking to handle the payment. He called me yesterday, and I helped him do it. It was a tight deadline for the payment, and I figured that he called me because his wife wasn't there, or perhaps because he was buying the property without telling his wife. However, in the middle of the conversation, his wife WAS there, and she helped him get some bank information and give it to me. WTF? Why would a husband get his friend to help with online banking when his wife is right there? I deleted all info that I obtained about his online banking, but he gave me full account access and I saw their account balances and the like. Is this not totally weird? Why would his wife allow that?
    4 answers · Marriage & Divorce · 2 months ago
  • What's offensive about working out in jeans at the gym?

    I see that it's bad gym etiquette to work out in jeans. I don't do that, but one guy at my gym does. I don't see the problem with it--I actually like that because it's less sweaty skin touching equipment. It's certainly rare, though, and I'd think that it would be hard to work out in long pants like that. So what's... show more
    I see that it's bad gym etiquette to work out in jeans. I don't do that, but one guy at my gym does. I don't see the problem with it--I actually like that because it's less sweaty skin touching equipment. It's certainly rare, though, and I'd think that it would be hard to work out in long pants like that. So what's wrong with others working out in jeans?
    5 answers · Diet & Fitness · 3 months ago
  • What's the point of racial conflict between Asian-Americans and whites?

    I'm genuinely perplexed by racial animosity between Asian-Americans and whites, such as racist tweets by Sarah Jeong. I went to school with a heavily Asian-American student body, and there was no racial division whatsoever between Asian-Americans and whites. I certainly respect and admire Asian culture and people. Clearly I'm not on the... show more
    I'm genuinely perplexed by racial animosity between Asian-Americans and whites, such as racist tweets by Sarah Jeong. I went to school with a heavily Asian-American student body, and there was no racial division whatsoever between Asian-Americans and whites. I certainly respect and admire Asian culture and people. Clearly I'm not on the front lines of discrimination, and there is certainly anti-Asian racism out there (although I've never seen it, as far as I know), though, so I'll concede that there is reason for Asians to be angry. But when people like Sarah Jeong call white people names, I ask why: whites and Asian-Americans are two groups that generally get along so well, from my perspective, and there is such admiration and goodwill by whites in my circle. So what's the point of creating racial conflict? I see none.
    Other - Cultures & Groups · 3 months ago
  • Leftists,why is it OK to hate someone because the person is a member of a demographic group that oppresses or has oppressed others?

    I'm a NY Times subscriber, and I see that a new member of the editorial board has posted numerous Tweets attacking white people, and white men in particular. She's a woman of color, and white people, and white men in particular, have oppressed people of color. Fine;I get that. However, the left states that her anti-white Tweets are... show more
    I'm a NY Times subscriber, and I see that a new member of the editorial board has posted numerous Tweets attacking white people, and white men in particular. She's a woman of color, and white people, and white men in particular, have oppressed people of color. Fine;I get that. However, the left states that her anti-white Tweets are fine because they're in response to oppression by white people. Huh? Isn't the problem hate in general? I'll certainly concede that there are plenty of bad white men, but isn't the response to their bad acts LOVE, not hate in response? Why is hate acceptable in this situation?
    Politics · 3 months ago
  • 2 guys in an elevator: OK for either of them to just exit first without offering to let the other one go first?

    In my office building, when I (a he) get on the elevator, I move to the back. If another guy gets on and also moves to the back, is it rude if I just exit first--particularly if he's on his phone or something or doesn't move to exit when I do? I assume that as long as I say thanks or nod, I'm fine. Right? Thanks.
    In my office building, when I (a he) get on the elevator, I move to the back. If another guy gets on and also moves to the back, is it rude if I just exit first--particularly if he's on his phone or something or doesn't move to exit when I do? I assume that as long as I say thanks or nod, I'm fine. Right? Thanks.
    7 answers · Etiquette · 3 months ago