My friend, I am sorry you are struggling with such dark thoughts. Our minds can be our own worst enemy sometimes, flinging crazy stuff at us when we're not ready. I remember 14. It sucked. I'm sad for you.
I see two problems. First, you're 14. Your body is starting to gear up to become an adult body....
Best answer: My friend, I am sorry you are struggling with such dark thoughts. Our minds can be our own worst enemy sometimes, flinging crazy stuff at us when we're not ready. I remember 14. It sucked. I'm sad for you.
I see two problems. First, you're 14. Your body is starting to gear up to become an adult body. You will become familiar with Nature's indifference to our suffering. In particular, the chemistry involved in maturing a human body has a peculiar--often rather disagreeable--effect on the human brain. For the next few years, you may find yourself wondering whether you're going nuts, whether you have a firm grasp on reality. And you'll be right to wonder it, because adolescence is a mental illness.
The point I'm taking so long to make is that you shouldn't be too surprised if you find yourself having extra anxiety at times. That's one of the many perfectly normal symptoms of adolescence. What to do about it: try "mindfulness meditation", see what you think. Videos all over YouTube to show you how to do it. It helps many people to feel more sane, calmer.
The second problem: the thing itself, death. Everyone here will give you a different answer. You are old enough to decide for yourself what that means. I think it means no one really knows what happens when you die. Everyone is guessing. I have a guess too. I don't know whether it will do anything at all for you, but it helps me not to worry, so I offer it to you.
The short version is that your experience after your body dies will be exactly the same as your experience before your body came into being. Meh, that says it well enough; I'll spare you the long version.
Here's another thing you might try: be in your life. I probably would not have understood that when I was 14; hopefully you're smarter than I was. Be in your life: savor every moment. As much as you can, be aware of the richness of each moment: the sounds around you, the things you see, the food you taste, the sensations on your skin. Be aware that you are not separate from the universe, but rather a piece of it that is lucky enough to have become conscious, self-aware, incorrigibly curious. You're made of the same stuff as everything around you. You're an integral piece of the universe, not a separate thing.
A teacher once told me, "Don't have your pain in advance. Have your pain when the calamity comes, and no sooner." Sage advice.
If you've slogged all this way through my ravings, I hope you will not regret having done so. I'm really sorry you're having anxiety about it. Hang in there. things will be crazy for a while, but you'll make it through. I wish you the best of luck, and peace.