I'm 15 and just moved to a new school in September for family reasons. I'm typically a shy person, but I did have a lot of friends before and I'm quite chatty when you get to know me.
It's just...I can't seem to settle down and make friends and I'm starting to get worried. I'm tall and feel awkward all the time. If a teacher asks me a question, I turn bright red for no reason and can't concentrate. If I have to talk to somebody I don't know that well, I can't think of anything to say and just stand there awkwardly.
I'm beginning to dread lunch times because I'm afraid I won't have anyone to talk to. There's one girl I know from middle school, but I was never friendly with her and we only talk to each other for the sake of it, and she has her own friends. When I wake up in the morning, I can't eat anything because I'm too nervous about school. I feel like throwing up a lot of the time. I'm not eating as well as I used to and I'm starting to dislike myself more and more.
I've read stories about self-hating people and I've always thought they were just being melodramatic. But I'm beginning to hate myself. I hate my hair. I hate my height. I hate my teeth. My nose is crooked. I hate the way my chin looks when I smile. The list goes on...
So, I can't really seem to make any friends because I'm just so socially awkward. Is this...normal, in any way? Or am I just weird? Sometimes I pretend to be sick just so I won't have to go to school. Everybody else is counting down the minutes until lunch, but I get a sick feeling in my stomach at the thoughts of it. I'm just so lonely and really having a hard time. Can anyone relate, or does anyone have any advice?