How do you cope when you get angry with your kids?

Question

Hi, i'm a single mother to a 5yr old boy and a 5mth old girl. I love my kids more than anything in the world and they are the most important things in my life but i seem to get to a point recently where i am so stressed that i end up shouting at them. I am two weeks away from my final exam for my degree (finally i can get a proper job!), have coursework to do as well as the housework and looking after the kids and have just come down with a cold. With all of this combined i am shattered, stressed and have noone to help me when i need a break. It got to the point earlier where my son was pestering me about some toy, my daughter was whining because she refused to have a proper nap in the day and i lost it and shouted at both of them. I am horrified with myself but i just got to a point where i couldn't take anymore. I feel terrible and have spoilt my son to compensate and cuddled my daughter non-stop until bedtime. I am sure i am not the only person who finds it hard sometimes and i am just wondering if anyone has any tips on what to do when you get to this point as i dont EVER want to shout at my kids just because im tired and stressed again!

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Anyone who says they haven't been there is more than likely a liar or one of those super-cool people who I generally hate. We all have tempers, we have all felt close to the edge - some more than others. It is hard to walk away, but that's what you have to do. If I feel I get to that point, I put my kids in a room (safely) and walk out. I sometimes sit in the garden for a few minutes for some fresh air and a chance to clear my head, sometimes I just go into another room. Do you have any kind of outlet for your rage? I often find a few minutes of a favourite song helps, or answering a question on here! I don't personally feel comfortable with using the 'Cry It Out' method with my kids, but sometimes, you have to let them cry while you calm down.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thank you for making me feel something close to normal again. Its nice to know im not alone and not terrible mother!!

Answer 2

First off, I'd get some help.

Family? Friends? Neighbours? If none of those, there are groups that often can help. Talk to your local kindergarten about support groups who could help.

When I get angry/stressed/upset... I give MYSELF time out. When I know that the kids are just being kids.. I make sure the kids are safe, comfortable, have everything they need.. and then I go to one room, close the door and give myself five minutes to calm down.

If you arent comfortable doing that... take a shower.

It gives you some time alone, privacy and personal space, to calm and settle. So that when you get out again you feel refreshed enough to deal with whatever problems they're having.

Honestly, find some support ;) It sounds like your going great so far.

Keep this in mind too - There are people that cope with stress/anger by beating their kids up. You yelled a bit................... Its not the end of the world. You arent a bad mother, you just need some help. We all do!

Source(s):

Life

Answer 3

bless ya sweetie you do have alot on your plate.
ive got a 17 month boy and he can be a handful. there were days when he was younger he would cry none stop no matter what i tried.
im lucky to have help when i need a break but i don't all the time.
when im alone and i need a time out, i leave him in the living room close the door and put a carton on or sometimes i put him in his cot, i go into the kitchen and have a cig to calm me down.
sometimes he is still screaming, sometimes he has calmed down himself.
depending on the time of day i put him in his pushchair and go for a walk

Answer 4

Don't feel guilty almost evry mum goes through this...
when you reach close that point, you need space to destress, even if its putting them down in their beds safely for a few minutes and going into a different room, you need a few minutes 'you' time to recharge so as to be strong to see each situation clearly...imagine having the dinner on, the baby crying for you, you go the the baby, and you can't settle her/him...then you hear the smoke alarm, dinner is almost... you run to the kitchen, then the door bell goes...what do you do..everything is important and needs your attention...but you need to stop and refocus on what is the most important and do that ...give the baby attention, afterall, in the context of the situation, everything else can wait...but if you are tired, making that rational decision is hard... so time for you to recharge at different times during the day makes you able to handle the chaos better, because when you are stressed the children can sense it, and in their attempt to reach out to you, they unknowingly add to the stress, if you are aware of this then you can control what is happening and your reaction to it...sorry to go on :-)
all the best

Answer 5

Take some time to destress. After they go to bed take a nice relaxing bath, burn some candles (safe ones of course, wouldn't want to start a fire), and listen to some relaxing music.

If you don't have a music player (iPod, mp3, whatever) consider investing in one, even if it's used. If they're bothering you, tell your older one he needs to take a 5 minute quiet break.

Put a kitchen timer in his room (or play area) and tell him to play quietly until it goes off. Find things that will entertain him for that long. Then put your headphones on, turn on your favorite song and block out the world for a song or two.

One or two songs can make a world of a difference!

Answer 6

Just calm down, everyone feels like that. Somthing I do is pretend my kids were not born and it helps me realise how sad i would be and it always calms me down so it should do the same for you. Also what you should do is have a day were both of your kids are out so you can relax.

Answer 7

I know how you feel!What helps me is I have a very sweet picture of my daughter holding her little brother as a newborn and it's hanging by the staircase so whenever I feel stressed with them I take myself over to the staircase and look at the picture.It reminds me of their innocence and usually puts me in a different mood.xx

Answer 8

I'm so sorry you have to go through this!

I realise that you're on your own but is there no way you could maybe hire a babysitter or ask a close friend to look after the kids? Even just for two hours a day.

Coursework is a pain, but try to get most of your stuff out of the way while they're at school, trust me it helps, and as long as the house is reasonably tidy (I know, kids are a mess!) then it should be ok.

When I was younger and I used to babysit my brother I made cleaning up into a game, like saying 'Ooh, I bet you can't tidy this WHOLE room up and put all your toys away in five minutes' it might take a little bargaining but they soon fall for it.

When the kids have gone to bed, put at least an hour away for yourself, just have a nice long hot bath and relax yourself, you NEED time to yourself, you're not a machine but my god you're doing one hell of a good job!

Treat yourself as well, bit of chocolate, dvd, dvd's are great for the kids too, you can find some really cheap ones on amazon.

And last but not least. BREATHE. If you feel yourself getting wound up, take some deep breaths and count yourself down from ten and think of why you love your kids.

You sound like a brilliant mother and I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job! Just wait till a few weeks, everything will settle

Good luck
Hope it helped
Stacey
<3

Answer 9

ask a friend if they can babysit for a few hours . i have a son and when it gets on top of me and i get stressed i go for A walk with my son he goes to sleep (he's 6 months). i really wish it works out

Answer 10

Okay, when my son was little... around 3 this used to help me. Not sure how to word this where it makes sense and doesn't sound horrible, but I'm going to try...

My friend and I had 3 yr olds, she a girl, me a boy, and we pal'd around quite a bit. Somedays would be so stressful, trying to fix dinner, or run errands with the kids bickering around us, demanding we fix whatever.l I swear they had an argument over water once. Her little girl screaming, "Aaron said water, make him stop!!" And my little boy giggling, "Water!"

When it got to be too much, rather than blowing our tops we'd mutter...

"That's it. I'm done" "yea... me too"
"Can't handle it no more" "yea... me neither"
"Have to hide the bodies." "Yea.... gotta hide the evidence"
"Hmmm.. we'll bury them! "Yea, that's perfect"
"How we gonna do that? Got a shovel?" "Nope, do you?" "Nope"
"Gonna have to buy a shovel. Who's going to the store?" "Not me. How bout you?"
"Nope, too tired, have to finish dinner, kids need to eat"
"Hmm... maybe next time"

By the time we were done talking this nonsense out, we'd calmed down, and were giggling at the absurdity of it. At no point in time were we ever serious. We'd never hurt our children.

This worked just as well when I was alone.

I've since moved on, various other threats have been: lock him in the closet, string him up by his toes, make him clean the bathroom with a toothbrush. All said out of frustration, in an overly dramatic tone, where he could see I was getting overwrought, and would giggle and go on.

I have never seriously meant any of the above, and this is what has worked for me, as a bit of silliness goes a long ways to lightening my mood, and calming the situation.

Whatever silliness works for you, a word game of similiar sorts to take your mind off the current problem, and remind you that it really isn't that bad and not worth all that anger and frustration, may help.

Find something that helps you to step back, and remember, whatever it is, it really isn't that big a deal, and take a deep breath.

Answer 11

i thought i would be the only one with a baby so young and getting snappy sometimes, and i usually feel like i must be a bad mum to get like it with my daughter being only 4 months old. and to be honest i felt a bit ashamed to post something similar this because i know there are a lot of judgemental people on here so i put it to the back of my mind, but well done. sometimes i also find myself getting angry at the most silly things, i guess it just piles up on you. as im with my daughter all day every day well until her dad is home from work, i feel a lot of pressure especially as shes been teething since 6 weeks old sometimes i feel like im going mad. shes generally a very happy baby but there are times where shell scream and cry for no apparent reason if ive done everything to help her, or wont settle to sleep when she is tired. thats when i will usually put her in her moses basket or vibrating chair and calm myself down first. once she calms down a bit i dont feel so stressed but i always get an overwelming feeling of guilt at being angry when its not her fault. i can imagine it must be harder for you with 2 kids, if you can how about you find something relaxing to do to calm you down and let your children be in another room or for them to have something to do during that time. or ask a family member or friend to help out sometimes so you can have time for yourself or a nice relaxing bath to help you unwind from a stressful day. we all get bad days especially when the kids are playing up making it 10x worse, were only human, but its wise to find something which helps to relax you because i know stress gets on top of you and thats when we (in general) blow. i love my baby more than anything but i am so thankful for family members who can take her for 5 mins in a different room so i can get myself together if shes being really winey, because ive been in tears beforehand and not wanted to wake up the following morning and face another similar day. being tired makes me worse too especially if she wont sleep when shes tired which at the moment is getting common every evening. i hope you find somethign that helps though, thanks for posting this so i could get it off my chest too, good luck.

Answer 12

I usually walk into another room or go to the toilet and take deep breaths and think about drowning myself in the toilet lol lol no the other day I did lol in humour of course not for real.
I had a stressed out day the other day and I snapped a little at my two year old over nothing then cuddled him straight away and took him to the shop and got him a toy and my Mum comment to me the next day that I might have confused him with my behaviour.
I dont snap often as we use time out technique and I use that as my last resort and it works. A coffee usually helps me aswell and always you can trust the chocolate. Good Luck