I want to start buy saying I know the rational side of attachments to professionals like counsellors and key workers etc. I know that the relationship is professional, that if boundaries are crossed it will make treatment less affective, I know that dependancy is bad, I know that transference and gratitude and a certain amount of attachment is also normal etc.I am not without reason, I know the truth of the matter and I try really hard to not be dependant on them but I always seem to be, even though I dont contact them outside of sessions or anything like that
I have had a break in my support system for 3 weeks now and its been really hard at times! one ofmy support people is on holidays and another cancelled as she was off sick (as per usual this year). I don't ring or ask anyone for help anymore even if I need it in between sessions and I dont cross boundaries. However I know that my life feels so meaningless without people like my counsellor there to give me a purpose, to have someone to tell things to without judgement and to feel someone is there for you.
Before you say it - yes I have friends, I spend time with them, I talk to them but they dont understand and I often get derogitary remarks from them. My family do not understand and they are part of the problem. I have tried using alternative 'real' people but it doesnt change anything
I do things to occupy myself and I push myself to new goals and try to put meaning in my life aside from therapy...I know my life should be meaningful without it, but it's not, no matter what I do.
I thought this would change the more distant I made myself from professionals but it hasnt changed my feelings.
what should I do? I know its wrong and pathetic but it feels like the need for what i guess is unconditional positive regard is so strong I will always feel this way.
Can anyone help me?